Wednesday, October 19, 2011

POSITIVE

I don't have much time to write today but something inside of me is screaming to get let out in self-expression!!

SO... todays message, Be positive. I can list a few reasons or I can go on and on about how reinforcing the negative only strengthens their impact on your brain, neural synapses and therefore your mood, attitude and personality, relationships (should I continue- I Think NO)

But really... F*** all that. Do it, because you Can... Action is Always better than Inaction.
Live with Determination, Live with purpose...

What ever you do, do it to the best of your ability.

BREED POSITIVITY

Here I'd like to add in quotes from some very well-known texts... but again.. time is limited... so really thats all:

Just Smile because you're HERE. LIVE because you're breathing. LOVE because your heart is beating...

Monday, October 17, 2011

Sunday in the country

Can you find the beauty in a crowd of thousands of drunken people passed out on dirt covered blankets on their lawn seats @ Merriweather post pavilion, only to be awoken by some random passer byer's beer spilling on them, and when then turning over they slowly coming to a staggering stand and heading for the burger, fries and fried chicken and oh but of course another beer, maybe a margarita??

I've never been much of concert goer, especially not the tail-gaitin' drunken type... I did my part this time though, Octoberfest for breakfast at 9 am with some homemade banana pumpkin bread..., enjoyed the music, was hungover my 1pm, and beyond exhausted by the end of the concert at 11pm....

So where's the beauty?

Maybe it's in the comfort people find from being around people with at least some similar interests. Maybe it was the sunny perfect fall day. Perhaps is was the underlying energy current, the life the thrived beneath our silly costumes and masks we where,( alcohol included here).

Life! Thousands of Lives, swaying, falling, spilling, laughing, yes even vomiting... coming together for an entire day. Strange that this could be beautiful, but it is.

So sunday in the country for me, meant limping around on extraordinarily tired pain-filled legs.... and no, despite everyone's belief, the beer does not help the pain. It was a beautiful Sunday, a great day to spend with some of my favorite people.

For entertainment as well as to increase awareness and knowledge the Marines and Army men offered challenges, (pull ups and pushups- upperbody...aka not my legs ;) ) I found it beautiful to see how many drunken people climbed up to the pull up bar, to see what they could do....girls, boys, men, women, other marathoners also tired and sore from the prior day...
I found myself cheering on everyone that was even willing to try.... And others often joined in my cheers.

My question is... why does it take this setting for us to cheer each other on for our silly little efforts... No one cares if you get a lanyard or T-shirt... if you got up there and tried... That was something worth watching... something that made you feel good inside.... Isn't every day our lives like this? Don't we all Get Up and just Try, every day.... some days more than others. some days we're stronger than others, but we all Need each other every day.

We would all benefit to be each other's cheer leaders in life. This Life ain't easy... but it's worth livin'... this life ain't long, but its worth the trip....

I was touched by the whole disgusting human scene.... we all try so hard.... Just don't forget to enjoy it....

My last note on this wonderful Sunday 10/16/11.... After starting up a conversation with a rather attractive military man, I asked him how long he has been in. 9 years he responded, so naturally I asked where'd he'd been.... Afghanistan he answered. I thanked him, and as we talked lightly about his experience and my running experiences I watched him play with his wedding ring... I'm not sure why this touched me so deeply, but I found a great respect for him in that moment. I thanked him for the conversation and went on my way, realizing that I hadn't asked what I meant to. I went back and asked my question... which involved charitable events for military veterans and using my running effectively towards those causes.... his response was something of pain and endurance as he expressed how badly these men and women need the support, his expression as I've seen in most of the military was something of humble disassociation.... He too needs support... We All Do, because we are all human. Not one of us, the strongest or the weakest can handle it ALL by themselves.....

Status Post Sunday in the Country... I will wait till I can walk pain-free but I will beginning to train for my first ultramarathon run for which I will begin to raise the support and awareness I can for those who need and deserve it. So if you do read this, please check out facebook or come back to this blog soon... so that I might share the fundraising page with as many people as possible. I'd be very appreciative of your time and thoughts.... but more to come... for now....

I have to start my career(S)..... and recover from The marathon....
Happy Fall Everyone! Love yourself, Love one another!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Baltimore Marathon 2011... mile by mile

Today was my second attempt at conquering the 26.2 mile feat, the Marathon. When I chose to run Baltimore marathon, I barely had an inkling of hope that I could even survive the training again without injury or mental collapse. However, since making the decision to run, I moved to Baltimore.

Here in Baltimore, I found a home. I found friends willing to run, and if not run, support my crazy dreams, and ridiculous efforts. CJ trained some of the longest runs with me, for which I am eternally grateful. Also Frank, Everett, Gina.... there are not words for the gratitude, love and respect I hold for you. The aforementioned people are my Heroes, some of many that have touched my life. The inspiring love and drive that these people have is above and beyond what I would ever expect from an ordinary acquaintance or even most friends. I must mention Sophia, for she was the reason I attempted this marathon at all, a great friend and also an inspiration! Jessica and my parents, Allison and my other Jessica.... you are all, amazing!! Also necessities in my life.

The run: Mile 1.... oh dear god, 7:43... I'm going to die, I need to slow down... Mile 2: I feel really good... 7:22 pace..... Oh DEAR... Mile 3.... met Michael....ran the next very fast miles with him... only to PB my ten mile at 72:50... , swedish fish are amazing... wouldn't it be grand if they sold them for endurance sports with E'lytes in 'em..... Mile 11: Hey Kim!! SO awesome that everyone is out cheering... this is spectacular!!!!! Michael is falling behind and my Half marathon 13.1 mi time @ 1:36:XX??

 Ok so about here, Im running essentially alone... my quads are aching a bit, already!!?....but nutritionally and cardiovascularly... still Good to Go.... (Yes I was amazed and wondering how long this would last).... Mile 14.. Mile 15... Mile 16... Holy Momma... still holding 7:30 pace and feeling pretty good... only 2 GUs left .... Am I really going to be able to maintain this pace? Mile 17 ...Mile 18... and Lake Montabella.... WOW, flat.... long, very windy, sunny.... Pain sets in.....legs are heavy.... GU time, re-dose on E'lytes... keep pushing.... hills are next.... one foot in front of the other... Mile 19... This is Where you decide who you are, as a runner, don't give up....Sign reads "Its like child birth, Keep Pushin'" Darn, they're right,.... I can do this.....

Mile 20... why am I doing this again, oh yea.... for the people in my life that have helped me be able to do this!!! :

"Dear John Gibb, I miss you, your death was unfair, unexpected..... I WILL push through for you... the pain you endured at the end of your life was unjust... for you I can be strong, for all that you gave me and taught me, I can at least do this."

"Dear Mrs. Christy, Why do diseases cripple and take away the ability to experience life, to ever run again, at all, and then to suffer until you inevitably are taken from those that love you... For you I run, because I can...

Dear Nicole, The words don't exist.... I miss you, Every day of my life that I struggle I think of you, such a beautiful life that had no right to be lost, I Will run for you, and for your family, because I am here, in part because of your love and kindness and because I Can.

Dear Veterans, of all War, but especially those of Iraq and Afghanistan, I can't even pretend to imagine that I have a clue what you've gone through to keep my life as easy as it is, that I can run down the street in safety, that I can I enjoy my freedoms, For everything that you have endured and for what you continue to endure....I am grateful and empathetic toward you and those that love you. I Will run.. because I CAN....

Dear People, because everyday in this life, the hard days and the beautiful easy days are all a gift. Because we get caught up and forget how strong we are, how lucky we are...Because I am Strong and Lucky I will Run....because I CAN....

Yes, I CAN DO THIS... everyone who has been in my life, effected my life brought me here to this point and I grateful.... Keep Going....

Mile 21... Pain in my legs quickly approaching 8/10.... heavy, weak.... refuel and keep moving forward...

Mile 22, you've felt worse... get over it.... keep it up... one foot in front of the other...body check..,.. the pain is in my muscles... lactic acid building, but still functioning like a fine tuned athlete.... thank goodness for my training partners!

Mile 23.... sweet, 5K left.... This is what counts....this is it... Boston.... dreams....being able to give back through my running.... Don't lose it now... you CAN do this...

Mile 24....How am I going to do this?... body check: legs, OUCH, heart... tired but strong.... mind... weakening...come on power through... no injuries, no sickness... you lucky girl... and a perfect fall day.... 2 miles... and runner X comes up....
      "REady to take this home" Me: I hope so.... X:"Two more hills and then let it out.... you got it, you look strong! Me (thinking): I don't feel strong.... but if he can share support with me, I owe him to try.... and he's right, I got this....

Mile 25: OMG.... Im really going to run this whole thing... Im going to Make it! OUCH.... eyes filled with tears for a second..... really hurting 10/10... but upper body is ok.... heart still beating, lungs still going.... feet still landing and muscles firing coordinated... alright.. I'm alright
Mile 25.3: Am I there yet?, how much further, I can't take this... just 30 secs of walking.. NO! do it... just move your legs and you'll get there....
Mile 25.5: Really, thats it.... (wow those half marathoners look good... I am jealous!!!)
Mile 26: 1/4 mile to go... owww... can  I cry???.. Nope.... Do this... too many people suffer for you to let this go now.... dreama big, nothing can stop you  until you let it...
Mile 26.1: OMG.... i can see it... (trying) and NOpe... legs wont go any faster... and thats ok.... Making it....
26.2... : THANK YOU FRANK, THANK YOU EVERETT, THANK YOU CJ!!! Tears, smiles and lots of pain.... oh crap.... my legs don't work.... a few hands to hold me up .... security guards to help me balance... Halleluia!!

5 min later: Tim a PT downtown, saved the day and got me a REGEN: chocolate milk stuff.. yucky... but 15 min later... guess who could almost walk normally?? :)

2 hours later: FEED ME!!!

And here we are...

Yes, I may be nutz, but my intention is good.... and in time, I will bring this good to others... I am so thankful to my friends.... my heart could literally burst.... <3

Thank You for my LIFE... I never would have expected so much Love to be mine... <3

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Message To America

I am Recovered. I am a healthy, emotionally mature adult female who actually knows what she wants from life. It amazed me to really come to terms with these facts and the fact that they are facts.

At 25 years old, I am All that I can Be, and how fantastic! I never joined any military component of our countries promise to help you find your road to success. I came very close, so close in fact I am still receiving emails from the marines, the army, the air force, the navy and yes, even the coast guard. To imagine that less than a year ago I was so confused, and imagine just three years before that I was even more confused and four more before that... this was the first time I considered the military. My path was different. I never joined. For this I am grateful.  Despite the ultimate gains that our many members of military society have had and for many continue to take part it in is a beautiful and wonderful gift. At what cost?
The commercial never tells you, Be all that you can Be, but change everything about yourself and who you used to be. This is NOT meant harp on the advertising, my purpose is much more simple. I have been reading Brain Bugs: How the brain's flaw shape our lives by Dean Buonomano and to see how we are so susceptible advertising, the promises we here and see and imitate. We naturally imitate those stronger than us. Evolution guides this.... after all there is no benefit for us to mimic weaker members of society.
So why join the military... it is proposed in more than few ways to be a force that pushes you to become the stronger members of our society. What went wrong that we have ALWAYS had men and women suffering from the neurological impact on their psyche after their time in war.  Warrior Life Coaching LLC. points out how we train our troops to act in specific manner, to ReAct in specific ways... ways that keep them alive... ways that in turn protect our rights and freedoms, whether or not we recognize it. Veterans of war have literally changed their brain chemistry.

Before I continue, it is extraordinarily important to recognize the plasticity of brain chemistry, it is always changing. Our scientific knowledge of the titrated values of neurotransmitters is vastly undetermined due to the difference in individuals. However, we do know that changes occur when levels change. Serotonin is key to happiness, pleasure and even, possibly, spirituality. Each neurotransmitter has key roles that do impact personality and mood. If the chemistries are abnormal to an individual they may become depressed, psychotic or manic. (I have no citations as this is my understanding and thinking, not a scientific article.)

The journey to be Strong has its purpose, as stated, we would not indulge in a great number of freedoms if people did not offer themselves to these programs. But when they return and don't quite "fit in," we turn away, sometimes with sympathy other times with anger, and worst of all when we don't take notice at all.

Whether or not we understand what they've been through, they have gained experience and knowledge beyond our stories and books, they have become our stories in the history books. And they struggle, not all I am sure, but a great many. Having never understood the impact,  I've had my eyes opened.

Before moving to Baltimore I didn't see much of anything military besides men on leave in NYC. But here I have met, seen and experienced a great number of people having come back form Afghanistan   and Iraq, the ones that have touched me range from 24-35y/o, and not one of them after more than a 10 minutes of observation in unaffected by their experience. They are certainly strong, confident men, proud to have been a part of all they have. There appears to me, something that underlies their pristine outward presentation.

My Mom has had this comic strip on the fridge for years of superman sitting with a psychologist asking, "When is it my turn to be saved?" When Do you we save the SuperMen and Women of America... when do we give them what they have given us??

There is an increasing number of organizations forming to aid these vets to restore their brain chemistry, to learn to re-route their expertly trained minds to function in non-war society, but people have to want this change and must be willing. "How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just One, but he has to want to change" Sadly, of the many I have met more than half of these men, think that it's all just fine, I've heard lines like, "He's been back for over a year, he's fine" meanwhile the painful drunken young man is spilling his beer on the bar and cussing and swinging about angrily over how someone looked at him. I truly cannot tell the entire story but please trust that I am not simply labeling him as "screwed up." For All I know, the story I heard wasn't real and he had just been dumped, or his mother passed away.... I do not begin to analyze the reason people hurt, because we ALL hurt.

My take home points:
-Veterans of War welcomed back into the Arms of American Society deserve our help, deserve our understanding and most of all deserve our support- because that is what they have given us, if not more; Many a life, many a limb, and many other incomparable struggles.
-But why can't we help each other to recognize this FACT: WE ALL SUFFER, WE ALL HURT... and we DO NOT have to alone. Perhaps in War (I hope I will never know) One must always be strong. But here, in America, in this land we believe to be free and wonderful... we are ALLOWED to be HUMAN.... to feel, to express (within reason). Reach out a hand if you struggle. Open up, face your fears.... and maybe just maybe find a better life.
-Lastly, this message is to anyone with internal struggle, whether you suffer from depression, from an eating disorder, from neurological diseases or from physical ailments that effect who you are, Find An outlet, find a place you can be open.... There is no need for any human being in this country to go on without help.