tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62457349921199994762024-03-08T11:55:17.628-08:00Human, Woman, Warriormxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-47482935599887026322013-11-04T16:30:00.000-08:002013-11-04T16:30:27.884-08:00Pinhoti 100<br />
<em> 100 miles is a long way to go. It provides many more than 100 ways you can be challenged along the way. Pre-race I was confident I could overcome whatever the run brought my way. Just as I expected my race would come into question as the struggles grew, but I certainly couldn't have imagined anything close to the real experience.</em><br />
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6:01AM Nov.2.2013.<br />
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The race had already started, although I hadn't. I was now full out running opposite the race participants frantically searching out the check-in tent. Once my name was checked on the list of starters I was off running, bib in hand since I only had two safety pins and no time. I started running headed for the single track trail. <br />
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The first 100+ runners were already on the trail and the others at a stand still at the trail head awaiting the bottleneck to empty out enough to squeeze on. All I could hear in my mind was the pre-race speech the night before about how important it would be to start where you want to be because it's single track and nobody likes the person who has to keep passing everyone. I shoved myself in front of as many people as possible, but I was still WAY behind where I planned on starting and knew that I was about to be "THAT" runner. I would surge left, pass and jump back into the trail with a "sorry, on your left, thank you!" About the third time I did that, roughly 100 yards onto the single track trail, as I jumped back onto the trail my right ankle folded over the right edge of the trail.* POP POP* I heard as I pulled my ankle back under my leg thanking god no one noticed and I was still standing. A wave of nausea and pain swept over me. "Should I quit?" I asked myself hobbling as normally as possible, after all I felt terrible about being the trail jerk already and this almost felt like karma. The pain was reminiscent to the last time I sprained my ankle back in college, which I'd run on for three weeks or so before seeking care, but even then I certainly didn't run on it immediately. The previous experience mixed with knowing that it'd swell enough soon to provide some support made me decide I'd keep moving, cautiously of course, as it was wobbly underneath me. Slowly it became more steady but every little rock was an issue. I knew one more sprain would have me down and finished. <br />
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Passing the first aid station I shed my long sleeve shirt and headlamp, forgetting to even mention the ankle to my crew. I just kept moving as I was way off where I wanted to be secondary to being stuck behind numerous runners starting at a lower pace than I was planning for and the darn ankle. I hustled through AS (aid station) 2, making sure to finally connect my bib to myself with my safety pins and tell my crew to please find me some motrin and Tylenol as I would be in need down the road. Still moving steadily through AS 3 but beginning to worry as my stomach felt heavy, I wasn't eating much at all and was concerned for the long term effects on my race but I just couldn't take much more in. AS 4, I paused taking a breather. No crew was allowed here so there was less intensity and I could catch my breath and slow my mind. I was so concerned about pace and my ankle that my mind had spinning for hours already. And I really wasn't feeling well. I jumped back in and in no time arrived at AS 5. <br />
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I was excited to see my crew and confident I could keep on. I force fed myself some food and tried to convince myself to move but the ankle was large and trying to win my attention, I hesitated for another minute and then realized how much worse it felt after stopping and again jumped right back in the run. AS 6, great people out there, grabbed a couple pretzels nothing big, just running on some of the most gorgeous trails I've had the opportunity to experience. I was already into the climb but the next stretch was the long portion of the climb to Bald Rock. It was already the warmest time of day, my stomach still lead heavy and my calorie intake severely deficient. My doubts began to play on my mind. <br />
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The climb kept on going, as they always seem to. Another female runner past me and said. "It's too bad we don't have enough energy to enjoy the view when we get to the top." I instantly agreed although I had every intention of enjoying the view (perhaps that means I wasn't going 'hard enough') and I did. I ventured nearer the edge of Bald Rock itself before I remember the fatigue in my legs and thought how terrible if I fell right off the edge. From where I did stand for a wonderful 20 seconds you could see the most amazing view, per Dave (my crew), roughly 35 miles out across Alabama on a gorgeous fall day around 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Then I ran across the wooden bridge into the AS. I needed a change of shoes. My Nike Free's which I truly did consider to be good enough for this trail, and they might have been, were not with the soft swelling and laxity in my ankle. I needed more support and more shock absorbance so I changed into my Ryka trail shoes, which are alright but tear up my heals where the back edge rub, something I knew I'd be dealing with hours later. Despite my well designed crewing bag, my socks were no where to be found so I kept the damp and dirty ones on. I ate a pickle, some cola, some plantains and bagged up some raw cookies and despite coming into the AS with a mind full of quitting I was up and ready to go with my pacer, Joe.<br />
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We were off, down Blue Hell, my absolute favorite terrain- boulders.... but not nearly so enjoyable with a busted ankle. Climbing down steep rock face for half of a mile was rough but still enjoyable. The next few miles Joe was trying to push me, but I felt strained. He would suggest a trot and I would try. My left quad was giving out early as it was taking the extra balance and support off my right leg. I felt worse and worse, but pushed hard. I just couldn't seem to keep it up. I would feel weak and dizzy, short of breath and then get just enough 'umph' to pick it up again, but I wasn't recovering well. AS 8 I ate nothing, drank a little cola but I felt like my stomach was maxed out. I'd also taken a nice fall and tore some skin off my hand so we did a quick rinse and tape job. Then, I just refilled my water bottle with Heed and kept on going. My stomach was at its worst yet and then I got hungry. AS 9 I took in potato chips and bacon, and my favorite salted boiled potatoes. I felt good, until we started moving again. This stretch was the shortest on the course 3.2 miles. Joe really wanted me to get moving and I was just crashing. I thought since I finally got some food in me, I'd be great in no time. Instead I felt at my worst. My stomach throbbed, my sight blurry, my legs weak and unmanageable. I couldn't believe it, and yet I could. This was mid-race, about the time my mind is weakest. I knew it would come and I knew I'd have to get past it. I was determined and trudged through the trail to AS 10. Here I sat. I rested, I ate. I put on a long sleeve shirt and grabbed my headlamp and flashlight. It was only 5:30PM but it was dark on the trail. Despite truly thinking it was a nice time to quit I was up again, my humor had returned. I was smiling and joking as we trotted onto the course. <br />
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I got back into the game and started moving, my way. I was hiking. I couldn't run on my ankle, not even a shuffle, but my hike was just as fast as a slow shuffle and I worked it, hard. We picked up pace and covered distance steadily. AS 11, I felt strong. Filled my bottle with Hi-Ball coconut water (now a new favorite) and we just kept moving. AS 12 and 13 are a blur, I was doing well. There were highs and lows but I was pacing well and on track. There was pretty good climb in there which was rough but I was handling alright. I was still only eating at random, not as often as I should. And I needed to redoes the my Tylenol/ motrin combo. Leaving AS 13, after refilling another Hi-Ball coconut water, Dave asked me if I needed any warmer layers. I felt so good temperature wise I said I wouldn't need it. It had clearly gotten colder, which Joe and I both noticed but only when we stopped running, so I was certain I was fine. We were about to take on a long climb, I was afraid I'd overheat! <br />
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The trek to Pinnacle, AS 14 was endless but fun. The switchbacks were amusing and the course was wonderful, I was only slightly disappointed that I couldn't run in the dark at all on the trail. My favorite time and place to run, but I had to keep each step with my right foot certain. At the top we refueled, AS 15 and again I was on my way. Still felling great, and comfortable. We were trekking nearly jogging along a long stretch of fire road when something went terribly wrong. The temperature dropped and the cool wind that was blowing was no longer my friend. I felt myself getting cold, my whole body tightening and slowing, as if someone had thickened my blood. I said to Joe, "I am about to hit danger zone cold." For anyone who knows me, you know that when I get to that level of cold, it's nearly impossible to break the chill without being submerged in 100 F degree water for 20 minutes. Within five minutes of my statement to Joe, everything changed.<br />
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My legs were stiff, my knees wouldn't bend, my legs felt uncontrollable, my ankles frozen and pain through and through. I was shivering a little and increasing. I prayed in my mind that this would break, that I hadn't gotten to my true Danger Zone in terms of body temp. We arrived at AS 16 and I went straight for the fire, with everyone around afraid I'd fall right in. I was deliriously cold. I had no feeling left in my fingers and just pain through my legs. I could hardly breathe properly and my eyes were blurry and tearing. I could hardly feel the fire. I still tried to have hope and focus. I got pants on and my warmest jacket, a new pair of gloves and hot hands. I was still shaking hard. But I wanted to keep moving. I drank three cups of hot broth/ noodles. Someone at the AS asked me about my protein intake and I tried to think about how much that might help, but instead I was thinking time and liquid. I'd just had 20 oz. of liquid and already had to escape the woods but I wasn't ready, being female, I basically have to be half naked for minute and being that cold I just couldn't do it. So I turned down the bean soup offer and headed out, hoping with all my might that my legs would warm and my heart would get back into that enjoyable rhythm I had going on when I was warm. No such luck, I actually felt like I was still getting colder, the harder I pushed the more terrible it seemed to feel.<br />
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I began wondering if I was being stupid. I mean, how cold was I? Mostly things are mind over matter, but in this case I couldn't tell. I tried to run and it was like everything was delayed and off balance and then the return of the pain and wobbling in my joints. I stuck with a walk striding for 4mph but feeling like it was slower and slowing. I was actually afraid I could become hypothermic, so I kept checking my orientation. The only way I would quit was if finishing meant I was headed the hospital. I would not make a fool of myself or hurt myself for something that is for fun. If I truly couldn't I wouldn't but otherwise I was finishing, no matter what.<br />
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Joe took off his jacket and threw that on me too, despite my wishing he wouldn't. It was the best motivation I could have gotten. In my mind, Joe had risked freezing to death for my race, I wouldn't let him down. He needed me to go fast enough to let him keep a shuffle so he could make enough body heat for himself. The 3-4mph pace was killing me, but I just couldn't bear knowing how cold he was and how genuinely kind he was being. AS 17, closing in on 90 miles and I hovered near the fire, eating cookies and soup. I finally got the courage to head into the woods and freeze for a minute, then back to the fire just for a second and then I wanted to get moving. There wasn't much hope for me getting any better at this point, I just needed to get to the finish line. In a few more miles I could stop feeling terrible for Joe freezing for me and listening to my cries of pain and shivering and I could just get myself to the end with Dave. By the time we got to AS 18 I was done for. My pace had gone to pathetically slow and I could hardly function, I was almost falling asleep and/ or falling over. I dumped my water here, because I wasn't drinking it anyway (it was too cold to drink or hold at this point). I just carried the bottle for show because you have to. I put on Dave's hoodie on top of everything else and he dropped a hot hand in the back of my jacket which landed on my shoulders and it felt so good I left it there. We started moving, desperately slow. I knew when we hit pavement I'd have two terribly long miles to go. People were flying by now, my mind eating at me. I had pride in that I was still moving. Gratitude to Joe and to Dave, lovingly by my side supporting me by not overtly acknowledging everything that hurt me, since at that point breathing hurt me. My body was flooded with lactic acid and I was still shivering, dragging my feet with both of them numb and feeling like pounds of sharps glass grinding against my knees. The pavement stretched on and on. When we finally saw the track, a tear shed and I couldn't believe it. Logically I knew it would come, but even "just about a mile" (per a nice community member hanging out cheering us on Sunday morning) felt impossible. But We did it. Dave and I crossed the line at 26:10, Joe was waiting.<br />
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The kind volunteers got my hand cleaned up and ice on my gorgeous fat ankle. My hands looked like the Michelin tire guy but I was So happy. I'd made it and so grateful. A nap, bath, another nap, food and couple beers later and Pinhoti is in the books ya'll!!! Another memory. <br />
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mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-57547036724193017762013-07-05T04:21:00.000-07:002013-07-05T04:21:11.710-07:00How Many Ways We LiveThink of the number of ways we metaphorically try to convince ourselves of the very fact that sometimes life sucks. For runners, its the old some days are better than others, but you always run... sometimes its a good apple, sometimes bad... when life hands you lemons.... I think you get the picture.<br />
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Life, living is hard... thats why we all get to have one another.... if we could only trust one another....<br />
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Well then, that would be something.mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-12015226590012376382013-07-03T05:13:00.000-07:002013-07-03T05:13:19.503-07:00A Change of Style, a Shift of PurposeI always write in my blogs in random story structure, making the actual effort that goes into it a three to four hour commitment. Which is wonderful, but no longer something I have time to do. So instead I think I'd prefer this blog be a little shorter, easier to follow and with no specific theme, like running.<br />
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Running is clearly a top priority in my life, but there are also many others.<br />
So now I can share within a few minutes, just as you can read within a few minutes.<br />
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2.5 weeks out from 20in24.... and much more news to come!<br />
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<3mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-62174519595767044282013-03-25T09:48:00.000-07:002013-03-25T13:15:06.167-07:00HAT 27.5 K Wow, what an experience. Who would have thought you don't Have to finish something you start? It was childhood message, along with many other 'loving' things I "owned" that I never finished anything I started. I set out sometime in my teenage years to prove this wrong. And I've done that, and then gotten trapped by it. I know I can, so why force it.<br />
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At 26 years old I'm only starting to learn that it's up to me what I do. What my readers think of my writing, what my fellow runners think of me, what my friends think of me, as deeply routed as the belief is that I MUST be what I want them to believe me to be, I don't, and even more so, I can... change my mind?? Oh my god!<br />
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Long story short, I'm not that bad off. I've been recovering from 2012 for months while working on a few other things, like my inability to trust people and my need to outwardly struggle with my emotions in an attempt to push people away, a new job and some other great things. I mean this is life, whether or not we care to focus on the same things, we all deal with 'stuff'. We all have things we do, ways we act that aren't really great. It is a part of the human condition. Anyway, ya'll are reading to hear about my race so:<br />
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I didn't know about running HAT...the whole weekend got to be a bit much, between everything else in life I just didn't know what to do. Most importantly I was afraid of putting my running back in the gutter, I just started to feel good again. I spoke to a friend a day or two before the race who suggested I let go of the "need to finish" and just enjoy it. Seemed simple, I mean thats why I do it, run ultras....right?<br />
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So I considered it and then I thought it was great idea. In the mean time another friend offered to come with me, I was so Excited! I rarely have friends say, "I would love to come to your race, it sounds like fun!" So it was decided, I was going to the run, then what? I left it TBD...<br />
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It was a cold morning, but sunny, the sun was warming us all, but the heat was flowing out of our bodies as we patiently bounced around at the start line. And then we were off. The first loop was 1.4 miles- I couldn't help but appreciate the spectator friendly course with a friend there. We came through the start area again 3.4 miles into the run and then headed off for loop 1 of 2- 13.7 miles.<br />
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It was amazing, the course I mean... but now I had caught up with Laura another runner I'd recently been in contact with and had offered emotional support as a fellow runner who nderstood my burn out. We ran together and chatted for a while when I looked ahead and saw Ms. Jackie Palmer, yet another amazing ultra runner I just haven't had the opportunity to see in quite a while so I picked up the pace to catch up and say hi. That lasted about a mile, when I decided there was no reason to be running that hard today so after our conversation I dropped back.<br />
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The course was gorgeous, my favorite style of trail: rolling hills, winding path with roots and rocks, ever changing ground... I was in heaven. In some time I passed through the aid station at picnic area and saw almost everyone else I was looking for that day. I chatted with Christian, said hi to Robert and his wife, who run the Picnic Area aid station annually, ran with AJ a bit. What a great run! Headed out of the aid station I got a peek at the sweatshirt you get for finishing the run. Suddenly I considered sticking out the 31.1 miles for the piece of clothing. I went back and forth as Laura and I climbed the following miles up to the start/ finish area.<br />
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Somewhere around 15 miles, I said to Laura, "this is has been wonderful, gorgeous day, gorgeous course, wonderful people, and I feel good. I think I'm going to go home." I was empowered by my own plan. I was going to go home and feel good, and continue my day with more friends and attend a birthday celebration with my boyfriend. I was happy, totally.<br />
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So when I got to the start/ finish area the aid station workers were looking to assist me, when I told them I was stopping, they attempted to convince me to "save my race" and I smiled and said "thank you so much, but my race doesn't need saving, I feel good and I'm going to stop now." And that was that, I went over and the told the race coordinators I was dropping and Kim and I headed home.<br />
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I had a wonderful time and wonderful day. Which I struggled with later, as expected... not finishing wasn't ALL that easy, but it was also nice to feel in charge of my running again, it had seemed as if I had run away from myself for a bit too long. So this is short and sweet, pretty basic lesson, that I needed to practice...<br />
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So Thank You to everyone I saw and spoke to and ran with and who volunteered etc...<br />
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<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-52371905186498056832013-03-08T06:29:00.000-08:002013-03-08T06:29:32.626-08:00Addendum: Paving a New InentionI Am Running Hat 50K.... so there. (The "so there" is to me.... anyone reading this already knows most of my issues- or most issues of most runners is in their mind.... so I am now convinced thanks to a wonderful friend and some new people arriving conveniently into my life when they're most needed that I am running Hat.... YAY!) Thats all... oh I am also officially a certified running coach! Also Pretty Great....mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-24683005169847910842013-03-05T21:41:00.000-08:002013-03-05T21:41:03.452-08:00Paving a New Intention: Seneca Greenway 2013This past weekend I took part in Seneca Greenway 50k starting down at Riley's Locke and ending in Damascus. The course was flip flopped form the former years secondary to growth of the race and parking issues. I was excited to run this race. This race alone was the one that got me hooked into ultras. I met so many wonderful people last year running and talking. I remember the struggle, the 6ish miles in the pouring rain before the race evan began and then the ever continuing miles and miles of trail. I remember the pain, the fatigue, everything. But it was fresh. To do something hard and new is exhilarating, there is something satisfying in the achievement of surviving your own self-created challenge. What about after you've done it, over and over.... how marathons do you finish before you no longer question your passing the line, just simply the time it takes you?<br />
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So, without sounding painfully conceded, I have no doubt in my personal ability to complete 31+ miles of a 50K on the Seneca Greenway trail. With the exception of blowing my electrolytes by making some terrible known decisions or having a physical accident/ injury occur, there is no reason I can't finish that distance, or even 50, or even 100 miles at this point in time. It changes the game. It changes the playing field in your heart and mind. I don't run to win, and I don't even allow myself to race myself.<br />
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I spent the last 4+ years learning how not to compete and to just enjoy the ride (in life), all of it, which still takes practice. So when you put yourself on the ride over and over, the ride everyone else tells you you have to be crazy to be on, you wonder. The more time you spend there, the more times you think, "hmmm, perhaps its true, this is F%#*ing insane."<br />
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My 2012 running season was profound, to me. Whatever any one else thinks is irrelevant to this posting, to me- I amazed myself. I built a foundation of strength I didn't know existed, but now its there. I burnt out by the end of the year, fairly enough I'd say. But now I am progressing again with my training, only I am confused on my intention.<br />
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I never meant to win last year, I never even meant to place, just simply to complete that which I said I would do. I was to explore my abilities. And I did.<br />
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Now, what is the goal? What is the purpose? I'm 26 y/o, I'm in no position in my life to claim stability. Last year I was working and training. I was single and committed.<br />
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Fast fwd: 2013: I am not single, I have a job I'm proud of and committed to doing my best at, and I also like to give a variety of my time to help out some amazing ppl in Baltimore whom I hold close to my heart and in my other spare time, I do luckily still have some pretty amazing friends.....so wait, where did the commitment go? I am NOT any less committed to my ultra running, in fact, I may actually be more committed simple due to the fact that I am always trying harder and harder to get in the time and the energy. Ok, but I was thought to maybe be able to "take the ultra-world by storm"... Be the "Next".... Whatever catch phrase is inspired by great achievements. Am I letting myself down? Am I letting others down?<br />
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I didn't, I haven't stopped wondering what I can/am able to do, but I wonder how and when, and in the mean time... for who. I LOVE to run, thats not in question. I love trails on warm sunny days. I love muddy runs, and obstacles of nature. I even like competition, but I do Not race, except for the last 200meters of any run ( I call that my speed training ;).)<br />
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So getting back to Seneca, not so bad a day, dreary with some random snow flakes floating around, but not TOO cold, roughly 36F with some mild winds. A nice 8am start, that I barely made it too thanks to my nerves making me a but careless. This was my first race of 2013, a test of my heart more than my body.<br />
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By mile 6, the course seemed endless. Worst of all, I've run that section of the course 3 times now and knew where I was, it felt like I was on a treadmill, going nowhere but giving everything I had. Eventually we got to aid station #1, I didn't even stop, I had calories on me and wasn't drinking much with the cold weather. Aid station #2 came after what felt like 2 hours, but that was only mile 11, It couldn't be 11am yet, could it? (I wore no watch and never ask what I don't need to know).<br />
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I already decided that if Dave, my support crew for the day was at mile 13, I would ask him to take me home. I don't know what I was thinking, I didn't see anyone I knew, the weather was blah, the trees still all wintery and dead, my attitude was trying.... but man... I just wanted to not be running 33ish miles, this is stupid, I thought. However, upon arrival to the AS @ mile 13, no Dave present. And the "which race are you in , marathon or 50K?" came... and of course I said 50K... off I headed to loop around the lake adding miles to my many miles. Running off I was angry with Dave for not taking me away but maybe he'd be there when I finished the loop I thought.<br />
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During the loop, my stomach ached and groaned. I'd already needed to "pop-a-squat" for an hour or so, but the course was riddled with male runners and there was no greenery. The loop around the wide open lake was NOT the time. And now my stomach was talking.....I dropped my pace to an almost trot and just HAD to make it. Eventually, maybe as little as 15 min, but feeling closer to an hour my stomach felt better and my kidneys too. I kept on going. No Dave on the other end either. Confused and slightly annoyed I stopped, the race volunteers looked at me and pointed me to the course, asking if I needed anything. My mind screamed, "Yes, I need to stop running, this is insane, take me home!!" but I said "no" and jogged off on down the trail.<br />
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This second half or so of the race became continually easier. I wanted to stop so bad I was able to push myself. Recognizing the course was still the hardest part, followed closely by my need to pee, and then the cold that perpetually confused my body. I was hot centrally, but freezing at my extremities and every change I made just threw it back and forth.<br />
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In this half of the race I passed by the turn for the finish line for stone mill 50 miler and annoyance again took over.<br />
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I passed a girl who'd long past left me in the dust. I just hoped she felt alright. Soon enough I caught up with a very strong male runner who'd sprained his ankle a few hours back and was struggling for a decent finish. It occurred to me that I was running pretty well, not great. But I was moving steadily, still climbing all the hills and passing a number of people.<br />
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Eventually at the second of the next two aid stations, Dave was there. Now of course, I was having fun, in pain, tired and cold as the temperature continued to plummet and the wind picked up, but I was okay. I finally asked how much I had left. I was expecting 4miles (or more) to be the answer so when they calmly said I had only 1.5 miles to go, I took off running.... I was almost done.<br />
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I ran well, I felt considerably good. And then I saw the clock 5:30...40 minutes slower than last year, and last year I'd warmed up with 6 extra miles and run in the mud. Last year was last year though, and so I let it sink in, that I did well, for that day, I gave what I had and did what I came to do and most importantly what I said I would do. The job was complete. I was sad, sad that it felt like a job. I wanted to go home.<br />
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And so we did go home. Within in hours I remembered the run with happiness and content. Naturally I am very confused about why I was upset, or what my expectations are. Perhaps just growing pains? I mean you can't be a naive newbie forever. The knowledge of the pain and the reality of the run is very real. It's no longer a proof of ability, its... its....what? Fun...?? I'm just not sure, am I having fun? No one else can answer that but me... and I can't seem to.<br />
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I am questioning giving up my spot at Hat 50K, its a large race with a long wait list- People who really want to race or complete. As qualified as I may considered to be to run, even race it, I feel I should let someone whose heart is 100% there enjoy the day. But when I think about the run... I get excited and thrilled to be preparing for it. So.... no idea.... I am a mess, but at least a glorious beautiful mess with a very blessed life.<br />
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Hat 50K is still TBD. But more postings for sure .....I <3 running!mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-22446998114769944322013-02-28T11:59:00.000-08:002013-02-28T11:59:12.645-08:00All in Your AttitudeIt's been too long. My blank page below awaits my thoughts eagerly. The keyboard clicks and clacks and my mind sinks into a world of words and confusion and one by one the words line up across the screen forming sentences, thoughts, ideas and context to my reader.<br />
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Writing is an art. There are many right and wrong ways but everything is soley dependant on perspective. What a comment! What in our lives is not dependant on our perspective. I mean at the end of the day, what we see, hear, feel, taste or otherwise experience is an extraordinary complicated mess of interpretation based soley off the firing of neurons and the connections that have been previously created, some inherently and other learned through time. Picturing the human brain firing up for a sentence is amazing. If you could watch me write this peice on a PET scan you would see colors in many areas of my brain. As I picture the picture that you're now seeing. We are curious creatures. Complex and simple simultaneously.<br />
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I end my time at Johns Hopkins Hospital today. As a goodbye to my first professional family, friends and mentors I find myself feeling torn apart and stronger than ever. I am excited to movc on, to take my career in the direction it is headed but leaving behind the comfort formed here is nostalgic.<br />
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For months I struggled, I prayed, I fought forward, wishing and hoping for this opportunity, and here it is. The time has come. In this moment, on this day, my attitude going forward must remain strong. Remain.... as if its been nearly that, haha. Often people tell me I am inspiring, or strong... and I love to hear it, but they don't see me collapsing behind every closed door. <br />
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I am strong, because I Will never give up. I do hope that that will to survive and progress is inspriring. I even hope that my humbling honesty allows people to feel safe in their own skin, to know that despite my achievements, despite the external, when I see myself, I do not feel strong, I do not feel inspiring, I do not feel like much at all. I feel like a child, searching desperately for a place of comfort. <br />
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What's wrong with that? Except that life has very few comfort zones. Life is tough, that's what makes it so damn beautiful. That is what makes getting up in the morning worth it. You get one, solitary lifetime to do anything and everything you want. The only things that block your path are your beliefs, your perspective, your thought patterns and those tiny little firing neuronal connections. You can change them. <br />
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Sometimes I don't know if people know that. You can change the patterns of how chemicals are released in your mind, you can change which memories are triggered and what parts of your life become the basic groundwork. Thats all yours, the mind is maleable. How do we know this?<br />
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We know becuase there is disease, malfuntion of the body. By seeing and studying the ways the body breaks down, we get to see how it functions. The tough part is that the human brain is imcomparable to say the human knee. Even the knee is complex, but from soft tissue, bone and nerves to the atomic level of it functions, is comprehensible. The human brain however, has so many intricacies that try as we do, the list of ways things go awry is endless, and often difficult if not impossible to explain. Through disease of the mind we have learned of chemical changes, hormonal changes, neuronal changes, pressure changes, cellular changes, etc.... <br />
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So, the point is, you're in control of your own being, your own thoughts, perspectives and what you show the world. But everyone has weaknesses, if they're viewed as weaknesses, for me they are my emotions. I feel, I feel too deeply, in my opinion and I despise feeling.... the good and the bad... they both make me very aware of my being- which is an uncomfortable state. Good feelings create fear of loss, bad feelings create fear of the endless abyss of fear. Fear itself, perpetuates Fear. And so you can totally immbolize a very powerful, strong being.<br />
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When I was living a life of nothing to lose, that freedom literally freed me. The past few months, I gave up my freedom- not literally but in my own attitude and perspective. By allowing myself to view my freedom as hindered I perperuated a fear cycle that continually pulls me back into its grips. Which, for the record, is highly annoying. There are only a few things in this life that truly scare me<br />
1) ticks<br />
2) abandonment <br />
3) Purposeful deceit<br />
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Other than that... haha. Ok ok so these things are very unequal... but nonetheless quite real. Ticks are evil, that is my belief and I have no interest in thinking any different, period.<br />
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Abandonment is a bullshit thing to be afraid of, since I am not afraid of being alone, I am afraid of attachment and losing the object of attachment- One of the the known human qualities. If you never suffer from attachment and / or loss then you are an "enlightened being". Also, something I have come to believe. However, this one has ties in places in my body and my mind that can literally make me ill physically and mentally. Purposeful deceit stems from the idea, and also based on attachment, attachment to expectations.<br />
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Therefore, in summation to this highly random and somewhat wandering posting, I believe that it is time to change my attitude toward human suffering and instead of allowing it to produce fear, instead let it allow me to push further onward. I mean, seriously, I have some rather large goals that are hard for me to concieve at times.... I need to get to work. I don't have time to worry about every intricate matter of who comes and goes in my life. The Door to my life is an open one, come in anytime, have some coffee, tea or even lemonade, stay awhile with me. If you go, the door remains open. No friend, no lover, no foe shall ever need to worry about finding a key. <br />
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Oh, thats sounds so friendly, so calming, but highly unrealistic. Nonetheless I do hope one day that I have transformed my own mind and patterns enough to say that I can truly love and trust people without anxiety and fear of their leaving. I mean thats why medicine is so pleasant. You have the opportunity to love every human that comes through your door, with no attachment necessary, in fact contra-indicated. A safe haven for a loving soul who fears being ripped to shreads by deceit and abdonment.<br />
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Well, I just ran out of steam, which is good, because you've likely lost track of where this is headed, I know I have... just kidding. I just wanted to do some free writing, get some ideas out. I've been letting myself down lately, on a very personal level, and I just think its about time I stand up for myself. So thats how this started and thats how it is finishing.<br />
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Running @ Seneca Greenway 50K this weekend, nothing crazy, just a gorgeous long run with some good people. <br />
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Loving My Life, for ALL that it is <3<br />
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mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-62823836248471205792013-01-13T11:02:00.002-08:002013-01-14T13:46:45.454-08:00Mistakes Happen: Lessons of Life<i>The trails of our lives do not nearly pass beneath our feet with ease. Each step, each forward motion is an effort to maintain stability, an awkward combination of neurologic feedback patterns working with critical awareness of not only the ground beneath you but the air around you, the temperature, the lighting, everything is noted with precision. </i><br />
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Running to any runner is simply an expression of their own livelihood. It makes us feel whole, satisfied and provides a setting for calm; Something that most of us struggle to find in our daily routines. What happens when the calm becomes chaotic? As if everything that used to make sense during those "personal moments" is now simply a blur of mass confusion. You no longer feel as though you're expressing yourself, but instead you begin to feel you are dragging yourself onward.<br />
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Every day, every run the mind searches for its sense of calm, but its no longer there. You begin consciously trying to recreate the pleasures that had always come to you effortlessly. Scanning the trees or the building, the people's faces, anything that used to help make you feel one with the world around you, but alas no connection forms. Emotionally, there is nothing between you and your stride. The run has become empty.<br />
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I haven't written in a while, most often my yearning to write is inspired by my running, but my running has , hmm....taken a vacation. It'll be back. Long Story Short: I have Overtraining syndrome. This is not something that comes on quickly, it takes months of overdoing it. I probably starting overreaching in June 2012. I ran "Running with the Devil" up in NJ and although I took a solid 4 days off, I started running before I could even comfortably walk. This wouldn't sound extreme to most of the runners I know, however I knew I felt bad, but I wanted to stick to my plan.<br />
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If there's anything I've learned, but continually struggle to practice is that as an endurance athlete you should NEVER hold yourself to your plan at the cost of your health or life enjoyment.<br />
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Not long after this race everything started to head downhill (running wise). I began noticing a shift in my life. I was no longer playful (I'm a tree climber- a really big kid, you know the one that runs and jumps over park benches for no good reason?) I was in too much constant pain and fatigue to play. I recall walking solemnly along the "Alice in Wonderland" type garden I visited with my family when I suddenly became fully aware of the fact that I was becoming "Ill."<br />
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After this realization I cut back my training hours, I stopped doing all the extra stuff I had been before. I was just running with some mild yoga for stability and flexibility. And this lasted a couple weeks, and then I decided to peak my mileage. I ran my first string of 80+ mile weeks and although I was fatigued, and always in pain, my pride felt good.<br />
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Meanwhile I was starting a relationship, which meant my sleep patterns, eating patterns, and drinking patterns were changing. There was a lot of misbalance and I struggled to keep it together. I'd have a good week, then a bad week and so forth. At the end of August I ran Cheat Mountain 50 miler and I there was a massive shift in my emotional self around mile 35. It was like everything changed within 10 miles. All of sudden I no longer knew what I was doing. I had a great race, for which I was quite proud, but something internally was going awry. With only one month until my first 100 mile run and other commitments prior to it as well as following it I decided to just keep moving, excepting the emotional glitch in my running as simply a glitch.<br />
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September, my anxiety was out of this world, I was basically on an extended taper and I wasn't handling my job, my relationship or much of anything that well anymore, but I was determined to keep it together and run the 100 miler. And So I did, and struggled 90% of the race, but I finished, and certainly not poorly either, despite my personal disappointment- which I couldn't even seem to clearly comprehend. I knew it wasn't what I could do with my mental capacity for achievement, but I had to admit that given where I was at, the race had gone just fine.<br />
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Post-Bear 100 miler, I took 7 days off to the minute. I went out for my first run, picked a new area and explored, I felt ... okay... not great but okay. I went with it and headed into Baltimore marathon the following weekend and stupidly ran the same race I had the year before, went out hard and didn't quit, shaving nearly 4 minutes off my original (2011) time. Great! except for the impact on my mind and body. It was now common to have some mild chest discomfort during my runs. They made me uncomfortable but didn't progress so I was aware, but unconcerned.<br />
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I took another 7 days off, this time not so ready to come back, but again I did, and then stumbled through Marine Corps Marathon, making the finish line with nothing left to give. All I wanted was to go home. I felt like I had let down SFHW and myself, but at least I had done what I said I would and completed the run.<br />
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I took another 7 days off, and then simply dabbled with running, I knew I needed a break. I slowly increased again prepping for Stone Mill 50 miler which I knew I would struggle through because I wasn't feeling well at all on my runs even after taking time and cutting back my training hours to nearly 5hrs per week from my original 18+hrs the year prior. Stone Mill came and again, a decent showing for the race and I even had some fun. I thought maybe this was good, maybe I was coming back.<br />
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But no. I was progressively getting slower, more fatigued, my mental capacity was failing. I was so stressed out I was now taking xanax at least once a day and beginning to pray for some sort for 'anything' that might get my life back on track.<br />
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I didn't just lose motivation, I had no passion, for anything, I was clinically depressed, and I knew it. I tried to force my way through and then eventually collapsed over and over. It became a weekly event for me to totally crumble into tears and irrational fears. I had totally lost myself or I felt like I had.<br />
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2013!! Happy New Year!! I had pushed a couple long runs....pushed hard.... I had no desire for any of it but everything you read about low motivation is to simply give yourself a day and then get back in the game. I tried, again and again and again. I wasn't in the game. Next thing I know I'm sleeping in 10+ hour stretches and/ or struggling to sleep at all. I am well aware of the symptoms of overtraining, but not sleeping is normal for me, but hypersomnia is a problem. I started to get very scared. My pace crumbled. I hadn't paid too much attention to my pace for the last couple months because I didn't want to push myself, but my once 7:40 pace long runs were now 10:40 pace and struggling sometimes reaching to 11:20 pace. I just couldn't go anymore.<br />
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The final straw came last weekend, after running a fun run, 5 mile trail loops and experiencing some serious palpitations and horribly weakened cardiovascular recovery. I decided I needed to be careful, but no necessarily stop. So I ran 10 miles the following day (after completing 31 the day before). Took a rest day then ran 12 miles on Tuesday. I was okay, sort of, I was almost unfunctional; I was THAT fatigued. I continued to become anxious and my memory was poor, I was making a lot of little mistakes throughout the day. I pushed for a 6 mile run on Wednesday which took me almost 70 minutes and I felt terrible. Once home I was nearly ready to collapse. I felt so DONE, I was almost afraid to drive to work.<br />
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I haven't run since then. Its time to Stop. Even now 3 days into rest time, my heart feels weak, the fatigue is beginning to improve but I feel washed up.<br />
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Welcome to being Over trained to the point of physiologic breakdown. BUMMER! I trusted myself to know better, but it was almost like the self-injurious part of my brain became stronger and stronger. I was determined to force myself through. I put so much pressure on myself to just make myself get better. Well, sometimes you need to just stop forcing, some things are outside of your control.<br />
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So 24hrs after the above post was written, 4 days into recovery I was able to successfully practice yoga without my heart rate soaring from a chattarunga. Improvement, slow but surely. Having written this piece yesterday I was saddened to see how long I was truly aware of my health and continued to ignore the screaming sounds of my body and mind suffering. I literally thought I was losing my mind again, but now already, I feel so much less anxiety. A nice tired serenity has swept over me, I haven't felt so at peace with myself in a long time.<br />
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And Recovery will continue, so that I can come back smarter and stronger as soon as my body and mind are ready.<br />
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<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-87485317778319292432012-11-27T11:53:00.003-08:002012-11-27T11:53:30.722-08:00Stone Mill 50 MilerAs time moved forward I became confident that 50 miles, although always an insanely long way to run, was now a doable task. Having finished my first 100 miler after so many months of racing and training and then even at my lowest low throughout the month of October, I was still moving- injury-free in fact. So I had no doubt that Stone Mill may not be the "best" idea for my recovery process- that's still occurring, but I would without question make it to the finish line. With the accompanying humor of how much I struggled or should I say, forcefully recovered through the month of October I was fairly certain that running 50 miles would knock be back into complete burn out... but as most runners tend to do... I had already made up mind to run. But I would be smart, I would throttle back and move cautiously, being aware of my pains and fatigue level and rest when I needed to.<br />
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Race day arrived, 3:15am wake-up call. Leaving the house with enough time to make it the starting line for 5am to check-in and giving me an hour to fuss about in the "much warmer than outside air" car with my clothing, shoes, compression, electrolyte tablets and the blanket I was so closely attached to that cold morning. It was roughly 28 degrees outside... perhaps, I honestly didn't look, but it felt like 28degrees as the gathering runners in the area creating puffs of oral percipitation as they walked/ talked/ moved about....all staying warm in their own fashion.<br />
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5:55am, standing about 30ft up the hill from the starting line with my support crew... huddling close to keep my heat (steal some of his) for as long as I could... and then it was Go time. With the words, "Don't Race" newly imprinted on my mind by the voice of my crew I headed off and quickly lost body heat. As we wrapped around the school (the first 1/2 mi or so of the race) I felt my temperature plummet, so naturally my pace increased... Come on Body Heat!!<br />
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Headed out in the wooded trail, headlamps bouncing I was struggling in the cold, my toes didn't even exist any longer... in no time I tripped not once but two spills in the first 3 miles. I felt like an idiot... I knew I was running too fast for the conditions on the ground, in the dark, with my numbed feet and cold joints, but I was already convincing myself that this was a comfortable pace. Finally the sun broke and headlamps were dropped off before heading down the road and jumping back onto the trail.<br />
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The sun didn't make much heat yet, but I had high hopes as continued along at my truly stupid 7:40 pace. I attempted to slow up and I think that I did, enough, but I was running with a couple of guys from NJ who made it quite clear I was on pace for 7hr 30min finish....at the Slowest... I laughed, I knew I couldn't hold this pace, there was truly no way that I intended to hurt as much as running at this pace would feel come mile 30+.<br />
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I was fairly exhausted by 16miles or something like that. I didn't know where I was much at all, I never asked the milage and I just zoomed through each aid station, with mind set on getting to Mile 25, the AS where Q.H. would be. I was looking forward to seeing a friendly face, and checking off half the run. As it was I had the pleasure of seeing G.T. and B.S. out cheering on the course and that also brightened the run significantly.<br />
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The temperature was climbing, although my legs were still cold enough that my joints were aching, my feet were comfortable, and my upper body, now overheating. I felt the fatigue hit my legs and I dosed with Endurolytes and in no time was back on track. I wondered, as this started to occurr before the 20mile mark, how long this pattern would last. The fact that fatigue was setting in that soon, that I was utilizing my electrolytes that quickly, I was worried. This was in fact going to hurt as much as I feared it would.....<br />
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After passing mile 25 the course takes you on part of the C&O canal, which was gorgeous, absolutely breathtaking, and I kept making myself look around and notice the colors and the smell of the leaves because the recorded message at this time between the "stop" and the "go" parts oof my mind was "Walk, this hurts! No, this is flat, DON'T do it, just keep moving, just jog, one step at a time"... after a mile of fighting my own mind I was annoyed, my concentration on the pain was growing stronger than my ability to observe, but soon enough the course took us back in the hills and trails. Anything was better than monotonous pouding.<br />
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Somewhere around here, I was very aware of the fact that I was undereating, my stomach had actually hurt quite badly when I awoke that morning and so I was fairly cautious, but I just honestly wasnt getting hungry. I did use a "GU" at some point, which I despise, and just top it off an old filling had just been repaired the day prior and the sugary goo just stung as it glued itself between my molars. The icey air as I inhaled caused that sensitive tooth sting with every breath. "Oh great" I thought, "Maybe this will distract me from the other pains." It didn't really help, but at least I was being somewhat positive. Anyway the caffeine boost and the glucose helped and again I was rolling along.<br />
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As I approached mile 35 I was well aware that this is usually about the point in the race where I collapse- mentally. My legs keep going, but everything in my head shuts down. So I spent the entirety of the morning preparing myself for this section. Luckily I took off from the mile 35 AS with a couple other runners, after eating grilled cheese for the first time during a run (liekly the last time too...just not for me). The two guys I was with were one of NJ guys who had gotten lost, and another VA runner I've seen at a couple races- this was his first 50 mile run (and he killed it by the way!)... and he just hung with me. I could tell he had so much more in his legs, but when I asked if he wanted to go with NJ he said "No, I dont have anything left, just going to hang on for the next 15 miles." <br />
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Trotting along together, I was doing well, the company helped significantly, I managed to fall twice more, as I almost always seem to when there's anyone around. Not one fall for 30 miles while I ran alone.... but oh well. He took a fall too, we laughed it off and kept going. Soon enough though I was dragging. As I went through the causes, I realized I needed more salt... and oh yea... not racing... so maybe I want a nice little walk break and moment to collect myself. So I let VA go and I stood there getting my endurolytes out and walked as I hydrated. I was so uncomfortably warm. I debated going through the struggle of getting my bottom layer off and wrapping that around my waste and leaving the jacket on, but it all seemed like a waste of effort and time. If I wasn't running, I wasn't warm enough.... if I was running, I was too warm. So I kept my outfit the same, as I prefer to be overly warm than cold, but this meant I would need to drink more and work harder to keep my heart rate and fatigue under control to conserve energy. <br />
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By 42miles I didn't care, I wanted that jacket OFF... I struggled from there to mile 48, going through phases of walking and recovering and jogging- barely keeping 10min pace or so... I was doing pretty terribly for me... but I also was fully aware of my ability level at the moment and was thrilled that the pain was still comprehensible and although literally tired, like sleepy and hot as heck, I was Almost done. So walking into mile 48 AS I tore that damn jacket off and grabbed more liquid and a boiled potato with salt and took off. <br />
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About 300yrs down the trail I realized I hadn't even thanked my support/ crew who was volunteering at the mile 48AS for the support and taking my sweaty stinky jacket, apparently I was more tired and more focused on being done than I thought, nonetheless the lack of gratitude bothered me and I planned to remedy that in about two miles. And Then Opps... one more fall... a good one too. I was experiencing "finish-line stress" <= I just made that up... but its that internal anxiety and anger that builds when you no longer want to go on, simply because you're so close to the end that you know you HAVE to (and no one likes to do anything they HAVE to do....I can't really explain it better, but I think that makes sense, somewhat. Anyway I just wanted to stop moving, without my jacket I was already getting cold, which added to the frustration, but overall my attitude was good. I was doing much better than I'd predicted. <br />
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And then there it was the hill to the finish line, a steep 100meter climb... in front of 30+ spectators....How humiliating... and to make it worse the announcer cheering for "Meghan".... which I would NEVER write on a race entry, specifically so that would never happen. But it did, and I had to suck up the fact that I was being cheered for with my full legal name as I almost literally crawled up this hill to the finish line. It wasn't So bad. <br />
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As I crossed the line 8hr 16min later I was done, and happy about it. However, my timing chip was gone, apparently it fell off during that last fall. Opps again! (someone later found it :) ).<br />
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Considering the past months this was a glorious finish, even if it wasn't my best run by far, it was a decent time and another 1st place female finish, and probably the best attitude I've had throughout a 50 miler yet... So naturally I was thrilled.<br />
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Post-race, I removed my shoe to find some awful sharp pain in my foot... My first injury... Xray showed no break, so intution says Im good to run. The pain is still present 6 miles into my runs (10days later), but its slowly improving and my mileage is climbing. <br />
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The plan for now is to maintain 50-60 mile weeks with biking, yoga, and swimming to supplement my recovery. The running miles will have to include some speed work to push my legs back into motion. But my hopes are that come February 2nd, when I land myself at Rocky Raccoon 100 miler I feel strong enough to run greater than 75% of the race... which would be a HUGE improvement from BEAR and a very different level of struggle. But my success now will only be possible if I properly train, and care for my body and my mind. Last year was intense and this year will be intense as well, I wouldnt have it any other way, but my hope is that the knowledge and experience from last year will help me to slow down more, enjoy the runs and just let my ultra-running develop on its own, I want many more years of this <3<br />
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Much Thanks and Congratulations to the other runners and to the RD for a great event! Thank you to all volunteers, especially my support! As usual, I couldn't have done with without you all. <br />
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Next race... kinda unstructured pending not feeling like crud most days running, lol.....but I'll be around ;).mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-3666094708659807102012-11-06T15:22:00.000-08:002012-11-06T15:22:29.695-08:00TransitionsSo since The Bear it would seem I have disappeared off the map. I wish I could tell you I was recovering justifiably from my mountainous struggle out in Utah, but instead, the story is much more long winded and much more confusing. I haven't written as much as I should because I wonder where to start, but its now or never.<br />
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So, the story really begins when I moved to Baltimore and slowly regained my ability run, and my teaching certification for yoga, a new apartment, a new car, a new job and I think the point is, I basically got a fresh start here in Bmore! So then I taught some yoga, I started the job, and I never stopped running- clearly. <br />
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Running and Yoga are my equal passions, they balance out the give and take in my life on so many levels. One cannot exist without the other. This point is essential in this story because as time went on and my running mileage rose, my yoga efforts declined. It was experimental in part and my hypothesis was painfully correct. For me, not nescessarily for everyone, but for me, the two exist in my world symbiotically and one cannot survive without the other. Without yoga my running is obsessive and addictive and my joints and muscles ache continuously; Without running, well... I don't actually know, I just LOVE to run because I do.<br />
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The thing that began to create a problem, was my job. I am unhappy at my job, despite the wonderful hours, benefits and vacations I am sorely unsatisfied on a personal level. I always desire growth, efficiency and utilization of my skills. I want to expand my knowledge and use it toward good things. Vague, I know, but thats as far as I've gotten in the lucid "what I Want in my life" department.<br />
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So here we are months later, a year and half since my move, one year into my career. And in the last 12 months:<br />
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-I have run 7 marathons; 3 x 50Ks; 1x100K; 1 x 12hr; 1 x 100mi races and set 2 Female course records, with a few fantastic finishes;<br />
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-I have taught yoga classes and quit teaching yoga classes; <br />
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-I have worked side by side with some of the most outstanding people I've ever met with The 6th Branch, Come Home Baltimore, Veteran Artist Project, countless other groups that have extended my knowledge in many areas and given me countless friends and contacts and last, but my no means least, running with McVet Back On My Feet team regularly;<br />
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-I got back into swimming, bought a bicycle and did one 30mile ride outside thus far...<br />
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So, what have I done for career development? That I dont know, I actually took a break from writing this entry to review for ACLS/ BLS and it was painful to see how much I've truly forgotten and also intriguing to see the weird things impinged in my memory.<br />
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Well, from here, I feel I should truly begin a book. From here.... sigh, the words don't come naturally. I want to leave this job and never ever return, that's ideal. I want to walk away from my safe career and expand in the areas of running, biomechanics, running effeciency and nutrition. I want to coach runners and volunteer more. I want to get back to teaching yoga.<br />
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All these WANTS... how could I be so greedy, was the basic emotional drama I continue to sell myself on for monthes. But its become more than clear to me, that I don't need to feel badly about anything. I'm not giving anything up, I'm just taking the time to gain more.<br />
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Anyways, you can imagine, the girl you freaks out before each race... freaking out about potentially Giving up, with my own free will, a medical career in our current economy. I was certain I was crazy, and so I made myself so. I began having regular panic attacks, scared those I loved, worried my friends and selfishly wasted endless amounts of time doing literally nothing but worrying myself sick.<br />
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Meanwhile as this progressed I ran The Bear... two weeks later I ran Baltimore MArathon and earned myself a new PR @ 3:17 and then only two more weeks later I shuffled through the finish line in support of Semper Fidelis Health and Wellness in a painful 3:39.... and decided i really needed to chill out. I ran that race on almost no sleep after having a "freak out" the night before over nothing at all to be honest, but it didn't seem to matter, I just kept digging into those Ol' Grooves of addiction and self deprivation as I cut myself down and tried to push the weight I was forcing on myself onto anyone who cared to try and help.<br />
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Anyway, I wasn't much for writing and even this is a severly shorten summation of crazy tough few months for me. <br />
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But I'm back in control, and living my life as I feel is ethically and morally proper for Just me, by no one elses rules and regulations (I mean I guess besides the legal stuff... I wouldn't mind driving faster and not stopping so much, and definetly would love to disregard all parking signs and park where there is space- just saying.....). <br />
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Anyway, chin is up, sneakers are on, yoga mat is rolled out and I am ready... or willing enough to see what happens from trial and error.<br />
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Up Next: Stone Mill 50 mile run Nov. 17th!... Goal is to finish with a good attitude (smiling) and injury free....mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-83823686455461877842012-10-02T14:15:00.001-07:002012-10-02T14:15:33.662-07:00Bear 100The time wouldn't pass any faster, 3:37am and my alarm was set for 4:30am. I wanted to get up but I knew I would be up for much longer than usual so I maintained that I should continue to lie still for as long as possible. Finally rising, I packed up my tent and what-nots that I'd brought out with me to "camp" and headed back to the car to eat my banana and peanut butter. I got myself as prepared as I could, made my last minute phone calls and then in no time at all was at the start line for my first 100 miler. I didn't even hear a "GO" but everyone started running, it was 6:00AM in Logan , Utah. The sky was still black, the temperature was around 40 and dry. The first mile was on pavement and slowly entered the first ascent, which would bring us from Gibbons Park (the Start) to mile 10.52 at Logan Peak, the first Aid Station, just nearing the peak of our first full climb at 8800' a 4000' climb from the start. The climb did seem quite endless as the miles were surely passing the steady jog turned to a steady hike, but in the darkness prior to dawn the time was of no concern to anyone. As the sun rose and the headlamps turned off we began the decline to AS #2 at 19.66 miles, Leatham Hollow. The descent was beautiful with scenery I've only found in National Geographic prior to this trip. Sadly, by now I was well aware that mentally I wasn't in this run at all. I tried my best to drown out my thoughts with the surrounding beauty but the invasive patterns of "this was a BAD idea" continued to feed into my psyche. <br />
<br />
As I passed through the second AS meeting Collin and stuffing my pockets with caloric nourishment. I had my water bottle filled and I just wanted to keep moving, I was afraid of quitting on myself if I spent too much time in one place. Importantly, I arrived here at about 3hr 45min into the race, much too quickly! A short climb to AS#3 Richards Hollow, where I disposed of the wrappers from my last couple snacks and again replenished my pockets with goodies from my drop bag. And then climbing once again heading for Cowley Canyon at 29.98 miles. This section was the beginning of an ugly 40miles for me.<br />
<br />
It had been mentioned that it would be hot, so even though I felt tcomfortable I was now concerned that I was wrong about myself and I would in fact dehydrate or overheat, my muscles felt fine, but suddenly there was growing twinge in my hip that seemed to stab me with pain on each downhill step. So now I was walking the uphills and limping the downhills, I didn't feel effecient and to add to the taxing thoughts about 8 runners plodded past me in this section as I realized that barely past 1/4 of the way I was already falling apart. I was losing my drive to continue. I'd decided I would just quit, I didn't want to be there, I wanted to go home, back to Baltimore, back to being a normal runner, maybe a marathon once in a while but otherwise just not chose to do such "stupid" things as fly to somewhere I know absolutely no one and attempt to cover 100 miles in the Rocy Mountains. Yes, there was something wrong with me... I was sure everyone was right. <br />
<br />
Around this time I arrived to AS#4, where my crew was suppose to be, I needed mental support, they were nowhere. I fell into routine and drank water as the AS volunteers re-filled my bottle. I was scavenging for food at the table since I had no drop- bag here as I expected my crew. I was livid, and then to make matters worse a voice telling me I needed to more water, more water, that "Collin said you've never run this far before, what you do now will matter at mile 80" In my pleasant mood I scoffed at the helpfullness and nearly laughed, I honestly believed I wouldn't see mile 80, so what difference would it make. I procalimed out loud how mentally out of it was, and took some tylenol, the helpful man just suggested I kept running, and so I did.<br />
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The run to AS#5 Right-hand fork mile 36.92 was a stretch of the race that fed into my weaknesses. I was now getting warm, maybe everyone was right, I would overheat, I would fail. This section was nearly all downhill and my hip was now nearing immobile, or so it felt. A good number of runners ran past me at 3 times my pace. I was ready to give it all up by the time arrived to see Collin and Matt. I was annoyed, they weren't suppose to be there, I had my drop bag, they were an AS behind and I felt totally off track. Then Collin proclaimed he was running with me because I wasn't carrying enough water. The last thing I wanted was a pacer, but even worse, a mule, I wouldn't use his water, and I didn't. I knew having someone with me would only give me someone to complain too, but Collin wouldn't listen to me and insisted. I ate more than I could and drank another liter of water before leaving the AS. From AS #5 to AS #6 Temple Fork 45.15 I was livid. I hated having someone uninvited taking part in my run. I knew what I was doing, and I was busy trying to convince myself to quit, I didn't need someone telling me how I needed to be positive. To me, that was like saying, all you have to do is walk a tight rope across the Grand Canyon balancing a ball on your nose- Yea.... ridiculous. I had no intention of being positive, especially not with someone univitedly breathing down my back, even if the intent was out of caring and helpfullness, I was SO not myself. So, needless to say, I was a whiny, bitchy mess almost the whole way to Temple Fork. Where I gladly left Collin and took on the next section to mile 51.84 Tony Grove AS#7. <br />
<br />
Well, prior to leaving Temple Fork, I tried to get some salt and was given Endurolytes which contain electrolytes, other than a large portion of salt which depending on depletion... anyway I need more salt than most people as I run Low to start with. So It wasn't the best way to start off, but in my mind, I was already going to fail, so what did it really matter. <br />
<br />
I had a good stretch as this section was mostly an uphill climb, my hip intact enough and talked with a few other runners which boosted my mood.<br />
<br />
By the time I reached Tony Grove my muscles felt awful, I was tired. But now I had decided I need to make atleast 100K (62miles) to make the trip worth my time. Collin and Matt were here too, which was also unplanned, they said they wouldn't be there and I had already planned my stop, but that was thrown to the wind. Instead I was force fed and gratefully accepted a long sleeve shirt. The following section was the most intense of the entire race from me, 9.6 miles of easily runnable beautiful single track trail running over hills and following the river. <br />
<br />
I tried to raise my spirits, my hip was getting less intense, but now my stomach was aching, I was bloated, over-full and starting to have some mild kidney pain. I started to really break down, wimpering with frustration. Again many runners began to pass me. I was slowed to a walk. I was still moving but I felt defeated. Even if I would make it to mile 61.48 AS#8, there was no way I had 39 more miles left in me, not like this. I was running out of hope, the very last thing that was keeping me moving. The runners passing me tried to give me support. A pacer actually came back and told me they'd have a pacer for me at Franklin Basin 61.48, I was so elated I tried even harder to run... and then other runners from earlier passed me and I tried to go with them, but I just fell back and finally just let myself walk. My stomach started to return to normal, my kidneys were functioning again. The moon was now bright and the sun was sinking. I didn't want to turn my headlamp until I truly had too, I waited until I could no longer see the ground clearly. Just about the time the sun had sunken below the horizon and I suddenly felt the drive to move faster. I broke into a jog and found myself trotting along quite well. My stomach was cooperating and I was doing alright. And then it was Night.<br />
<br />
Upon arrival to the AS#8, I announced that someone had a pacer for me, and within a minute thats when I met Rachel, who may very well have been my gaurdian angel. I grabbed whatever else I needed and Rachel and I headed off to take on the next two segments, 14.9 miles, together. Trodding along, I apologized for my pace unnecessarily and mentioned my goal of 4mph, so Rachel helped keep me on track. We talked about running, about my life, surprisingly to her, but even to me, I was hiking up these mountains and maintaining conversation (in hindsight these climbs were at less altitude than the earlier climb that certainly took my breath away and threw off mmy electrolytic balance.) Anyways, I was moving well, even running the last 2 miles into AS#9 Logan River 69.54. Rachel had never really paced before and accepted my guidance on what I needed. She had the tylenol and the tums, the salty chips all set and my drop bag. And again we continued onward to AS#10 Beaver Lodge. <br />
<br />
Upon arrival to AS#10 75.82 miles, I was refreshed. the miles with Rachel had made this seem do-able. I was now confident in my pace and in my own intuitive senses about my body in terms of food, electrolytes, water, and core temperature. I was ready to continue on. I ate and changed into a warmer jacket and then stood in the doorway of the lodge waiting for Collin to finish tying his shoes so we can head out. Within 30 seconds we were out the door, and within another 60 min we were wandering aimlessly looking for the next marker. Once we found it, my pacer took off. I found myself chasing him for miles and miles on end. I wasn't setting this pace, which felt wrong, and felt like I was pushing too hard, especially since this next climb took me to 8500' which was enough to make me breathe heavy and lose the ability to eat. I was growing more and more frustrated but was determined to keep pace, I was now marching through my last marathon of the day I had no intention of whining or stopping. <br />
<br />
Making it to mile 81.12 AS#11, I hardly recall, I know I had some chicken noodle soup and some more tums as my stomach was starting to feel a bit raw from the lactic acid and the decreased consumption as my hunger continued to wane. Luckily for me Collin had stopped trying to force feed me and everything had settled to rather pleasant section. After a quick battery change in my headlamp we took off to a rather chilly, but beautiful and runnable section of the course. A walk/ run was maintained but the cold and the pain made it hard for me to push for longer than a minute or so at a time, but I kept my pace and felt strong. And then climbed a short steep climb and steep descent to AS#12 mile 85.25. Matt was waiting for us there.<br />
<br />
Again I had some soup and some egg noodles. I remember looking at all the sweets they had and wishing I craved them even a little. I dont remember much else at this AS, so I guess we moved on pretty quickly. I know I desperately wanted to get the final long climb out of the way as it would peak higher than 8800' and I knew between the fact that it was the middle of the night, I wasn't eating quite enough, and I had alread run 85 miles, this climb was going to be hard on me. But we climbed and climbed, somewhere arounf 8300' I began to feel my chest tighening, my heart ached once in a while, my throat was sore and I was now having small coughing fits. I was certainly not acclimating within the time period of this run, not that I expected to, but it would have been nice, right? Anyway despite my growing amounts of whining I kept moving. Around mile 90 I hit a break point. Around this time as well Collin alerted me to the fact that he had decided to bail on the last section of the race. I would be without a pacer for the final 7+ miles. I was again personally annoyed, but also understanding of his injury, although I couldnt see how all the running we werent doing could have hurt him, we literally ran 1-2 miles of the last 15 miles, but an injury is an injury and it was my race... pacer or not, of course now, I would finish. <br />
<br />
A staggering step brought me down and I decided to let it take me all the way down, I sat down, Collin turned around and said, "Come on, you've got this" and instead of accepting it as support, it was the final straw in that moment, I needed a moment, back to MY race... and so I responded with some rather unkind words that expressed my need to quit for minute and take in some calories... so I did that. And then I got back up and kept going.<br />
<br />
Upon arriving at AS#13 mile 92.2 Ranger Dip, I was frozen, and anxious to head off for the final stretch. Taking in a little more broth I grabbed some Hot Hands which Matt helped me get open. And I was off. I hadnt really realized I had one more climb, but I did, less than a mile, very steep to the peak of the race 9040'. And this hill was like a line of walls with plateaus between them. Staggering 40 ft to the top and then walking a few steps, and doing it again, losing moments upon moments for 10 seond breaks just to let your heart keep up. And then finally it was over... almost completely all downhill from here. <br />
<br />
And down it went. I ran a lot, but found my footing wasn't great and backed down to a strong controlled power walk. Despite my efforts to keep control, gravity often brought me back into a run. I fell once, then twice, then a third time in the same 2 miles of dusty gravel. Nothing to speak of, just clouds of dust. And down and down and down, it seemed it would never end, and just when you thought it might one last small uphill, which was sort of a relief... and then down some more and then around and this long dirt road that seemed utterly endless. Finally, though the dirt ended and the pavement led you to the last and final left hand turn before crossing the street and finishing at Bear Lake.<br />
<br />
Crossing the finish line I was slightly dilirious. I was a bit confused that so many people were around and then I remember this was not just a small fat ass race, but Bear 100, a well known, well attended ONE HUNDRED mile race... in UTAH no less.... A felt accomplished, for the first time in my running career or any of my hobbies or careers. With a time of 25:06:30, placing me 5th Female and 23rd overall, I was totally satisfied. So my attitude wasnt great, and I walked a lot of runnable ground; I learned a lot about trusting myself and about who I trust myself with. I am very lucky and very very grateful to those who made this race what it was, from the RD, the AS volunteers, Sada, Rachel, Sara (6th female who's pacers saved my race), Mike and Susan, Mark and of course my crew Matt and Collin; And a WHOLE bunch of other runners out there who were an on-going inspiration to me; And many other behind the scenes people who I wouldn't now where to begin....<br />
<br />
So despite one hell of a struggle I fininshed this race feeling stronger than ever, and although it does seem a little off, even to me, I am already excited to begin my preparations for my next 100 mile run... but for now I am taking a rest from running .... at least until Baltimore Running Festival!!<br />
<br />
<br />
mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-2435446276013966252012-10-02T10:17:00.000-07:002012-10-02T10:17:06.791-07:00In the Mean time; Pre: 100milesBetween CMMM and Bear 100 a lot happened, even thought maybe not too much running....<br />
<br />
My first 100 miler, the culminating endpoint to my First Ultra-marathoning season. Every run, every post, every thing I've given of myself for athletic purpose was spent with the intention of successfully completing my first 100 mile run within the year. And now I have.<br />
<br />
As many of you know, I race a lot, more than most runners or ultra-runners, though I rarely "race" at maximal effort, utilizing these races as training runs. Nonetheless there are limits, temporarily of course. Limits can be met and pushed but with very little doubt in my mind I was overtrained for the last 2 to 3 months pre: Bear 100, give or take as my training varied from rest to training to race to rest and so on. But by the beginning of September, my drive to run, to train had begun to decrease, conveniently I was also beginning my taper so I hoped it would balance out.<br />
<br />
The first week of September I was prepped for my first triathalon in D.C, Nations TRI.... needless to say, as there was no posting about this accomplishment, it failed, or rather it never even began. Too much stress involved in a sport that I lack so much information and skill. And as it turned out I was left to figure it out alone. The frustration and the flat tire culminated in my having a very pleasant panic attack and crying to friends on the phone as drove home from the check-in to the race feeling very defeated. I'd never failed to do well, but this was even worse, I failed to even begin. And the worst part of it all, I was more upset that I wasn't upset. <br />
<br />
So I got past this little bump in the road but continued for whatever reason to experience a great deal of stress. Being 25 and confused about your life, your career and your entire "self" is Not so profound, Im sure nearly everyone can relate, nonetheless at given moments here and there it can seem like a massive problem. And so, I took on the beginnings of re-designing my future. Many discussions, ideas, emails all flying about my little universe. So I wasn't coping with everything as well I'd like to.<br />
<br />
Then it was Off to Ohio for The Air Force marathon with Frank. The trip was short and pleasant. Getting my friend to his first 4hr marathon goal was wonderful, except I honestly spent a riduculous portion of the 26.2 miles in my head thinking "oh no, my feet hurt, my knees ache, I can't possibly run 100 miles" and "Wow, this course is not that exciting to me, and I really wouldnt mind if I wasn't running right now." Perhaps needless to say, this is not my normal attitude Re: running any distance. <br />
<br />
Now I was beginnining to freak out with only 2 weeks to go I had no more time contemplate my training. It was done, it was time to really taper, cut milage and try to relax and mentally prepare. <br />
<br />
I celebrated my 26th birthday @ work by getting my required flu shot the day prior and after work during a very delicious dinner with friends I suddenly felt quite sick, viral... a slight fever, burning eyes, heavy fatigue, headache, slight nausea and sore throat. I thought it would pass over night like most of my "colds" do but instead the migraine-like symptoms continued for the following 5 days. Between the race nearing and feeling awful I wasn't myself and feared everyone could tell.<br />
<br />
Everyone I spoke to, said it was alright and to be expected before a race such as Bear 100, but my inability to cope with my anxiety was an embarrassment to me which of course only created more anxiety... Yes, I have a few things to work on. Anyway I think I worried a few people, drove a couple nuts, but for the most part I was comoforted by a great deal of love and support that I only hope I can return. <br />
<br />
So I was clamer, I knew what, when and where I was going, just not HOW to run 100 miles, but that was TBD. So after a nice run with Back on my Feet and gift of some amazing muffins I was on my way to Salt Lake City Utah where I would meet Collin and finish my preparation for Bear 100.<br />
<br />
Upon arrival to SLC, after some time @ the University of Utah where Collin had a class he needed to attend, we drove up to Brighton Ski area and went for short 4-5mi jog/ hike to let me see how 10,000' felt. And it felt like death. My lungs burning, my heart throbbing, my throat sore from sucking wind , but my legs still moving steadily @ just about 4mph. It was do-able... and my race only peaked at 9, 040' so nothing to worry about right? Except maybe that I could notice the struggling effort begin somewhere around 8,200'. Well, I could only do my best, and the only goal was to finish.<br />
<br />
Thursday before the race, we attended the race meeting, check-in and I ate a bagel with peanut butter and an apple for dinner ( A LOT of peanut butter ;) ). And then we proceeded to set up camp and after final preparations for myself, and my crew, I was in bed by 8pm.mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-15513463759927525322012-08-27T16:15:00.001-07:002012-08-27T16:15:28.467-07:00Cheat Mountain Moonlight Madness 8/24/12 You might think that after the race the start point would be more clear, however starting a race at 9pm changes everything. I did not simply wake up race day or travel the day prior and run a normal race. Every aspect of this run was different. <br />
<br />
CMMM was my 2nd official 50mile race, although I had completeed my first 100K and first 12Hr run in between, the strategy for this run was different. The course was a long steady climb from roughly 2miles in through 16miles in and then some single track trail segments that had a couple of nasty climbs but nothing killer and then looping around the mountain and heading back down the mountain with significant net loss for 16 miles on gravel road. I had actually researched the course. This is something I rarely do, I mean often skim it, I do take a peek at the elevation map, just to get a rough idea, but this time was different. Dave decided he was going to come "crew" me. I was surprised and ecstatic, not too many people would be up for supporting a crazy person on a 50 mile run through the night in the middle of west VA about 4.5 hrs from home. So needless to say, perhaps, I had to study the course to figure out where my "crew" could be. There were only 2 aid stations accesible to crew 4/6 (you go through the Aid Station twice) or 5. Your drop bag would also be allowed only at 4/6.<br />
<br />
I was delighted to have company on the trip to the race, it relieved a great deal of the stress, I'd never been so aware of the inner discomfort as usually there is isn't so much time between waking up and running. But on this particular day I woke up at my usual 4:45ish and headed to Back on My Feet to walk 2 miles. I had a wonderful walk with awesome company. From there I headed to the grocery store for some travel and caffeine supplies... I knew quite well how much caffeine I used to use to pull all- nighters but I had certainly never attempted to run through an all-nighter. So I went overboard, which in the end was perfect. Following this errand I met Elizabeth for coffee and we both chatted about ....everything, until we both had to go. I actually had nothing to do, except freak out about my upcoming race, but you'd be surprised how much time and effort that can take. So I drove up to Timonium and walked around some stores before really taking notice of the nervous energy. I got back to my apartment and got a few last minute things done.<br />
<br />
Before I had any more of chance to get worked up or overly excited I was surprised with a gift. The context is irrelevant to the story but it certainly took the edge off the race. I got my last few pieces together and we were on the road. I let Dave drive the last 100miles so I could have my chance to be anxious and think. It seemed like I might get cold through the night, I didn't know how my feet would hold up, I had no idea if nutritionally I was balanced...( I'd never eaten all day before a run, I mean at least not a run longer than 25 miles.) But here goes...<br />
<br />
I did my race prep, with company, which was amusing, only a small colleciton of ppl have seen my race prep which is the same for any race 1500m- 100K... its all mental and doesnt help my running in the least, but it makes me effectively waste the last 30 min prior to race time feeling focused and alert.<br />
<br />
Upon 4 minutes to start time the RD ran out of announcements, he became aware of an American flag and suggested the singing the of the national anthem. A confused chatter broke into song with in the minute and a group of about 90 runners and some spectators broke into song. It was the most touching start to race I've experienced. As it is with ultras and most endurance athletic events you share something with everyone else out on the course, aid station volunteers, families and runners that can't be found else where. Singing together in the dark below the Start Line was a cohesive symbol that would remain in my heart and mind. And then we were off.... and OH man... we were OFF.... like 7 min pace flying down the paved road, looking to hold onto who I could at my pace so I'd have company for this very long night ahead.<br />
<br />
The climb begins and I catch up with a runner, Trevor, this was his first 50miler. He hadn't studied the course was not aware of the climb ahead. We chatted for a few before I fell back to my personal steady uphill pace. At first I was worried it was much too slow, but behind me I watched another runner slow to a hike and although my pace was slow, it felt effortless. 5ish miles into the course the first 6 of us pass by AS 1 thanking the volunteers but continuing without even slowing a step. From this AS onward would be a long steady climb and so we climbed. Continuing at my pace I caught up to Trevor, he aknowledged my earlier warning about the hill, we chatted a minute or two and he fell back. I continued on at my pace hoping the best for his first 50miler, that he'd make it, and have fun... at least enough fun to do another one ;). The climb seemed somewhat endless but I knew the next aid station was at mile 12.9 roughly a quarter of the way through the run, so I was looking forward to getting there. The ascent continued. I caught up to the next runner in front of me and we talked for quite a while before he admittedly wasn't feeling to well and fell back a little.<br />
<br />
At AS2 it seemed as though they were unprepared for runners. But I didn't really mind, it was just nice to have people out on the course and willing to assist us. I had 3 fig newtons, a common race food I'd never used before, but after the climb we'd done, I thought it'd be a good idea to take in a little something. A volunteer assisted me in changing the batteries on my headlamp, which was nearly dead- something I had planned for, but didn't expect to occurr so soon. But I was off and running within 3 minutes. The trail began.<br />
<br />
At first I found it entertaining to run the trail, I had to slow to a trot to watch my footing and path itself but I was moving nicely, and still quite effortlessly, I was happy. In no time at all I began to hit the patches of mud, sinking shoes. My sockless feet now feeling the wet grit every time I stepped and pressed into the ground. I wondered how many miles I had until blisters began to form. Then though, there were numerous stream crossings where the mud was shifted if not washed away and the grittiness was lessened until the next mud pit. I was enjoying myself. I took one hard fall, realizing as I got up the difference in my perspective in the dark. Almost everytime I trip in daylight I see and process my surroundings fast enough to respond appropriately, but in the dark..... what surroundings? My brain went from running to falling and all the time between the standing and the ground the mind is "lost." But as usual I just got back up and kept going. I was tripping a lot but I was still moving steadily, thoroughly impressed by the surroundings and mentally taking note that I should come back and run these trails in daylight.<br />
<br />
Anyways, trotting along, falling a couple more times and then I was back on the road headed into AS3 which was lit with glowing latterns for 1/2mi leading up and upon arrival they had a wonderful selection of treats, of which I only had boiled potatos rolled around in salt, but I was grateful and made sure they knew it. Again I was in and out without much struggle. The second patch in the woods was nice, the path was great, I was still tripping but feeling strong. The mental reminder that I'd see Dave at AS4 was a constant motivator. So I rolled through, the miles starting to feel longer and longer. Somewhere in this section I heard the distinct "roar/ sound" (im not sure what the reference word is) of a mountain lion. Being practical, I was scared to death... so naturally I tried to convince myself I had heard someone's dogs.... that my mind was skewing it into something more. I knew it was getting very late but I told myself that maybe it was only 10ish and someone's dogs were still out. I also came to terms with the very real fact that if a mountain lion for whatever reason decided I did make a nice 4th meal... it really didnt matter what I did. So I came back to my reality and just kept running, sincerely hoping that if he chose to attack any runner, that it wasn't me. Selfish and awful to admit perhaps... but I kinda like my life and I guess being human and all I'm bound to be a bit selfish from time to time.<br />
<br />
AS4, everything was a vivid blur, I need my food, and more caffeine. I didn't see Dave so I went for my drop bag, found what I needed, prepped my drink and I was off after one last glance around the fire. About 300yards up from the AS Dave was headed from my car to the fire, it was obvious to me, yet totally unconcerning that he'd had a struggle getting there. I honestly don't remember thinking much of anything, I was just thrilled to see him and told him I'd be back to AS6 (10miles later) in about 2 hours. And I was off again, 1 mile of road before headed back into the woods. This particular 4.4 mi stretch of the course seemed to eat away at me. The trail was suddenly turning into torture, my ankles ached, the arch of my right foot was spasming, the wet grit was simply annoying. By now I had tripped and taken 20 "almost falls" each of which caused a spasmodic reaction from head to toe; tearing at my right hamstring, the tendons around my knees and ankles, my core , my neck and my shoulder-which habitually I throw my right arm out for balance, mildly straining the muscles. So I went from joyful to, "ok, this is enough"... too bad it was the middle of a race ;)... AS5.<br />
<br />
I filled my water bottle and asked how much trail was left. I got an answer but actually struggled to listen, I had 1.4 miles on the road before re-entering the woods, presumably for 5 miles... I mentally tried to prepare as I held steady on the gentle uphill road passing under my feet. Upon entering the woods I had passed a runner, and then within 1/2 of a mile two runners went flying by, they were eventually #3 and #4. I was impressed, they'd come from nowhere and were bounding down the trail, and I was beginning to flail. I started to become angry with each trip as the pain would scale from 3 to 9 and slowly back down sending your whole body into the awareness that it's "messing up".... Directing my feet with mental effort and trying to keep my eyes focused I was beginning to feel like I was on some pretty great hallucinegenic drugs. I was amused and still pleased with my running, but I was ready to..... and there was the road- already??? I felt lost but the markers continued for nearly 2miles, once again uphill, leading me back to AS6 where Dave was waiting with everything I asked for. He helped me get my shoes off as the mud had made the laces difficult to undo, and because I knew there'd be mud I had them tied them tighter than usual so I couldn't push them off. I put on compression sleeves and dry socks and my Brooks Cascadia for a little extra cushion for the 16miles of road pounding. And a couple boiled potatos later I was off and determined. I was now focused on finishing as Soon as I could. I was mentally done. <br />
<br />
The Road went on and on, the unchanging surface and gradually increasing fatigue, boredom and pain were wearing me down. The sound track I had in my mind was now a jumble of words to different tunes that all sounded the same. I was sinking hard and fast and when I started to free fall, I saw AS7. Sooner than I'd expected, a wonderful surprise. It wasn't a cure-all. I didnt know what to eat, I wasn't hungry but there was now a 7.2 mile stretch to go to AS8, calories and lytes/ liquid were a necessity. So I restocked my fluids and had 2 fun size baby ruth bars and was back on the road... "after that 7.2 was over it was the home stretch" I kept telling myself, so I wasn't going to waste any more time.<br />
<br />
Again, the road went on and on. There was seemingly a LOT of uphill which meant that the first many miles of the race had actually had quite a few mini descents that were hardly noticed. My mind was slipping, I tried to track the distance I'd covered, tried to lie to myself, reason with my mind. I knew I was moving well and so I tried to encourage myself, as I was in fact very proud of my current pace, but I was losing the battle. In no time it seemed, my mind was spinning with lonliness, pain, utter misery. I could remember feeling like this before on a hot desert road in Nevada months ago... only there I was walking, this time I was runnning. I tried to pull myself out of the low, but I just kept sinking. Suddenly I not only wanted to stop, I wanted to quit running ultras... thiswas stupid? I hated being alone on this dark road for this lon....In this much pain? Who gives a hoot if I'm winning, or that Im in 5th place....this Sucks! and my mind kept going around and around.... however my legs kept running one step after another. I kept fighting, reiterating over and over positive quotes, reminders that of course I would DO it, because I was already Doing it. That I have dealt with much worse in my life and that I would certainly take this suffering over another day wrapped in the the hell that was my eating disordered life, that I was grateful for my abilities and my health, how blessed I am to have the friends everywhere and Dave here to support me on these crazy adventures. <br />
<br />
But still I became desperate, I let a loud cry which was then met with my own breath being cut short, I was all but bawling (still running)... I didn't care that I was building up lactic acid by not breathing properly, somehow letting the mental anguish be real made it something I could manage. I couldn't beat it so I just kept whining and wimpering, there wasnt anyone near me to hear... except for maybe a a few deer or a mountain lion laughing at how ridiculous I must have looked.<br />
<br />
When I finally did come to AS8 (a million and a half years later.... or so it seemed) in my mind I wanted to ask to them to hug me and tell me everything was going to be ok. When they asked how I was, the answer came out fluid and rational, "My body is ok, my mind is emotioanlly falling apart" there was no dramatic sympathy in their eyes... the kind that feeds the sadness, just simply the aknowledgement that I had 5.7 miles left to complete 50 miles of running and finish 5th place overall and 1st female. Upon hearing this, I had one blubbering choke and my eyes filled with tears as I realized how "off" my emotions were, "I should be happy, but 5.7 miles....???" I questioned the volunteers....and a tin of homemade cookies was in front of me. I orginally said no to the cookies, but they were offered with love and encouragment something I needed more than anything at the moment.... so I took one and without question I turned and started running again within 10 staggered steps. <br />
<br />
The final stretch: Well, there was no more wimpering, the cookie was awesome, I made it almost 3 miles of that 5.7 without finding desperation sinking in, and then I hit the pavement, I still had no idea where I was but I was getting close, I tried to run faster. Time went endlessly, running watchless in the night made it hard to determine anything, and soon worry of misdirection set in, but then there it was the "Finish" just across a large field. Someone had noticed I missed the final turn and shouted, no idea what they shouted, but since I had seen the flags- just not the turn, as soon as I heard them I quickly darted back to find the opening from road to field and headed to the finish. Where Adam, the RD met me and Congratulated me on my 1st place female finish and new course record, 8:16. I was pleased to say the least. <br />
<br />
At this point I looked around and Dave was no where to be seen, I didn't see my car either, so I was concerned, for him and for my car. After 20 minutes or so had passed, the RD and other volunteers and the previous finishers were becoming concerned too, I now had someone's sweatshirt and a big blanket wrapped around me. I decided to walk around a bit in the dark and upon circling around the trailer, there was my car with Dave sleeping inside. I was relieved and questioned whether or not to wake him up, since he had been up practically all night running around on my behalf, but I really wanted dry clothes and a hot shower, so I knocked. The following moments were rather amusing, to say the least .... but in the end I got my hot shower, a foot and calf massage, a 45min nap, a hot coffee and a hot meal surrounded my by lots of amazing people. <br />
<br />
This was a very well put on event. The course was well marked, 100% runnable (though I did hike up two hills in the forest), well maintained trail and great Aid Station volunteers. I am so thankful for every person who sacrificed their sleep, for those of who ran and completed the 50 miles of running and for those who dealt with the just stress over someone else running 50 miles. All are extraordinary and make the experience as special as it is. I am now 5 weeks out from first 100 miler in Utah, The Bear, and I am scared beyond belief ;). But everyone who knows me and has seen me run seems pretty confident so, I'll do my best to taper well and prep mentally and .... I guess we'll see how it goes.<br />
<br />
A few Other events to occurr between now and then if all goes smoothly <3.<br />
<br />
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<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-449248807237053332012-08-13T15:25:00.001-07:002012-08-13T15:30:28.816-07:00Half-Wit Half 8/12/12Now to do something stupid once.... we all do that right?... but to do it again....takes a special kind of idiot, a half-wit perhaps. ;)<br />
<br />
And so the decision was set. After my experience in 2011 - my first trail half marathon ever; I was destroyed by the difficulty, spending the evening following the race in mild lactic acidosis and even though I placed second female was totally spent fininishing in 1:59:some secs. And yet I knew I'd be back.<br />
<br />
One year later, coming from 13.1- a seemly a very long distance to suddently a normal daily run and actually qualifying the race mentally as a race of speed as opposed to endurance.... well a LOT has changed as anyone who has been reading is well aware. I debated even doing this race as the travel to and fro are more than the time spent running which under normal circumstances disqualifies the race from my calendar for financial purposes as well as just a way for me to weed through my "I wanna do that ONE"'s. Anyway I got someone to agree to come and so I signed up. Skipping ahead... I've a had a few rough weeks, edging near 6weeks I'd say of some terrible leg turnover and burn out (to be expected with my race schedule and build up in the past 8 months) But very few (except those close enough to listen to my unceasing whining) would know it. I've pushed through and foward. Leading up to this weekend I would have run my very first 80 mile training week and this race would push me (after a cool down jog) to two weeks consecutively topping off at 83miles. <br />
<br />
So to get through the pre-race babble, I ran 3 x days of 15miles each in a row this last week a new achievement for me. By Friday, my legs seemed adjusted to running... so much so that tacking on 5 extra miles that day - post-nap and pre- second nap was very do-able. And then the weekend was off and going. Some 7 hours later I was in Lynchburg VA sleeping in the back of an SUV trying to neither scratch my skin off from the poison ivy that literally felt as though it was bubbling on my skin or break down in a puddle of tears as I fought through the frustration that I was not sleeping, not resting and horrifically desperate to stop itching. <br />
<br />
At 6AM I felt blessed to had survived the night and grateful to no longer have to try to rest.... the itching seems to be much less when you're not sitting still. And the day began, as I got to witness two awesome runners take on their first half marathon on a seemingly cool but very humid August morning. The course brought them down a very green lush bike path and then up and around a very hilly loop x 2 and then back in. I ran a very relaxed 6-7 miles cheering for runners as they passed, unfortunately missing both Dave and Hunter at the intersection both times. So I made sure to be at the finish line. Anyway both runners made their goals and had a great experience but I wouldn't even begin to tell their stories. <br />
<br />
So we're on the road again, headed back to Baltimore in time to help out Back on My Feet's "The Sneaks come out at Night" race event, arriving just a few minutes later than the start, roughly 90 minutes later than would have been ideal. So dirty, unshowered and thoroughly exhausted... the cheering continued and what an experience! <br />
<br />
As a runner its become a real blessing to be on the other side, to be able to comfort or provide in any way, you never know what any one else is feeling but having experienced many many feelings out on the course you know they're giving everything on so many levels, Truly Awesome. Anyway somewhere mid cheering I lost it... suddenly I felt like I couldnt stand up much longer, my legs were weak, my body tired and my eyes seemingly gaining in weight. But after this would be dinner, shower and sleep.... right?.....Well, here's the thing about social events.... they always go differently than the listed times...<br />
<br />
... So then I'm up in Hampden- which totally elated me since I'd never been there before... but still even the elation was mixed with growing internal pressure to find a bed, but also to get myself ready for my race. I'd gotten everything together and been there for everyone else, I'd assumed I'd have time for myself, but it was after 9pm already (aka about an hour past my pre-race bed time) and I hadnt even eaten yet (about 3 hours after my pre-race last meal time)....the panic grew and increasingly I felt my mood heading due South and everyone I was around was high and climbing (or so it seemed from my perspective). Then to top it off, my friend who'd agreed to run this race with me, bailed last minute. Sink and Anchor. <br />
<br />
I stepped out of the picture for a minute going for a short walk to try and collect myself. I was basically sitting on someone randoms door step wimpering.... pretty awesome. I didn't know if it was even worth the drive to this damn race now... after a year of wanting to do it, and talking it up, and getting excited.... it suddenly seemed stupid.... but part of me knew.... it wouldnt truly be half-wit half if I did it all "right" anyway... so since I was already off track I should just go with it. (But Um... try telling that to my Anxious heart.....no connection- utter panic.... very frustrating). Anyway... I ate... a sub, pizza, 1/2 a beer and cried for 30 minutes and bitched about my inevitable future failure for about 2 hrs, nealry scoffing at those wishing me luck (which I whole-heartedly apologize for, because if it weren't for that luck I'd never made it past mile 3).... and found bed around 11:30pm and slept like a ROCK. <br />
<br />
5AM and Up again... on the road by 6AM coffee and food being taken in. As ready as I could be, feeling..... well at least a LOT better than the night before. Upon arrival I met up with Robert and Cathy, Rob and Megan and we played catch up and chit chatted about the race a bit. As usual Robert had a plan, Rob was going to take it easy today... and I was just hoping I had it in me to suffer through this one, I had a feeling it was going to hurt. <br />
<br />
Downing a 1/2 a red bull, a tactic I'd not used since high school 5ks, I edged the starting line, near the front... the course leads into a single track much faster than the time it takes to weave through runners. The Half Wit OAth was taken and we were off, much much faster than would ever be a good idea. <br />
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I felt my heart rate climbing but decided to go with it. Judging from my endurance level, even if I hurt everywhere I still had enough in me to get this done. So I stuck to the plan and headed for first female- my way.... which means never assuming you've got the race- so basically racing yourself allt he way to the end.... anybody can have a good day, anybody can have a bad day... I was having a bad day. By about 1.5 miles in I took note of my very high heart rate, my pace wasnt nearly hard enough that my body should be burning through oxygen that fast.... but I literally refused to drop my leg speed. I was hurting.<br />
<br />
The First hill came and I was beat. I was hiking, disappointed in myself I remained as effecient as possible. I passed someone trying to keep jogging up and he collapsed into a hike as well. We ran together for about the next 2 miles with him nipping at my heals- the perfect motivaitonal source, and then the down hill cliff. If you look over the edge of well groomed trail you often see drop offs that look like a "bad idea" to fall down.... the Half-wit Course takes you down it... GOAL: STAY on your feet, because if you don't.... you'll be at the bottom with a lot more cuts and bruises than you planned on today. You slam from tree to tree and do your best. Then weaving up and down, up and down on a little bmx type moutain bike trail and then taking a sharp left to nowhere following the markers through the pathless forest floor. Here I took the next two male runners, As they carefull looked for foot placement and avoided tree branches and things that hurt to run into, through and jump over as I carelessly took the most direct path no matter what was in my way. Within moments of passing yet one more male I realized just how much energy It had cost be to be jumping and diving and sprinting through the forest, I really wanted to stop. <br />
<br />
6.8 miles you loop around a field and then instantly head about 128 stair steps... about here quitting seemed almost logical except that obviously I'd made it last year... in fact last year this was the place I passed the first woman only to have her take me on the very long hill, which until the day prior to the race I was sure I could run up. Sadly, come time to run the hill the fatigue in my legs was greater than any driving force I had internally- I peaked ahead of me and saw the next runner near the top and peaked behind me and saw nothing, I hiked, even then it was hardly bearable but the mental push remained... all the dopey quotes about pushing through came to mind and at last the hill peaked. I was wasted.... then I remembered I had my emergency GU with me So despite not being a huge fan I took in 100 calories of sugar with some caffeine and within 5 minutes had a second wind. I knew I'd hit atleast 2 more lows so I started to prepare myself while I was high, pushing harder since the trail was quite runnable. The downhill sections were techinical, and with my overall fatigue increasingly difficult but I was determined to keep, if not, pick up the pace and onward I went. <br />
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After what seemed like much longer than it should have been I hit the 10ish mile mark where I could hear Cathy's cowbell and then quickly rounded the corner to see her and Dave and suddenly it was a picture moment.... I tried to force some sort of "Oh yea this is fun" but Im pretty sure it was obvious I wasn't totally thrilled with my race experience. I knew from this point though it was basically done.... into the woods, past the alternative beverages through the prickers winding over rocks and then up the hill, down the hill weaving back around weaving in and out of runners moving the opposite direction on the single track path and then back past the alternative beverage station for 12.6 miles.... and from there haul a** to the last 200 yrds which with the exception of the last 50yrds you're nearly forced to climb using all limbs. <br />
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Somewhere in the woods I'd tracked the next female and knew I was safe in my position but by now my attention had been on the male runner ahead of me that I'd been slowly but surely gaining on, I was now at his heals, he prompted me to pass and I insisted we bring the race in togther... I like a good sprint in the last 50 yrs ;)... since I'm not sprinter its always an interesting challenge, but he fell back in the last .25 of the race and nearly falling over the gaurd rail crossing the road and climbing the hill I crossed the finish line in 1:50:17; 14th place overall, 1st female, cutting 9.5 minutes off my 2011 time.... I took a shower and then drank some beer and ate too much candy and hang out with some awesome people.<br />
<br />
So go figure... after doing it all wrong and griping the whole way, I still had enough mental fortitude to drag through and make it look like it wasn't the worst race of my life. Proud? Well.... sort of.... Happy and satisfied- most definetly. All in All pretty much the best weekend ever, I mean I got to share in three different running events surrounded by a lot of other "Half Wit's" and some smarter supporters of us Crazy ppl. So a big thank you to any and all who played a part, thats including every runner at each of the three events.... you all made it worth while when I doubted it all. <br />
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Next year.... will be.... next year, who knows, but hopefully I'll run it again. Such a great course, well worth the travel and the exhaustion!!<br />
<br />
Cheat Mountain Moonlight Madness 50miler August 24!!! mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-45299625550073101982012-07-23T11:07:00.001-07:002012-07-23T11:07:13.389-07:00Running with the Devil 12 Hour Mountain Creek NJ 7/21/12I have never felt as over-trained and mentally and physically wasted prior to an event. I tapered hard last week realizing that with the mileage I've been achieving weekly, with my level of experience I really hadn't scheduled enough recovery time. Despite my dropping swimming and backing off the biking I dropped my milage from 75 miles to 65 miles the week of the yogathon. And then proceeded to run roughly 20miles race week. I felt- improved, but still generally fatigued with mild pain still pervasive in my daily life.... not quite as recovered as I'd have liked. Not to mention the worst- most humiliating part of being over-trained.... when the run- isn't fun. So I gave myself an out- as I always do, it was ok if i failed, since I might. I'd toe the line at this race... ALL week prior to it I deliberated this decision, whether this was a good idea... Even after the fact, I don't know yet.<br />
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So there I was at 5:30 in the morning pinning my "374" to my shorts. The 5k course was designed to literally run through the upper level of the ski lodge, for a wonderful aid station and "docking area." 6am we were off. I knew right away I was going "TOO fast"... I am always presumably going too fast. but it felt good, I mean for an 1100 foot climb to start the first mile or so off it felt ok. I was pacing with the leaders, which naturally freaked me out. I always presume they're right when I share my experience level and I believe as much as they secretly hope, that I will bonk. But we lapped and lapped. The day was rather insignificant for the first few laps. I think perhaps it was lap 4 where I took the lead. Maybe I should back up and explain this course.<br />
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You start in the lodge, you run out to the base of ski slope and climb up... and then up some more.. and then up some more followed by a short trail decline which opens into a flat-ish section leading to THE CLIMB... which goes up, takes a sharp right turn and goes straight up what looks like a black diamond... so for 3/4 of mile you just climb, and climb before hitting a short plateau and climbing just a little bit more and then rounding that peak you enter the woods for some techinical trail slightly elevating but gently rolling hills leading you once again to a climb that has a very short but ridiculously steep wall that leads into a long but do-able climb to the summit before you begin to descend the 1100 feet of climb in the remaining mile and some tenths mostly straight down, with the steepest decent brining you back to the lodge to checkpoint and food, water, restrooms.<br />
<br />
So we're looping the loops, round and round... at 9am the 3hr and 6hr runners began their journey, it was nice to have SO many people out there, always ppl to exchange pleasantries with to share in one anothers efforts and boost each other's morale on the climbs. The weather was out of this world for Late July climbing slowly into late morning and not really getting hot until after 12pm, but the sun did break through the misty clouds opening up the surrounding skies for some magnificent views at the top of the climbs. <br />
<br />
Anyway, my race...its mostly a blur, but I know at loop 4 I was convinicing myself to make 5 in effort to complete 10 (31miles or a 50K) before allowing myself to quit. And then on 5 I was tricking myself into thinking I could do 6. On 6 I was sure there was no way I could do 10. This was only 6 after all, thats 4 more... which is less than I'd done, but could I keep facing that middle climb? I wasn't sure. Each time you look up from the sharp right turn near the base of the longest climb you see 4 or 5 huge snow machines with their yellow pads wrapped around the base and the large fans turning only gently in the breeze. The mountain looks steep, but small, short, climbable, bearable.... and then you begin to climb... the pain begins in the back of your calves, but you ignore it, one step after another right? The pain then deepens, you desperately negotiate a rhythm with your mind and nervous system to keep lifting the foot and pressing down in the same rhythm to keep moving at all. And then the grade worsens ... only 1/3 of the way up you glance up and start looking for tricks. Smaller steps maybe? Bigger slower steps maybe? side ways? backwards? but after you've tried all of these and even take a 3 second breather you realize there is not an escape from the pain... the only way out is through. Because when you reach the summit of this mountain you get a break- a cool shady trail with changing elevation and technical rocks to loosen your legs back up before the next climb, which is painful but you always know its the last one before you get to go down and "Check" one more lap off... so you really just need to make it up this one climb. <br />
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The downhill is steep, all morning it was also wet from the dew and some rain from the night before... it takes every muscle in your legs, abdomen, back, and arms to keep upright and not let gravity consume you... which actually seems tempting beceause if you did fall... you'd make it quite a ways down without any effort at all. <br />
<br />
Loop 8 was significant only because after 8 loops on the same course I found a hole and stepped right in it losing my right leg up the knee, calmly and totally not thrown off at all I said out loud to literally No one, "oh, there's a hole there, how about that." Also on this lap I decided that my new flaring tendonitis in my right foot was bad enough that it was time for a shoe change so I did that between 8 and 9.<br />
<br />
Loop 9 was slightly more significant since it was the changing moment in my race. I felt "good" considering I had 28miles under me already....I was moving very consistently, my rests had been consistent and my pace was steady, always running the runnable and climbing at my stready hiking pace that I tell myself I would hike anything (the fact that I was running in between was insignificant during the hiking/ climbing phase). I had decided I wouldn't stop between 9 and 10, I'd literally just drink 6 oz of heed and head back out, I'd take a 20 min breather after I'd finished the 50k to decide what the rest of the day would be. <br />
<br />
Honestly, by this point I was trying to slow down my loops, I was so terrified of the idea of doing 15 or more loops, which time wise i was on track for that I actually tried to slow down. I thought 12 sounded great, but I was coming through 9 at 6 hrs.... which means I had 6 hrs left.... quitting seemed logical, but 10 was a necessity. I would make 10 then decide. Decision made. And then Slam, my toe caught, my palms slammed into the sharp stonse of the one section of gravel/dirt road and I turned my fall into a forward roll and was up and running without losing a single moment... only now I had a peice of skin dangling from a bloody splotch on both palms. I blotted the blood on my shirt and 1st decided to ignore it and then 2nd decided I couldn't ignore it, I had to take care of this now or risk dealing with a lot more pain later and even possibly infection. I was suddenly overwhelmed that I was actually going to have to waste time on this, and pasrtially that it would hurt more later. Passing through checkpoint I darted to the bathroom, soap and water, I scrubbed aggressivley to get the dirt out figuring at least for now I had so much adrenaline from the fall that the pain was nealry non-existant. Now that it was clean... keep the skin? Lose the skin? S*** I thought.... I need to cut it.. I ran out of the bathroom in search of scissors. Within only a few minutes I had gone from calm and steady to freaking out girl from some minor cuts... and then wrapped up by some helping hands I was calm again, but thrown off. I wasted Much more time than I thought suitable but let it go. I wondered if Tony (the eventual winner) had passed me out while I was coping with my pathetic excuse for an injury.... I was off.<br />
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Lap 10. 50K complete. The bandages from the prior lap where falling off in my sweat, (sexy I know) so in my rest period I grabbed my duct taper which eventually some one found me the medical tape and wrapped me up as best the could with that. I headed out to the deck collapsed onto my back and put my feet up on a chair. It was wonderful.<br />
<br />
It may have been prior to this, but this is where I remember Tony's dad taking on a significant role in my race outcome. He managed to check in on me at every loop, just simply asking how I was doing, but it made all the difference to being utterly alone at this race. He kept my spirits up with his kindness and his passion for his sons accomplishments. A deep gratitude was enough to head out for lap 11. Which I grabbed my ipod for... I havent used my ipod in a race in years and couldnt imagine drowning out the afternoon buzz of the insects in the hot sun, but I did. I found some pleasure in it and kept a great pace, and felt quite well. As I finished 11, I didnt know what to do, it was only 2pm, I still had SO much time, and mentally didn't want to do much more of this. I started to fade, but was determined to keep going. Lap 12, ipod still going, was excrutitating. The climb cost me, I felt defeated- not that I hadn't over and over and over again... but this time I was getting emotional... a sign of menally losing touch with the run.... ughh. I was done. I would just finish this loop. When I crossed check point this time, I almost collapsed into a flood of tears, even though physically I was only beginning to feel the pain I was use to feeling much sooner in my long races. I was done. F this stupid course, I'm done. And then I wasn't done, how could I be?.... I dropped the ipod, it wasn't me to be using it and it wasn't the least bit easier. Lap 13 literally trying to go as slow as I possibly could to eat up more time, so I could have an excuse to do less overall. <br />
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This time I was really done. I wasnt going back out. And then... some other 12 hr females headed out for another loop, their last loop.... they've been going as long as I had, if they had more, I had more....so I went out again. Lap 14... bringing me in at 4:45pm-ish... 15 min until we could do 1/2 mi loops. The catch with half mile loops is they are half of the worst climb up in length/ grade and then the worst climb down- then repeat at will. I made 3 short loops snagging myself 44.9 miles. I have never in my entire running career rounded up, but when I came through checkpoint after my 3rd short loop, I took my shoes off. There wasnt even the consideration. Anyone normal would say 44.9 is the same at 45miles.... and So I quit with 30 min on the clock. I know I didnt actually run 45 and it'll eat at me until I fix it next yr or at another race of equal hell-like proportion of challenge mentally and physically. <br />
<br />
So the day was complete with a few guys looping through till 5:58pm. I was dissappointed in myself, but I gave it my best. I would have pd someone $100 dollars to bet me a beer I couldn't run one more lap and convinced me to get my shoes back on, since a silly bet would have been enough. I was physically fatigued, but not finished... But Many more races in my future (I do hope) and great lessons learned. <br />
<br />
Overall, A great day, A challenging course, great runners, great support and a very well organized event. A big thank you to Rick (RD), his family, Jenn, and Tony's father, Dave and Lisa.... not to mention Morgan and Allisons' texts to lighten the load on my mind. And without a doubt all the other runner's out there. I Might have quit at 10:30am, maybe at noon, or 2pm.... I dont know, but I know I'm grateful for the support.<br />
<br />
And a huge congrats to the other runners who took on this challenge, it was a pleasure meeting new people and can't wait to see ya'll out there at other runs!<br />
<br />
Half-wit Half in 2 weeks!!! So Psyched!mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-63972832332893221792012-07-16T13:57:00.001-07:002012-07-16T13:57:46.079-07:00Yoga is Love is Running 7/14/12Life takes you on some interesting rides. You can never really be sure when the moment you've reached the true peak or true valley until you start flailing down at what seems to be an ever increasing speed, your heart racing, your arms flying- wishing for anything to hold on to that might slow you down, and then before you know it a calming plateau sweeps you into upward motion again. <br />
<br />
The inhale and the exhale of life. <br />
<br />
From warrior one as your lungs fill and arms lift, weight shifting into your legs.... to warrior two as you exhale and your arms, your heart, your hips open- still remaining soundly balanced in body and in mind... and PAUSE.<br />
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The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind. I couldn't find enough calm to actually sit myself down and write. Since Mason Dixon I had my predicted withdrawl symptoms from the high provoked by running long distances. I knew it would come, as I've dealt with my "baggage" enough to know its weight and how heavy it can be. I was ready this time, after my 50miler emotionally kicked my butt for 4 weeks, I expected this would be an interesting experience. <br />
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I rode the high for 48hrs and then hit the peak and found myself flying down hard and fast. I reached out right away as I knew the very feelings and drama associated with my mood. I stabalized at a low, the support I'd gained was keeping my head above water. Somewhere in here..... the weight of everything outside myself became extreme. There was a holiday.<br />
<br />
Holidays mean obligations, places to be, things to do outside the regular comfort of your day to day to stress.... in fact, for most, even a day "OFF." Unfortunately I am skilled at turning restfullness into stressfullness. And I proceeded to overbook my day, cancelling my original plans to meet up with VHTRC for their July 4th run and instead planning a Very early long run on my own (which quickly involved others- thank you to Dave and Keith for the companionship) so that I could meet more obligations and see more people since you only get 1 day off and I love so many people.... It was actually a great day, but certainly not relaxing. Furthermore I was still not recovered from MDLD. My 27mile trail(ish) run was long, hard, and my joints ached.... Enjoying the parade and my friends after took actual effort, though they were ALL awesome and I am very grateful to have been invited to so many places (of which I only actually made it to one....I was in bed before the fireworks went off).<br />
<br />
The week moved forward.... the drama came and crashed into my low and I fell to a lower low. I began to shut down, my closest friends had walls thrown up between them and I as I failed to see hope in wearing them down with my irrational sadness.<br />
<br />
Despite the awareness, and reason, I could not seem to win the battle. And now it was Vacation... with mom and dad. This is not the place I would share the drama and the stress that followed but it made the rest of my life before the vacation seem quite peaceful. A lesson in the "grass is greener" category... possibly more importantly, a lesson in "You can't fix anyone but yourself" and I had found out, I've done a darn good job of fixing myself.... So I left "vacation" early and proceeded to release the stress from the past 2 weeks in one utterly sickening theatrical evening which I was blessed enough to share with friends who love me enough to forgive me for the performance. And this was ROCK BOTTOM... I took myself there, I forced myself to a turn around because I didn't know how else to start getting back up.....(clearly I still need some work on coping skills.... but one step at a time).<br />
<br />
So Garden State Yoga, the studio that offered me the building itself, the community and the teachers, and the educaiton that helped me turn my life from Zero to Hero....haha not really, but it seemed great to write ;). But I did successfully find inner peace and self love and stopped utilizing my eating disorder to deal with my life, which in turn allowed me to function much more highly and to enjoy or, oh dear, even LOVE the things I was already doing... like running. <strong>Without yoga there is no Running.</strong> The gratitude toward my teachers is deeper than any child to their mother. And here we were, prepping for 12Hours of yoga with those I love to do something good for many who need love. And what a perfect way to climb up from rock bottom.<br />
<br />
I managed to ....(as if I did anything) You ALL made me able to reach my necessary goal of $250 (raising $335) within 72 hrs after I agreed to tack on some miles... a marathon as ti turned out 26.2 miles to my yogathon, many many thanks <3.<br />
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This came with great fear, this little run/ yoga DAY. For the first time since I began training for ultras, my body and mind was screaming<strong> Fatigue</strong>. I needed rest. Vacation was hopeful of this, but was an epic failure in that departmnet. So taking on the challenge I'd set for myself.... well, it didnt matter when I remembered that it wasn't about msyelf.....so It worked out... the run was acheiveable one step at time....and the yoga....<br />
<br />
12 hrs of gorgeous yogis and yoginis practicing their hearts and souls out on the mat, experiencing different styles of teaching, diffferent teachers and different perspectives. There are hardly words to wrap up the day except <em>Love.</em> The room was filled with a sense of giving, and we all gave everything we had. No one in that room left less than exhuasted mentally, physically and emotionally. Props to Garden state yoga for the amazingly well run first event, raising over $30,000 for Urban Zen, Kula for Karma, and Off the Mat into the World! <br />
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Needless to say the day, thought long and challenging, brought everything in my life back into perspective. The reasons I do... everything that I do... and the gratitude I have for having found a way of living, of thinking, that is without judgement, fear or anger that allows you to move through life with natrual ebs and flows of your own breath, your own path. Inhaling every taste of life- taking in ALL that YOU need and exhaling what you don't, letting go of the pressure, the standards and the expectations....Coming back to a place of Wholeness and Health.<br />
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And Now somewhere in the middle of a climb I am, as we all are, looking for balance.... a way to stay free flowing. In less than a week I have my 12hr Running with Devil Event in Vernon NJ. I have not yet decided to what level I will push myself this time, but my body gets to choose this battle, not my mind. So I will go and I will toe the start line and I will run until its no longer sensible and then.... I guess we'll find out ;). But I run for fun, because I find<em> nothing</em> when I run.... it is not a means to an end.... it simply is <em>Love</em>. <strong>Love is Running and Yoga is Love</strong> and None could exist in my world without the other. Sending out some of the excessive "good stuff" from my wonderful weekend to you, because you can never really have too much Love in your life. <br />
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Thank you All again, especially Allison and Melissa (my teammates) for a wonderful, revitalizing experience that will help many many others who you many never meet or ever see, but You helped change their lives.<br />
<em> <3Namaste<3</em>mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-49972709585142286022012-06-24T09:14:00.001-07:002012-06-25T09:23:16.731-07:00Mason Dixon Longest Day Challenge 100k- Part 25:34am: Go time! We all started trotting off up the road with an awareness not to miss the 1st turn, as the 3:36 group had. Four guys took off, I made sure I was moving well but relaxed- it was the start of a long day. Weaving in and around following the trail I hung with Steve who knew the trail well. He'd not yet ever made the challenge parameters and wanted to make it this year. I hung with him, but he stopped to relieve himself and I kept going.<br />
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Only a mile in and I was already alone, oh dear. I paused and grabbed my Map #1. It was actually very helpful and I held it in hand as I kept moving on the trail. The trail opens to the road where 3 full sized trees were down and the lines also down a very different type of treacherous running. The road followed every curve on the map and then there was a left turn...somewhere... I saw the 4 guys that has taken off flying wandering around at the first available left turn, clearly that wasn't the right way. First mistake bypassed as I kept going and found the light blue Mason Dixon trail sign on the post at the next left. I shouted for the others and kept moving. I looked for blue and paused until I saw it at each turn. The number of trees down across the path in the section was crazy. It looked like someone had bulldozed the path. By 5 miles in I was soaked head to toe from the damp trees and grass, and covered in spider webs and already showing some decent scratches from the slippery branches climbing through the downed trees.<br />
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Still moving well, I was now hanging with the fourth guy who had missed the challenge parameters by 2-3 minutes 2 years prior, Thomas. He was determined... he said he needed to make sure he ran the runnable areas.. and this line stuck in my head... if thats what it took, I would do that. One misguided step after another we were often lost for a few moments but would pick up the trail again. Soon enough we caught up the the other guys, Bill, Nate and Keith. The trail was in fields and then back in the woods, the climbs were steep, hardly runnable but mostly short, so once you were close to the peak you kick back into the run. Conserving energy and moving smart.<br />
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I was now running just behind the top 3 guys and I was determined not to lose them as any mistakes made would be by them and I could take my time to look for the blue markers. This plan worked very well as I made every turn. Just about this time, after another wrong turn for Keith, I caught up to him again and we chatted as we trotted by the 2am starters and missed a turn, luckily only by about 100yards since Bill and Nate called to us. Bill and Nate had a crew following them around the course but each time they stopped I'd catch them again and Keith was headed far ahead of everyone and continued to make wrong turns costing him miles and time. The four us ran "together" off and on for miles. Through the field of prickers and then the field of Nettles. Our legs burned and stung and ached from the climbing.<br />
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At mile 15 I found Dave D. who apologized unnecessarily for his imperfect efforts to pace me... but I was just appreciative he'd come all the way up there and left me a cooler of ice and water bottle at mile 25. I told him he should still go for a run, the trail was gorgeous and thanked him again.<br />
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Mile 25, I fueled up. And asked Hunt (RD) if my camelbak could come along as my drop bags would. I hadn't trained with it enough and my shoulders were already beginning to cramp. So I chose to take off with my 20oz handheld alone for the next 13 miles. Hunt warned me this wouldn't be enough, but I had no choice, I couldn't keep moving with the bag. I drank conservatively.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">For a lot of this section I ran with Keith, Bill and Nate had fallen back a bit. I took a hard fall which only really annoyed me because I was now covered in dirt. Not long enough later I took another fall slamming my left shoulder into the ground for the second time. It ached and bothered me, but I was unconcerned, but new I had to drop pace and get better control of my running. I dropped to a walk, shook off the trauma of hitting the dirt, and started back at my own pace. Keith was gaining distance quick, but I wasn't concerned. I felt ok about following the trail, I just had to stay smart.</span><br />
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And with 6 miles left till the next check point I was running short on water... It was only by chance I passed someone offering cold water to the runners... Just a nice person helping out...Man, did I get lucky and I knew it. I re-filled and took off for a lot of hot sunny hilly miles on the pavement.<br />
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My body temperature was cool enough, not overheating, but losing liquid fast and consistently thirsty. I was still being conservative as clearly this STILL was NOT enough. I knew Henry and Mimi had left water at the mile 32 spot which was coming up. So I chugged half a liter there and re-filled my bottle again. Which safely got me to Mile 38 checkpoint.<br />
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At mile 38 Hunt told me I'd still be close to the cut off at my current pace. I overall felt Great. My legs still felt mostly fresh, I was a little too warm, but manageable. I took in about 400 calories at this aid station and took off again. Figuring this section would be key. I felt good and I knew the last 12 miles would be Rough.. so if I could Move hard now, I could save up the time. So I did.<br />
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I moved hard where I could, I drank water and "borrowed" from Nate and Bill's crew for an extra bottle. I felt pretty good, just starting to feel a little worn. I had one more fall. I had just crossed the creek smoothly, shoes dry effortlessly when Whamp! My face was in the dirt before I knew what happened. A branch had punctured into my shoe taking me down. That was third hit on my shoulder, my shoe was ruined and my face was scratched. Ugh! I thought, I was literally just disgusted, I went back the creek and washing my hands off and kept running. I made a sharp right as my eye had caught a turn I was concerned Keith would have missed but he was no where to be seen. In no time I was hitting spider webs, I was the first person running here, Keith had definitely missed the turn. I missed the next one and lost 10 minutes wandering around but found it and was grateful I'd taken the time without wasting much energy.<br />
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Mile 46, what a sight... just as I was running short on liquid 4 miles too soon at the heat of the day Cathy, Robert and Rob were there. We filled my bottle and off I went. I took the trail and met up with Robert and Rob to run about 1/2 mile later. It was nice to have the company. They were bouncing along fresh and I was dropping off pace and they were pushing me. It hurt but I was glad. We got off course almost immediately. I was happy to have company and stopped paying attention pushing up a hill I would have walked had I been alone. Robert needed some info about trail markers, as he hadn't run much trail, but we were back on course within 5 min.<br />
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We got lost once more and Keith had caught up with us. I'd been wondering when he'd be back. He had probably run an extra 2 miles at the one turn he'd missed. We got back on track here and headed to mile 50 check point.<br />
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Hunt was surprised to see me, I was about 45-50 min ahead of his prediction. I joked with him, "You said I was close, and I knew I wouldn't be making up much time in the last 12 miles." He smiled and told me I'd be finished by 6:30pm... I said... "Maybe, we'll see... still shooting for 8:30" It was about 2:40pm at this time and the last 12 miles was predicted 4-5 hours. It was going to be hard.<br />
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It started off as nice running, better than a lot of the conditions all day. And then the trail abruptly ended at huge downed tree. It was difficult to guess but we climbed up the hill on the other side of the creek, No BLUE anywhere!! We spent 10 minutes wandering before committing the unmarked trail with down trees on the corner- where any markings may have been. About 300 yrds later the first blue mark!!! So exciting. My pacers caught up to me. (It was a hard concept for me, to not wait for ppl running with me.... but I was the one trying to finish... so It seemed like a good idea not to wait, still felt wrong).<br />
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The Last 8 miles... Wholly Mother of Mountain. The trail climbed endlessly... only it was worse than that, you'd peak and begin to descend and then climb endlessly again. Again, again, again. I thought it'd never end and although I knew better my mind was beginning to break down. Climbing up using hands feet and whole body effort at times, I knew once we got down to the bottom there was only one more climb... but this climb kept going. My pacers were wearing thin. Robert was moving strong, Rob was growing weary with the climbs after a hilly race early in the day. But it was good pacing with him behind me. At times I was brought to a momentary standstill to let my heart rate drop a little and the burn to lessen just enough to regain mental fortitude. If ever questioned "you ok" the answer was and would always be a strong YES, there was no question I was getting up this hill.... but I was getting bitter and angry as I felt the weakness in my mind growing as the pain exacerbated. My words had harsh edge to them and I felt awful that I wasn't being nicer, but I just hoped that Rob/Robert understood that it wasn't them and just the immense effort I was putting out that was costing me my usual kind tone.<br />
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Finally headed down, the down was treacherous switchbacks with loose stone, it was fun, but a struggle. At the bottom, Nate and Bills crew saved us all let us re-fill water once more at mile 60- since we had all run out.<br />
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A couple hundred yards later I saw Keith again, he was running the wrong way on a confusing section I'd gotten some info on from Henry the night before. I told him to "Stop running up the hill... go back down.. I'll show where to go."<br />
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He exclaimed that I was wrong and he'd tried this already. I ignored his comments as he was also truly angry about the being lost part of this run. He was tired and mentally wasted as well. But I knew he'd follow so I just kept moving. My pacers hung back with Keith and they all followed me. I just moved... this cliff needed climbing....now. It was the only thing between me and rest... I climbed hard. I was angry internally, the pain was immense the spider webs... well I was done picking them off, I had just over a mile or just under a mile, who knew, but I couldn't pick them off or wipe them off before another was strung across my face, arms, legs... I just let the strings stick. Just wiped for actual spiders. I climbed and climbed, this was the same as the last, some descent granting hope and then smashing the hope with another steep climb. And then the descent started.<br />
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This was insane, the descent meant climbing up (yes up to go down) over rigid boulders, I almost laughed from the crest of this hill, sharp downhills on both sides and I was moving between... crawling between boulders thinking to myself "who decided, when the Mason Dixon trail was created that this was an intelligent way to travel through this section?" I was Done, And the descent continued, My left foot slipped off the edge of the trail... I caught myself from one hell of a fall and slowed down even more. I couldn't afford to break now. Or rather I was unwilling to literally fall down the sharply descending hill of rocks and trees.<br />
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The Road!!! Halleluia! I saw Cathy, she asked where Robert and Rob were I said they were with Keith and she offered to run in with me the last 5 min stretch, I said Yes, that would be great! And 300 yrs from the end there was Henry who had dropped at mile 50....And then it was done. I collapsed into a hug with Henry and then the green grass covered embankment outside Shanks Mare Store was a wonderful place to more properly collapse. 6:30pm on the dot... go figure. Hunt was right! 12hrs and 56 minutes later, a new female record set and the first female to actually complete the challenge parameters. Very Amazed and happy. I got very lucky a lot, I have no idea how, but I'm grateful.<br />
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Keith and my pacers made it in. People arrived, And we had a pleasant gathering. Bill made it in and then closing in on sunset Tom made it with 20 minutes to spare and then Nate came in 14hrs 49 minutes.<br />
Finishing in roughly 16hrs came Will, and Brigitte who I didnt't really meet unfortunatly made it in at 20:42 minutes.<br />
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(Congrats to All finishers, and heck- to All Starters! Way to go!! Recover quickly and I hope to see you soon!)<br />
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In no time it seemed I was on my way home. I met so many wonderful people. Mimi had dropped so I didn't even see her again. I drove Henry back to his car and topped a wonderful day with an Ensure. The gratitude is endless, but the longer my runs are, the more ppl there are to thank. If you so much as "liked" a comment about the race on facebook or offered a helping hand or friendly text or gave me a ride or gave me water or .... endless.. Well Thank You... you made this a Totally Awesome Experience!!<br />
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Recovery and prep work NJ Trail "Running with the Devil 12 hr run" July 21st!!!<br />
<br />
<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-75132859977424388872012-06-24T07:29:00.000-07:002012-06-25T09:13:23.162-07:00Mason Dixon Longest Day 100k Challenge - Part1I learned about the MDLD run on the VA Happy Trail Run Club events calendar and thought it sounded like a great idea. When I read about it sounded even better- it was not a race it was free crazy challenge, that didn't seem that impossible to me so without hesitation I emailed the Race Director (RD) to see if he could squeeze me in. Luckily some space had opened up and I was in. Oh NO!.. What had I gotten myself into???<br />
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So instead of researching the run, I put it on the calendar and ignored it. Until the Friday before, I finally read the race details, checked out the maps and decided I might be totally in over my head. Less than 10% of starters make the goal to finish the run starting at sunrise by sunset granting you roughly 15hrs and some extra few minutes depending. Less than 25% generally finish at all. The field is small, 20 starters. The Course... was HARD... had to be right? For the numbers to be like that? The race postings included horror tales of being lost for miles, poison ivy and endless issues with the challenge that made this CRaZY difficult. So as per my usual, I started to FREAK out.... I was going to fail... so I came to terms with myself. If I did make- it would be wonderful, if I completed the challenge it would be Epic for me and if I failed.. well fine, at least I'd get a great long run out of the deal.<br />
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So I started talking and picked up some runners and support crew. And then I spent the Entire week Being more nervous about excepting help than I was about my running. Robert who came out to pace me is a STRONG runner, but I Know how he feels about trail, and when he agreed to complete the last 16 mi with me I was concerned. I debated telling him not to come out. His wife Cathy would Crew us and then Rob S. came out to after running Druid Hills 10k that morning for a few more hills than he anticipated. David D. was going to pace me from 13ish-25 but had difficulty with finding a way to coordinate the car/ bike/ run to make this possible alone. On the back burners I had David P; Cate for crew and a few others who kindly offered to give up their Saturdays for my crazy dreams and endeavors. And then there were other issues, getting back from Finish to start. Drop bags. Hydration. Poison Ivy. Calories in vs. Calories out. Foot care. Which Shoes? What pace? How to to not get lost? All of these thoughts consumed the prior week.<br />
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Everything was coming together, I just had to let go and let it be (I'm not very good at that). Thursday night before the run I had dinner with M and with a simple gift and some written words, my friend made it possible for me to relax into my own thoughts about the weekend ahead.<br />
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Friday I was ok, but internally jittery. I was So excited, some nervousness but mostly just so excited, I had no idea how to deal. So I had lunch with Dave L. and got to talk out some of it with a good friend, so that helped. Finally I headed up to Havre de Grace to meet Mimi who when I finally got in touch with handed the phone to Henry who let me know they were 25 miles up the course. Now, I had never met either of these people, and only knew I had arranged and confirmed just the nught before that I would meet Mimi at the campsite. I was frustrated that I'd been left behind, but I just went with it and began the 50+ mile drive north to Shanks Mare store - the finish line to Meet up with the two, and I would leave my car at the top so I could eventually get home. When I arrived no one was there. I was beginning to feel somewhat betrayed. I did my best to keep composure and not overreact after all I am actually quite practiced in forgiving ppl even when they don't deserve it. But then ... they showed.<br />
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Mimi apologized intently explaining how things got switched and changed around and without needing anything more she was totally forgiven. It took me a little longer to understand and clear up Henry's part in the whole thing, but in no time I could see his excitement for the event and I could more than understand getting swept into the plans. Forgiveness granted. On the ride back down, we stopped for dinner, and missed the apparent "tornado-type" storm that had passed through Susquehanna State Park and the surrounding town. So we had to navigate around the downed trees and downed power lines to get back to camp where Mimi helped me throw my tent up in the rain. And in no time I was tucked into my sleeping bag.<br />
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3:15am: I couldn't take it any longer, I had to know the time, So I switched on my cell and then proceeded to switch it back off and tell myself to sleep for one more hour (trying to conserve . Within 20 min- it was failing so I got up. Figuring Mimi who was planning for the 3:36am start would be up by now, this way I could see her off.<br />
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The night prior Mimi and I ended up in conversation about some of her adventures. This woman from TN who came all the way up for this crazy run, was well beyond tough. She has swum numerous rivers around the world. With the support of her daughter and few kayakers and the people around the rivers. She went into some details about being in countries of war/ political issues where people would come together to help her and her daughter, offering food, shelter and care without even speaking the same language. How we are all first and foremost human and then whatever else they were labeled with. The stories were amazing, I felt blessed for having met Mimi and I told her so... and unfortunately at 9pm we knew the clock was ticking and much needed to be done before the morning came, it was not time for this.<br />
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So it was approaching 4am, Mimi was just leaving for her nautical start in honor of her son who is in the Navy. That morning while prepping I asked Mimi exactly how one swims 981 miles over 57 days in a river- I mean what about rapids and the rocks?? I was in Awe... she was almost confused by the question... "you just get in and extend your body.... just flow with the water, you stroke when you can and you listen, the rocks on the bottom make a tinkling sound as the water pulls and as the water speed picks up the tinkling speeds up... it's a magnificent sound... and in the rapids you once again just extend your body and you just let go, the water takes the path of least resistance and you just have to trust you will too."<br />
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Now for this was like every lesson I've taken form yoga personified in a human being. I couldn't even imagine, I am so bad at just "letting go" I believe I would be impaled by rocks.... perhaps this a deeper lesson.... So between Following my "Dream"s as my new charm on my necklace states (Thank you M) and letting go, I suddenly felt very whole and prepared for this day.<br />
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Henry was now up beginning his ridiculous caffeine spree with 1 can monster and 1 can starbucks/ ensure combo. We were as ready as we could be when.... 4 headlamps come bouncing up past Henry's car... its the Trail Dawgs- the one's that started at 3:36 and have run the trail before...at least once... they were lost by atleast a mile basically setting them behind the 5:34 start group by the time they got back on track. Henry and I laughed as we had no idea really what we'd gotten into... but if ppl who the course were lost in the 1st mile... it was going to be one hell of a day. Off we headed to the start to mingle with the other 5:34am starters. Pictures and welcomes. A last minute entry, a friend I'd made a week prior Keith showed up ready to run. So there we were 5:33am.<br />
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<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-49755453995217665742012-06-18T16:36:00.000-07:002012-06-18T16:40:42.807-07:00B-10 B2B 10kIt's been roughly one year since I moved to Baltimore. The first social thing I did after moving to Baltimore in 2011 was run the Baltimore 10-miler, I figured I'd meet some other runners. Knowing me I actually almost presumed I wouldn't since I rarely start up conversations. But I did, I met Frank, Everette, Jeanette, Serge and Lucia who kicked off a year of amazing changes and running. Frank and I, along with his daughter ran the Father's day 10K put on by Annapolis Striders on the B&A. It was my first introduction to back to back racing- and realizing that the limitations we conjure are quite false.<br />
<br />
So naturally when entry opened for 2012 Frank and I scrambled in ASAP. I had some pipe dreams in the months leading up to this race that I could break 70min. But as the day neared that seemed illogical, I mean I never train faster than 7:50 on a really good day. Granted my mileage from last June has tripled along with new sports like biking and swimming thrown into run/ yoga routine. But I was capping my week at 77 miles and my legs weren't quite fresh. I also felt some strange twinges from my hamstring all week and thought it'd be better to stick to a more suitable ultra-runners pace... 8-9 min miles... and just hunker through for fun.<br />
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So race day!... Best day Ever.... I almost cant even explain, between Dave doing his first 10miler and the Back on my Feet crew there and supporting, and my catonsville family there (somewhere although i couldnt find them)... I was just happy to be a part of it all. Just to feel the difference in where I was from last year.<br />
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I watmed up roughly 5 miles and then joined the BOMF crowd for our prayer/ cheer circle up, then Dave and I got into the starting pack around the 1:55 pace group... which- no offense in the least to those running that pace.... but that is not a smart place for someone planning 1:15- 1:20 to start... it means dogding people and tripping over people while rudely cutting them off, apologizing a lot as you bounce your way from side to side to side trying to get up your own running pace. But I wasnt concerned... we were chip timed- (for non-runners- this means it doesnt techincally matter where you start- the clock starts for you when your body crosses the start line and the same for the finishing aspect). So we got moving.... eventually int he 4th wave.. placing me starting 4min+ behind everyone and then playing dodge the runners for the first 4 miles... or until about 1/4 of the way around Lake Montebello... And to be honest, even once I was in the clear, I kept the mindset that I had to "get up to speed" so that I'd keep moving at a "HARD" pace... but not a painful pace- because thats no fun for me.<br />
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At 4.5 mi I found Frank... I sprinted up to him, said Hey!, I've been looking for you all day!! - fist punch- and I kept movin at the same pace. Mile 5-6 uphill I passed Dave P and hardly even noticed- I was focused on not dropping pace since I still felt good- which was a surprise to me.<br />
<br />
Anyway, to be honest the rest was a blur, just running, ticking off miles and then I saw Greg more lovingly referred to as "Road Runner" and has was slowing up a bit up the hill, I tried ot catch him as soon as possible and see if he'd come with me- we were just a mile away from the fininsh and once we crested that hill the climbs were over anyway. But he didn't come and I picked up pace even more figuring I was still feeling too good for this scene in a race I should probably move my a**, (thats slightly overstated- I hurt like heck at this point... I mean for me- I was movin'... but I did feel I had more and thought it was as good a time as any to use it). So I circled passed the BOMF "cheerleaders" and did the little loop they created this year.... around a cemetery... what a "joyful" way to end the race.... I mean I got the point they wanted to make the last mile a good cheering zone kind of thing- but it was honestly hideous and slightly morbid.... I would request another hill climb over ending the race in that fashion- just my opinion. Anyway kicked in 1:14 something or other,.... figuring I may have actually made my goal (which I later found out I did) 69:31 without a watch and starting from the back... I was quite pleased. <br />
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The rest of the day was great! hanging out with Dave S and Rob and Dave L (congrats on an awesome 1st 10 mile run!) and Frank, Everette, Serge and Jeanette and her step daughter who was getting married that evening- (congrats!! if you ever find your way to this silly blog <3). Cancelled the rest of my workouts do to an awesome migraine. And went to bed at 9pm-ish...<br />
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Sunday- Happy Father's Day to all Fathers!!- got up went to robinson rd severna park high, signed up for the 10k and warmed up 2.5 mi, run harder than I planned and ended up running 42:40-ish... which was fine... nothing amazing...but met a couple new ppl to stay in contact with. Not long after Frank, Everette and I were back in Catonsville with Franks sons and we all had breakfast only for his wife and daughter to show up and create a wonderful experience (for me anyway- since they're one of my many adopted families :)!)....<br />
<br />
Two hours later I somehow ended up on a 25 mi bike ride (i think my legs were moving but it was rather slow)... I got my first flat and therefore my first lesson on changing a bicycle tire... seems easy enough... and then I bonked- never had that happen before... atleast not that bad... but I still made the climb home to FRanks place where we fixed me up with some salad and cheetos and lots of water. <br />
<br />
Such a great Weekend- too many people to thank and mention and (apaprently I have TOO many friends named Dave... seriously I have 6... that I talk to regularly and they all RUN....CRAZY!)....So thank you Back on My Feet (everyone!) and everyone else.... and yea you too.... Thanks ;p<br />
<br />
Good to Go for Mason Dixon Longest Day Challenge 100k trail run on 6/23/12!!! XOXOmxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-84293702468119646052012-06-13T16:07:00.001-07:002012-06-13T16:12:00.685-07:00Litchfield Hills Road Race 6/10/12I was going to attempt to lump three races from my two weeks together. But well, in all honesty, I needed something to do besides stare at the computer screen. So this should be breif since the race was breif.<br />
<br />
Friday I made it home after helping out at Operation Oliver for a few hours taking out some trees for an upcoming community proj (projects within projects :) ).... as my arms were fatgiuing from hand sawing trees I was wondering how this working out as my REST day... but at least I was only walking carrying tree peices not running miles and miles- right ? But anyway I left there early enough to clear NYC before traffic hour - which mostly worked- still caught the beginning of it... but what can you do. Home by 5ish and starving. I dont even remember most of the night, but it was restful.<br />
<br />
Saturday I woke up on time 5:10am... despite the fact I'd been up to almost 11PM- much too late for me....and saw my parents off to work before heading to White Memorials nature boardwalk- my #1 recovery long run location. So gorgeous. Ran about 8mi before Amy joined be for 5, then we stood and talked for almost an hour and I then I finished up with 4 more miles... giving me 17 easy miles....<br />
<br />
I was so so glad to catch up with Amy, we'd been trying for months and i loved having company on the run... however my stomach empty from miles 5+ was not happy with the long break and then starting up again without further nutrition besides "smart water"... smart water for a stupid girl who brought her water bottle out of the house on her way out- but never filled it out ... (i did consider going back- but.... didnt...womp womp).<br />
<br />
Anyway I spent the rest of the day so tired I literally spent 3 hrs rolling around trying to comfy in my car and then a park, and then my car again.... but as the migraine began to reach unbearable it was now almost time to be social! My car instead of home- guess that would help..... I live in the middle of nowhere by about 20 min.... so i knew that after my errands when i started feeling- BAD- that if i went home I'd not come back out to town to see the friends I wanted to later... so i forced myself to stay out....<br />
<br />
Anyway I caught up with Lisa and then met up with Alisha for dinner and after a this 1st glass of water at the restaurant - i felt magnificently better- it was quite odd.... its not like i hadnt tried a glas of water about 8 times since the run.... but I guess I finally began to re-balance and had a wonderful time chatting and enjoying a very good dinner at "@ the corner" in Litchfield where my old friend from childhood gymnastics was actually our waitress.... So nice to be home <3. Small town cozy.<br />
<br />
Anyway- got home caught up with mom, showed her pictures from facebook of my races- and crashed- even later!!! But still woke up at 5:14... go figure... i laid there a lot longer sunday though :). Eventually I got up and made some cookies, wasted some time... a 1pm race is so late you never know what to do with the first half the day so i went for a slow 2.5 mile run (working my week to 70 miles by the time I finished the race).<br />
<br />
My brother and sis-in-law got to our home and then we headed to town for the Race. Met up with Liz, Dave and the family as per LHRR usual- check in- port-o-pot line- warm up jog- start line- national anthem.... Canon BOOM.... and we're off. <br />
<br />
I didnt start with fresh legs which was fine... my head was still heavy and achy and my stomach was at 70% comfy, but I thought I'd follow the plan- go out hard and see what happens- NOT my usual plan at all- but I also almost never run anything this short anymore so I thought I'd see what happend with an achievable goal of sub 50 (old PR of 51:??).<br />
<br />
So I ran fast for me... sub 6:30 (huge downhill)- 6:30- .... missed my 5k PR by 5 seconds running past 3.1 in 19:40 (my PR is 19:36) So that felt good.. and i still felt fine and still assumed I'd die so was actually trying to hold back a bit... since it was a lil over 90 and very humid and the clouds were just breaking.<br />
<br />
I kept expecting to get tired enough ti drop pace, but everytime it hurt it'd pass and I actually started to pass people between miles 5-6 which may have been stupid with the hill...sorry THE HILL- GALLOWS Lane... at the 6mi mark.... but i figured its just a .25 mi hill and its gonna suck whether or not im very tired or VERY tired.... so oh well... and then there it was... fear struck... i knew this would hurt... but my brother was there. And apparently 2 other friends (amy and cait) and some others who knew me. I didnt even look up, just kept my head down, my arms swinging and my feet moving.... - Now I LOVE hills- but getting up one at sub 7 pace... not really my thing....maybe someday it will be... we- me and the pack of 5 guys I'd picked up crested the hill as we turned the corner to the final .75 mi straight and gradually inclined stretch of the race... to be honest they were in my way, but I was hurting enough i figured it'd kill me enough to pass them, that they'd just repass me, so i hovered trying not to take their shoes off their heals.... <br />
<br />
Within a few hundred yards they final noticed a chick was pushing them and three of them picked up the pace and one hugged close and one dropped back... the long stretch finally hit the point of seeming endless. My stomach was a wreck.... I was so nauseated... but logically assumed the chance of me getting sick betrween now and the finish was highly unlikely...and not until you turn the last corner for 0.1 mi downhill fininsh do you totally HATE that you always do this race. It's downhill... but its like no relief and the longest couple hundred yards ever in the direct sun.. and then Poof.. all done. 48:27.... improving my over 3minutes... i was happy... and highly uncomfortable for about 3 min. Then I saw friends Lauren and Brian and forgot I'd run a race except that I was standing around in a sports bra soaked from sweat/ pouring water on myself at every water stop.<br />
<br />
All in all... including a post race family picnic back home- it was a great day... oh yea- the migraine returned for the entire 5.5 hr drive home... luckily it wasnt bad in the dark quiet car... but at the one rest stop... with the noise, lights, movement- i questioned whether I was safe to be driving... but Im still here- and so is everyone else i shared the road with <3. <br />
<br />
Looking forward to Baltimore 10miler saturday 6/16 and the Father's day 10k 6/17.....mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-69585913838437993882012-06-06T16:11:00.002-07:002012-06-06T16:11:55.578-07:00Next Up: InSaNITy Sets in....We're in June.. .I've now had enough time to recover fully from my 1st full season of building up my mileage and experimenting with running a few ultras. And, in short- I'm SOLD..... I want nothing more than to be an active part of the ultra running community. I want the lifestyle that lets me train for maximal physical, mental and spiritual endurance. I want to be able to continue to share my growth as a person as well as a runner in hopes that my selfish lifestyle inspires others to follow their true passion.... hopefully eventually finding a balance between the selfish hours I spend working on myself and the good I can bring to the world.... not sure how to get to that point, but just stating that I hope I never lose the want to be a do-gooder. :). <br />
To do this... means it will take an even greater time commitment to the sport, and even less time given to things I'm not fully utilizing or are not directly benefiting myself or my community. The Focus must narrow. Sacrifice comes.<br />
<br />
I can't express the inner turmoil that begins to build when I picture my ideal weekend runs, setting out early to find a trail head and begin my run by 4:45/5am heading out into resolute areas of trees, rocks, water, and hills (Lots of Hills :) ).....covering miles takign the time to document the moments that are priceless, taking the time to eat or walk or whatever only to eventually find my way back to my car or bike in the mid-afternoon and taking myself to the nearest lake with a swimming area large enough worth lapping a few times and then heading back home for a fantastic shower and restorative yoga practice before getting a little overly dressed up to meet some friends or someday a significant other perhaps....lol....for dinner and a beer and heading to bed at 10pm so that I can wake up for equally wonderful though shorter day outside. <br />
<br />
But I've got to be kidding myself.... theres no way I can maintain the relationships I have while building more and never being around.... I feel totally disconnected and yet more connected than ever. My guess is that this is not profoundly unique and that any time you "take the road less travelled" there are many many moments of "Maybe the highway was a better choice...." But I'm making my decision.<br />
<br />
A great teacher during my undergrad years took me, shaky with anxiety about my decision to change my major (after the entireRoanoke college athletic training department made exceptions for and aided me in joinging their program despite being over a full semester behind) into his office and said, "Meg, I've got this great rule for myself and I think you should consider trying it: Make a decision, and do it before 10am. This way you can't spend the whole day worrying about its possible consequences." The point being of course: every choice in life has consequences, some will hurt others or upset others- but you must decide for yourself where you are going. None of those people will live your life for you; And therefore just Decide and Do. The energy spent worrying isn't helping anyone. If those effected chose to be hurt/ upset by your decisions, then whether or not you agonized over it will mean very little to them. So thats it, I am chosing to be an ultra-runner. Not a marathoner, not a 5k sprinter... I will likely never see a 5K under 18 minutes in my life (unless my goals change drastically)...and this is ok with me.... as long as I can leave home in the morning with a credit card, water, and flash light- running and get home with all of my joints intact and a smile on my face.<br />
<br />
There is a lot of work ahead of me, but I've already proven to myself I can and will do it. But there are no gaurantees....it could end in an instant.... and I guess I fear if I let anyone down on my way...then when/if I fall I'll be left stranded. I've been told more than once this is NOT the case, but trust is hard for me.... how can Anyone claim anything about he future? No one can claim at any present moment how they will think or feel or Act in the future moments. But this a risk we face in Every relationship, in every contract we sign or in every promise we make to ourselves and others. <br />
<br />
I'm not sure where this is going but I feel in my heart that writing is the best way for me to express myself and to sort through my thoughts. I guess in some strange way I'm writing this as an apology.<br />
<br />
An Apology to my friends that wonder where I've gone, and wish that I was less passionate just once in a while so I would make a little more time and effort to see them, or maybe at least just find some other hobby to talk about.<br />
<br />
And its an apology to my parents who I am apparently worrying sick with my night time runs and ever increasing dreams of leaving the country more often for Very Long runs with great risks (in their eyes). I'm not doing it to scare or worry anyone, I really do take the risk into account and listen to everyone's advice- I end up following my heart because every time I have thus far, I have been happy and overjoyed to find where it has taken me.<br />
<br />
Also An apology to my Eating Disorder, because despite My Inner Sickness's voice attempting to guide me be back to a self that works to please others and fit in with everyone she thinks is "normal" and "perfect" I have chosen to blatantly turn my back on her- I quit on my Eating Disorder 2.5 years ago and she reminds me often how angry and hurt she STILL is. Everyday I cope with this anger- it is an odd internal imbalance- I truly feel some internal anger with myself. Its as if being who I am Happiest being is failed to "suffer enough." How dare I be happy... positive, loving, joyful..... but I AM.....and my scars from the 19yr battle are not only internal, they are external and apparent to the world..... as long as I can see those scars.... I know better than to ever be tempted by those lies. Yes- this is WHY I have it tattooed on my ankle- the same place I tie my running shoes.... and my left ankle, because as a child I loved that in sports utilizing the legs (gymastics primarily) I was a lefty- which I was dopey enough to feel special about. And just like most human beings.... despite the fact that I am not truly all that special- I Like to Feel Special :). <br />
<br />
This is also an apology to the many organizations I feel I should be doing more to help via my talents or ability to promote.... but now is not the time..... And maybe I'm painfully wrong somehow and I will look back to regret not giving more of my time to building my relations with present options....but I truly feel I'm not done exploring enough to make any commitments to anyone who'd need to depend on me for any extended period of time. <br />
<br />
So I'm deeply deeply Sorry that there isn't enough time for me to do Everything in my heart that I wish I could, but for now.... I'm training; I'm running when the sun rises and often when the sun sets, and when Im not running, I am swimming, biking or practicing yoga or just plain resting. Please ... Join me.... for any of it, for all of it.... its a long road and I invite anyone to come out to share even just a few "miles" of it with me. <br />
I can only pray that the time I commit to a passion so solitary in and of itself will in time build itself to be something greater than it seems, but without truly committing to it... I will never know, and THAT is a risk I'm not really willing to take. <br />
<br />
But Hell... things change.... maybe that 17min 5k sounds good... I'll let you know tomorrow ;). Afterall I'm human... and better yet- I'm female which by the old standards grants me the right to change my mind as often as I'd like. Just Kidding.<br />
<br />
Up Coming Races in the works: <br />
<br />
Mason Dixon Longest Day 100k- uncomfirmed;<br />
Bear Brook 53.4mi Race- pending commitment from my mother (she wants to be there- strange for me- but Awesome!!)<br />
Catocin 50K- pending me mailing the application :/<br />
Heritage rail trail 50k<br />
Cheat Mountain 50miler<br />
Air force Marathon<br />
And beyond that-pending my decision to commit to my first 100 miler (late sept/ Oct)<br />
Marine Corps Marathong with Semper Fidelis Health and Wellness- a memorial run <3<br />
<br />
Thanks, as always, to everyone who loves me despite my insanity.mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-51666899184737082922012-06-04T16:21:00.000-07:002012-06-05T12:49:30.731-07:00Volunteering @ Old Dominion 100 mile Cross Country Run 6/1-6/3Another experience with a 100mile race under my belt and now the inspiration, motivation and anticipation of my first 100 mile run is building exponentially!<br />
<br />
I agreed to volunteering this event prior to sleeping after my last 36hr haul when I volunteered at MMT 100miler... perhaps it was a lapse in judgement... nonetheless I planned everything else around it and made it into a weekend. And in hindsight- this was a great decision.<br />
<br />
I made it a point to Visit my friend Liz in Berryville VA after literally having driven by her house on the way to/ from MMT. We didnt have much time together due to the logistics of my weekend and her work schedule but we got a very pleaseant 4ish mile run in through her town, and I got see the pool she gaurds/ teaches lessons at every summer. I started Friday feeling ridiculously ill, in fact worse than I remember feeling in a long time. My stomach ached in a whole new way, so instead of training I slept until I had to leave. So when I made it through this run without getting sick or feeling any worse, I was relieved.<br />
<br />
After our run, I changed and tried to wash up as best I could since I knew it'd be a while till my next shower. And then I headed the 45mi or so down to Woodstock VA. During this drive T-storm #2 began (I had driven through one earlier in the day as well)... it was pouring as I pulled into the parking lot at Shenandoah County Fairgrounds.... I wasn't too surprised. It would make sense the rain would be at its hardest at the same moment I should be getting out of the car, so I hesitated about 5 minutes and then set out for the door into the main building.<br />
<br />
Upon arrival, another runner volunteering for the weekend, Charles was there to great me/ holding the door open. I found David and soon met Collin- who I'd agreed to being a safety runner for through the 75-87 mile portion of the course. In no time I'd met the RD Ray and his wife Kelly and another runner. The next couple hours of prep for the following day passed quickly with lots of talk about running. We all (4 total) headed to bed on the cement floor of the fairgrounds building around 9pm. (With the weather just starting to subside- tents didnt sound too fun.) I don't really know if I really fell asleep at any point, but I assumed the broken sleep was better than nothing, so I kept trying all night.<br />
<br />
3am or so, I honestly didn't have the time on me, nor did I think knowing the time would help me in anyway we were up and at 'em. I was meeting runners I've met before and new ones I hadn't as I was watching the preparations for the long day ahead.<br />
<br />
After a short prayer the runners were off circling around the fairgrounds as us spectators watched their headlamps bouncing around in the distance. They circled back around passing us, David was already upfront in the pack top 3 runners. <br />
<br />
Charles and I took our time getting to the first aid station where we needed to bring Collin's race things for Chris- his crew driving from Atlanta overnight who was running a little behind and would meet us. We went for a 40min run snagging a short but pleasant 3.7mile-ish run. We hung out there for a bit and I met the female winner to-be's crew members, a group it was a pleasure running into over the course of the next 24+ hours. they were energetic throughout and in great spirits. (mentally noted for qualities I'd hope my crew would have when I eventually am in need of one.) Well... my energy didnt last long, we stopped back at the fairgrounds, and I pulled out my sleeping bag and curled up on the cement floor again and was OUT for a good hour. Then I read a bit as waited patiently for Charles to wake up from his nap.<br />
<br />
We Drove up 81N to The Cedar Creek Battlefield visitor center and then followed a portion of the tour route before heading to McAllister's Deli (a sandwich chain I'd never heard of but that brought great excitement to Charles). We ate a good and fulfilling lunch (it was in fact a pretty great place, somewhere I would stop again) and then headed to Shenandoah National Park to get to the visitor center for yet another stamp to add to Charles' Passport of state parks. We were both low on energy and concerned for time since our aid station at mile 75 of the ongoing race back in Woodstock was opening at 2:30pm. So we spent a few minutes enjoying the views and the information at the visitor center. My attempt at the Appalacian Trail became a constant thought process as skimmed through national park trail maps and photo books- a very long term goal of sorts.<br />
<br />
We headed to Elizabeth's Furnace, the Aid station location, were we met Dave who was in charge of the aid station. I prepped all of my things to run since at this time, I had no idea when or what to expect. In no time it seemed, the first runner was coming through, jogging in some mildly apparent discomfort as slowed to walk as he approached gripping his stomach in complaint of nausea. He took minimal nutrition and his crew aided him and his safety runner had already been ready to go. And within only a couple of minutes Olivier (first time 100 mile runner) was off to fininsh and win the OD100. Not far behind was David looking mostly comfortable, except of course as usual astonishing everyone with the blood streaks down his shirt from each nipple. The other aid stations volunteers offered bandaids or vaseline or anything..... and as usual any aid was denied. Gatorade topped off and some coke downed and David was off as well working diligently to narrow the gap with Oliver and eventually finishing in second place. The third runner was also not far back and moved quickly through the aid station. <br />
<br />
Groups of crew member came and went as runners came and went. It was a great experience seeing the runners each with there own formula for survival. Chris eventually arrived and let me know to be expecting Collin around 8/8:30pm which eased my nerves since I had better idea of how everything was going for Collin, and in terms of what I could do to be helpful while volunteering. <br />
<br />
Collin did come in around 8:30pm looking much better than I'd been warned he may be after the crew members and Chris had seen him last around mile 65. After few mintutes- dosing with chococlate milk, lactaid, S-caps and what not we were onto the course, which as expected was mostly a hike. In a 100 mile race its much more likely you will make it to the finish if you learn to let the trails decide your next move. In other words.. if your running pace up a mountain isnt much faster than your hiking pace but it uses more energy... its probably not the best way to approach the course... if running the steep techinical downhill risks breaking your ankle or other serious injury, then its probably not worth the risk.... each runner has to decide this for themselves based on their race and their training and how they feel in that moment. As a safety runner... my only job is to make sure my runner is, as stated "safe" which to me means mentally supported by companionship and physically supported by being able to see and hear another human moving at the pace they are... not racing them just being- keeping the subconcious focused on moving forward and distracting the conscious mind as much as possible away from the broken records of how fatigued or painful the runner may think they feel. The body can handle much much much more. So moving at 3.5 mph (estimated) uphill and 4-4.5mph downhill I was quite impressed that Collin was maintaining full conversation. I was more than certain he actually had enough to run most of this section, but he was be cautious which seemed to have been a good decision in the end.<br />
<br />
The temperature after sunset began to rapidly decline. As we reached the Veech east aid station I was thrilled to see a fire place. Spending a brief period here warming up, and fueling up we were off down the road for the last major (2nd to last) climb of the run. The climb up the hill was long and steady, I couldn't have imagined how different the climb would have felt if I'd had 83 miles on my legs already. These last 3 miles or so passed quickly for me, as the techincal trail cleared to a nice soft trail and into the Veech west aid station. I was freezing by this point, lost feeling in both hands and couple of toes (my normal), and lost focus when I saw Chris there to aid Collin and went in search of my bag with warmer clothing. Sadly, Charles had brought everything but that bag since I didn't even expect him to be at this aid station yet, I hadnt mentioned the bag, my mistake. So I found my car and headed back to elizabeth's furnace and as quickly as possible found my bag and put on my sweats. Thanking everyone and saying goodnight since Elizabeth's furnace was officially closed at 12am and it was now 12:20am.<br />
<br />
Back at Veech West I cozied up around the fire with other crew ppl/ volunteers. Runners came through slowly shedding their safety runners- some joining us by the fire and others headed back to a place to sleep. Around 2 am One of the female runners parents (who were her crew) were beginning to get rather concerned. Another runner's wife was also starting to get antsy. I however was now warm, half sleepy and wanted to run, so I took off backtracking on the trail to see who or if i could see any runners on their way. I went a good mile up and found the female runner with her safety runner, cold but moving well. I never did find the other runner, but decided to head back down, at least I could share that she was on her way, and I was now quite warm and very excited as I nearly sprinted down the trail with my headlamp, just seeing how it was to be moving quickly on trail at night, an experiment of sorts (to which the results concluded I would be running this course next year- if all goes well). Back at the Aid station I remembered the constant talk of ticks, and since I now had sweats on instead my shorts I thought I should take a look.... Right ankle #1 tick... looking hungry (EWWW) got him off of me and tried to stay calm since I was around ppl, and becoming hysterical would just look silly....now on the inside of my pants was tick #2... and #3..... Interally I was freaking out (if one of these suckers gets me, I may never run again- was the only thought)... I double, triple and quadruple checked my pants, ankles and even inside my shoes for anything else... I found nothing but proceeded to check for the next 10 hours randomyl fearing I missed one that would crawl up my pants and find its way to some horrible locaiton where I wouldnt see or notice until it was too late. (Yes I have a bit of phobia). <br />
<br />
Anyway I was tired, I decided it was now or never for the 30min drive back to the fairgrounds, so Off i went. I grabbed my sleeping bag and found the cement floor near one of the finishers, Dan. We talked for a long time, and then i attempted to sleep, failed we talked some more, another attempt was made- and it was breifly successful, totalling about 40min of rest. I just laid there trying to keep warm, and again Dan and I were talking again. It was time for coffee, this sleep thing is a waste of effort.<br />
<br />
Im not really sure how the next few hours passed, there were many different ppl and faces and names exchanged, for which I remember 50% at least, and so many stories and experiences from the race. <br />
<br />
Breakfast and awards were at 9am. So we all (with the exception of David btw who left right after his 100 mile race to get to Bel Air MD for his 17yr streak running a 5K) had a good meal and from 39th place (out 60 who signed up and 55 who started) up through 1st place we watched/ listened to the 100 miler champs who had successfully conquered their minds and had trained their bodies well enough to survive the challenge. For many at OD this was their first 100 mile run, and for many others is was one of many. The speaches from the runners were heartfelt and warm. It was a fantastic experience to be able to share with so many wonderful people. <br />
<br />
And then the weekend went on.... but there wasn't really anything else about running.... so I'll end this tale here.<br />
<br />
Great Big Thank You to David for the heads up to help out at OD100, to Collin for giving me an excuse to run some of the course/ and keeping me awake on the drive home, to Charles for taking me on the exploration of Northern VA State Parks adventure and running with me, and driving me (and the coffee :)), and to Dan for the Coffee and the company in the AM hours, and.....Dave for the Aid station, and Kelly, Ray, Kim.... the list is sort of endless, but I'm just grateful- so Thank you! <br />
<br />
Heading to CT for Litchfield Hills Road Race next weekend 6/10/12. Should be a quicky :).<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-46069550092202468162012-05-21T21:02:00.000-07:002012-05-21T21:19:41.989-07:00Capon Valley 50K-5/19/12<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Run Capon 50K</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Very first ultra I ever signed up for was Run Capon 50K.
Back in November of 2011 I dreamt of simply completing a 50k. Due to my run ins
with injury and failure in the past and some obscure idea that 2 marathons/ yr
was plenty for the human body to handle, I decided that the middle of May would
be the perfect time for my first 50K race.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well clearly things changed. I was offered many other
chances to test myself and with growing success I continued. My 50miler in NV
was a peak- a struggle, a true challenge on all levels and a clear look at what
I am working with- personally…. What tools I have without fully committing
myself to anything that might put me in over my head. If it had not been for The 6<sup>th</sup> Branch and letting
my “thing” be something to help Operation Oliver I cannot guarantee that I
would have succeeded as I did. Nevertheless, after the 50miler… my focus was
dead set on my chosen race. Run Capon- a trail race in Yellow Spring W. VA with
water crossings, hills, technical footing and GREEN everywhere. I was more
excited than I’d admit to anyone… but I think as it got closer, it became clear.
I was yearning to run… and because of the races I’ve done well at already I had
an absurd amount of comfort and serenity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I drove out Friday night with a borrowed 1-person tent and
my new sleeping bag and all my running gear in the car. Upon arrival to Ruritan
camp grounds the start/ finish of the race, I popped my tent together and
arranged my bedding and then went to check in for the race. I tried to appear
social, but as usual I conveyed more of an independent vibe. I can tell when
this is the vibe I’m giving off, it’s hard for me to fake it, and in new
settings with ppl I don’t know, who I don’t know or how to feel about, I move in a particular way, fumble with
anxiety and lay things down in a way that makes me seem content on my own, as I
basically am at this point. So after a few minutes of ease dropping a couple
conversations and finding no particular friendly opening I headed back to my car
and arranged my gear for the next morning and then proceeded into my tent at
8pm to read until I became sleepy. The ppl in the next couple tents beside me
started up in conversation, and strangely enough I found some vague sense of
confidence and stuck my head of my tent and as uninvited as it may have been
interrupted my way into the conversation. I have never done that before…but it
seemed to go smoothly, I ended up talking with my new friends until it was dark
and chilly. Sleep came easily as Fridays are particularly long days for me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
9hrs later my 1<sup>st</sup> alarm went off, and I was NOT
ready to move, pitch black and icy damp air awaited outside… but I ALWAYS drink
1 L of water 3 hrs before my race… if it was sooner to the start… well athletic
details…. I risk changes in my electrolytes and body system that I do NOT want
to deal with during a race. Yes, it was for fun, but I had every intention of
doing my best and taking pit stops was not in the plans. So up I got myself to
eat my 200kcal breakfast #1 and drink my water. I then grabbed my race outfit
and climbed back in my sleeping bag and proceeded to waste a stupid amount of
energy getting fully undressed and redressed inside the sleeping bag in the
pitch black. I took me almost 15 minutes. But- I was warm. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nearing 6 now, the sun was brightening the sky, I dug
through my car for some change to get a cup of coffee and proceeded to head
inside for that. As I walked I had breakfast #2 another 200kcal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone was kind, the bathroom line talks are always great.
The newbie’s, the ones that have run this every year and so on. And I waited till 5min to start to head
outside- to keep my body heat in check. In no time, 6:59…. And Go!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We headed up the road, I was telling myself to hold back a
little I didn’t need to push the pack now… I just needed to be past anyone that
might be in my way on a single track trail. On the first hill I took the last
woman in sight- who was an experienced looking runner with a strong uphill
pace. I was intimidated and inspired but then got out of my head and checked my
body… it was back to my race. I was here to run some miles on a beautiful
trail, just out to enjoy the day, and hopefully feel well enough to push
myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The trail was gorgeous in fact I couldn’t stop smiling. The
creek crossings in the first hour were nothing to get wet over, you just hop
from rock to rock and pray for secure footing. I was thrilled to get to play a
bit, it’d been months since I challenged my footing like this at a pace like
this. I began to get concerned that I wasn’t recovered enough, that I really
might bonk for the first time. I kept asking myself if I should pull back more,
but I was comfortable.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ran with a
couple guys for the next few miles, they kept me on this comfortable pace. I
ended up being able to take the hills just slightly harder both up and down and
sooner than I would have liked I left my new friends behind as headed off track
about 50yards downhill and then
back uphill and back on track…(which was conveniently also the time I passed
the 1<sup>st</sup> female who Id some how missed at the start of the race.)
Again though, that early into an ultra or heck… any run longer than a 5k, I
wouldn’t put a claim on a position…. You never know what can happen, and I
certainly wasn’t taking it easy, there was a very good chance I went out too
hard. But, I always go out like this and have always succeeded….thus far, so I
went along with it. And in no time I was running alone again. 150yrds behind
the next two guys. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Besides pushing myself and enjoying the trail I was trying
to watch my footing and the trail markers… gazing up the tree branches in the
distance makes not tripping a bit of a challenge. So I made it a short term
goal to keep these guys in sight. I didn’t think I’d ever catch them, but as
long as I didn’t lose them, I wouldn’t be alone to get totally lost.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the water station was a ridiculous climb… utterly
unrunnable- clambering for footing about to use my hands as the ground was
about a foot from my face – or so it felt. Anyway by the time we got up that, I
caught those guys. One of them fell back, I was very surprised. The other I ran
with for almost 20 miles. His pacing was great, we took turns in the lead. We actually never spoke except for both
times I fell he asked if I was all right. The first fall, I kept my feet on the
ground the whole time, only staggering for about 4 smalls steps. The second
however I actually took flight falling onto my left shoulder and rolling over
back up onto my feet- like a ninja- it was so COOL, haha…. But all I thought
after, besides the “man, I can’t believe that wasn’t on tape”… was what an epic
waste of energy that was. The lactic acid burnt throughout my body and then there
it was, the stubbed toe… just as raw as any other time you stub your toe only I
was still running on it. I don’t know about you but when I hit my toe I feel
the need to look to make sure its still in one piece. Well, I was in the middle
of the race, so I wondered if this would change my race, would a blister form,
would the pain get worse? In no time at all I’d moved on… it was just my toe,
who really cares… and the pain subsided.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the aid station I took in my greens bar 300kcal and kept
running. I used my endurolytes as needed. The next aid station I switched to
Gatorade/ water mix and kept running. I was proud to be cutting down time at
the aid stations. In my past races I took my time, but today I wanted to see
what I could do with just a little more focused effort. After the next aid
station and one more greens bar I was still feeling good. I had literally no
idea where in the run I was. I thought I felt too good to be where the time
would have put me. So assumed I was moving slower than I thought, I mean I was
walking the major the climbs… So 5:30 is ok… I mean I did have the lead right
now… so it can’t be that bad, maybe the course if just harder than I thought.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tried to guess the mileage from the aid stations but I
didn’t read the race details that thoroughly so I had no idea, (race details
make me nervous- and I prefer to just run… and not over plan my race) I wasn’t
even sure where I’d put my drop bags since I hadn’t planned for drop bags in a
50k. But with option there, and my love for carrying as little as possible… I
left drop bags at 3 of the 5 places. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, the race was a blur of uphill’s, downhill’s, fields,
trees, green, rocky ,shady sunny day…. I felt good, very clear headed, pain
free and as of the last hill I lost my running buddy and passed one other guy.
I was actually confused by how well I was doing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suddenly I was at the 1&6 aid station… which meant I had
a 5k left…. WOW… that’s it… and I feel this good? I grabbed some watermelon-
managed to inhale a chunk up into my sinuses. But having relaxed into my
position in the lead I wasted more time than I should have already so as soon
as my bottle was back in my hand I took off down the road. I kept trying to
clear my sinuses since I was lucky enough to be alone. Nothing I could do
seemed to help me clear the watermelon. Once I was back onto the trail the
watermelon was less of a concern than my footing and now my legs were aching…
nothing compared to how they felt in Nevada so I mostly ignored it, but I was
intent on holding my current pace. I mean , I wasn’t “in it to win it”… but how
pissed would I be if I let it all go in the last couple miles and lost the
position…. Could I really hold a “race” in the last mile…. I’d rather not find
out.. so I kept steady. Everything moved so fast… it wasn’t till I was coming
through the finish line that I realized how totally fine I felt. What a
fantastic run, was all I thought. I had place 1<sup>st</sup> female and 3<sup>rd</sup>
overall in 4hrs 30min (and some seconds). A proud finish for sure.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the coming hours I met many many people and received more
attention than I’m used to. I put myself out there and represented myself as
best I could. I had my first “interview” (link below)…. It seemed silly but I have to admit
I loved it. I loved being recognized for doing well, because for once in my
life, I actually would agree (although I still think I need to do a lot more
hill work and build up my ankles some more, and could increase the strength
endurance a bit more and overall endurance- could still gain more) I did my
best and I did well. Did I mention what a beautiful day it was!!! I didn’t want
to leave the race, but the long drive, the warm sun and the coming fatigue
would only grow worse. So I packed up-said my goodbyes and headed home.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, there’s a lot on my mind. Whats’s next for me- in my
career? My running?... my life? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have some short races coming up and a couple weeks off
before those… I have potential… but enough? It doesn’t really matter to me, I
have found something that makes me happy to be me and that gives me enough self
confidence to take risks and make formal decisions about my life, my friends,
my intentions. So as long as Im happy, having fun and nourishing my life and
that of those around me… My life will take me where I belong. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you to many who took part in no small way this past
weekend. Much Love and Gratitude for you all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Up Next: Volunteering at Old Dominion 100miler- June 2nd<br />
Litchfield Hills Road Race- June 10<sup>th<br />
</sup>
Baltimore 10-miler – June 16<sup>th</sup><br />
Annapolis striders Fathers Day 10K-June 17<sup>th</sup></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
?????<br />
<br />
http://phdispatch.com/allstadt-harnett-win-capon-valley-50k/</div>mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-52736421517232560782012-05-14T14:32:00.000-07:002012-05-14T14:32:31.087-07:00Love Affair on Massanutten Mountain TrailsThe title just draws you in... sounds exciting like maybe this time she'll talk about something other than running....<br />
<br />
So last week I was still "down"... I was happy, rested, running...but still not totally myself. Some guidance suggested I seek becoming more involved with running, as if giving it 75% of not-working life just wasn't quite enough to keep me happy due to some social issues with being human and what not. So after realizing how right this was... I decided that I would go to MMT 100 mile trail run on Saturday evening to volunteer and hopefully pace a runner so that I could 1) pace someone who could use support 2) learn a thing or two from the people I idolize (anyone who is willing to put themselves in and through hell for a good challenege) 3) to check out the course and get in a great trail run. oh and 4) see how running on no sleep through the night felt. Not to mention I knew at least one of the runners personally and a couple others by name.<br />
<br />
So I ended up getting to mile 87.9 "picnic area" Aid Station #14 around 7:30PM, parking my car and then getting acquainted with the other volunteers. Time was moving at 3 x normal speed, before I knew it darkness had settled and the top runners were passing through. Unbelievable- these guys look like they'd done only a warm up jog and were now just getting ready to start the race. Hardly a trace of fatigue worn on their face or body despite how they may have felt internally. The top female came through also looking fresh, the only sign of a tough run was the longer hair made the sweat from the near 90degree temps early that day visible. She was smiling up a storm for every photo opp. An hour or so, maybe more, though it felt like mere minutes sitting by the campfire talking about running with crew members hanging around for short periods until their runner would check in- and out of the aid station and they'd move out to meet them at the next, David came through. I was already aware of his placement and pace from the other volunteers who kept an eye on the web postings. I knew he was having a good day, so he wouldnt need nor would he want a pacer. He would finish the race with time to spare to make his goal, but still I asked to be sure. He said he was good and off he went. (He finished in 23:32- goal well completed :)). I knew I should sleep for a few hours and pick up a runner later, but I wanted to hit the course so badly, sleep was not an option. Again time passed quickly. Runners in/ runners out. Steve came in around 2:30AM on Sunday, No green dot on his Race number... and no pacer in sight... this meant he wasn't taking part in the Solo race but was clearly doing this on his own- no crew- no pacer....but he looked mentally tired, so I asked if he'd like some company. His eyes actually brightened up a bit.<br />
<br />
Off down the dark single track techinical trail we jogged. for the first hour we chatted and kept pushing. The ups and downs were mild but continuous, nothing flat. I was trying to watch my own footing and watch for the flourscent markers to keep my runner on track. I missed one. Damn! I thought and I sprinted back to find the course, luckily Steve and another runner who'd missed the turn had only gone about 2 minutes in the wrong direction. Back on course- the trail began to ascend, gradually, but at 90miles into a run, it doesnt matter much.... up hurts and up steeper hurts more. I felt empathy for the runners as my legs were nearly fresh and I sprung from rock to rock. I was noticably tired though not from running. I tripped often. I am a Strong trail runner because of good proprioception (from years of gymnastics) and strong ankles- but I felt like an amateur in my trail shoes. I've never run trails with anything that clunky before (minimalist on every surface)... I wasn't able to blame it only on being tired, the shoes, the lack of experience with a headlamp... I wasn't sure which or if all made the difference but I was struggling more often than I'd like to admit to keep my footing stable. I must have turned my ankles 5 times each- i mean enough to take most ppl down.... but I was intent... I'd not fall, or draw of my runner's attention toward my experience, I was meant to be support, to minimalize the anxiety of the mind as it screams louder and louder "STOP running you idiot and go to sleep... NO one is around, just REST, you can't take ONE more step, STOP trying!" (or atleast this is what my mind yells under such conditions -20+ hours into a run on significant hiking trails... (not that I'd honestly even know... yet)). <br />
<br />
My runner was getting desperate. The climbing was a continual frustration, "I'm so sick of climbing" he would say as he pushed onward and the downhills were continually painfully as your feet fall over and over again on fatigued muscles, jolting the body with X times your body weight over and over and over. <br />
<br />
At the next aid station somewhere around 4:45am I made sure my runner got everything he wanted to eat/ drink. I almost forgot that despite the temperature and pace, I was doing significant work and should eat too. Despite my sickening sweet tooth during my day to day life, on the trail I hate the thought of sugar, some chex mix and a couple tortilla chips were perfect. My runner was up on his feet again, I asked him if he was ready, "ready to go to bed" he replied; I smiled and said, "Nah You look ready to RUN... lets move." (Never let an endurance athlete rest too long - many exceptions to this rule, but generally, if the mind settles into the rest, its a lot of effort and sometimes nearly impossible to get moving again.)<br />
<br />
As we headed upward, knowing this would be the last BIG climb, I tried to think of supportive commentary. Unfortunatly I've never had much support out the course of almost any races since college 5/6K races, I love cowbells when I'm out running more than any spoken words. For me, hearing that I still look strong, helps me the most, because when my mind is fatiguing and my body hurts, I start to feel like Im collapsing inward. If it doesn't look that way to anyone else- then it's just in my head, which means I've got A LOT more to give... So I fed him what I could honestly; Telling him thjat he was holding a great cadence and to just keep up that rhythm, he looked strong enough to climb this mountain 3 times over. Besides that, we ran/ hiked up and up. I remembered for the 1st time in years a high school running shirt which we had chosen to quote the movie "The Matrix": "There is No Spoon" to which we used to say upon running up hills.... the idea being of course that the limits we set are soley in perception of the mind.... aka... if you shut up the mind... the body can in fact handle that climb many times over. So I shared this little story as we began to descend at about 5:20am. The rest of the race, although 3+ miles over the 100mile marker, would be essentially negative gain... so downhill/ flat. Once out of the woods dawn was well upon us, the pace picked up. My runner asked me, as he had a few other times throughout... how far till... (this time "till the finish") do ya think?." Having never been here before and I had basically no idea as our pace varied from 8 min/mile pace to 22min/ mile pace... so What would I want to hear?....5k... so 5k it was... thats what I said we had left, even though I was pretty sure it was closer to 4.5 miles...3.1 sounded much more doable. We Took OFF... bounding down the road at my comfortable run pace, roughly 7:55 per mile.... I was totally inspired... how does any one do that after 101miles of running.... but he just kept running. After running this pace for about 22 min, he began to falter a little, but only two 15 second walk breaks were needed to get him rolling again. The last rolling hill was less than a mile from the finish... but I wouldnt have known that for sure, but we got up that. Zipping through a stretch of woods and across one of two bridges, the sound of the finish was audible and the yellow markings appeared, I patted my runner on the shoulder and said, "Thats all You... take it home." And he ran to a 26:43 Finish. <br />
<br />
I was embarrassed by how sleepy I was, The runners all were so elated (though many at this time that I'm talking about and or with had slept for an hour or two and showered) and talkative and I was barely awake at 7am...I ate some breakfast and Listened as intently as I was able to David talking about his run and the course and his pre-race stressors. By 8am I was freezing. I was provided a warm-up suit that combined with a cup of hot coffee made the lack of sleep and the chill much easier to manage without complaint, which among this crowd I felt as if, unless i started to have a serious medical issue, nothing I could think to whine about could compare to what they had just endured. <br />
<br />
I took part briefly in a few conversations but felt too sleepy to really be attentive enough to socialize. Around 10am David drove me back to my Aid station (10mi), for which I am extraordinarily grateful for... I figured before he'd offered that I'd have 10 more miles on my own to run...so it was a pleasant surprise. Though I still feel midly guilty for taking a finisher away from the finishers crowd for an out and back drive of 20miles on a dirt road after running for 24 hrs... :/... But Thank You again!<br />
<br />
Of course when I got back there was only 5 more runners that needed to come through before the 11am cut off, 2 made it... 3 did not. Everyone cleaned up so fast, I didnt feel all that helpful. I think I mostly helped by eating - so there was less to clean up :). Only a few minutes later another volunteer, Charlie, said he was headed out for a run. The early morning grey clouds had broken to a gorgeous sunny day, and everything was so green. So naturally I told my sleepy mind to shut up... since I almost never had the chance to be out on a trail.... and I wanted to see more of the course. Off we went for another 90+ mintues of running. It was an amazingly beautiful out and back that wrapped up the weekend in a cozy blanket made of moments only found by few but sought by many for the beauty, the joy, the purity and the wisdom. <br />
<br />
Needless to say, I'm in love with trail running- I feel re-connected via my mind, my body, my soul and my existence ... all energy channels re-opened and flowing. I know, to many, sometimes to myself, this sounds hokey.... but I have no other words to describe it... So I borrow these and try to share my joy with you. <3<br />
<br />
Run Capon 50K next Saturday 5/19/12, aka TRAIL RUN <3 <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245734992119999476.post-16606568354681174592012-05-07T13:48:00.002-07:002012-05-07T13:48:33.269-07:00Pittsburgh Marathon 5/6/12Somtimes an "ultra" marathon is quite literal- like literally running 50 miles, but sometimes it has almost nothing to do with miles you cover on your feet but more the taxing on your mind. My trip out to Pittsburgh, PA was an "ultra" race even though I only ran 26.2 miles.<br />
<br />
Since my NV expedition and the completion of my first 50 miler ultra I have been "recovering"- running about 35-45 miles/ week, biking 50miles, swimming 3 miles and yoga 4-6 days a week, however I also added in some new weight training to see if I could start to balance out the ridiculous inconsistency between my L and R leg muscles. Although extraordinarily fatigued and dragging a bit through work, and my diet getting tossed to S*%*... I was able to keep training. I'm not quite as dumb as I act however and presumed that running a marathon 2 weeks s/p 50miles wasn't really the most ideal plan for a good recovery. But I had paid already, had a place to sleep there and Megabus could get me there from D.C. in 6 hrs for 44 dollars round trip.<br />
<br />
So I prepared as best as I could, slept and ate and what not. It'd be fine... a smooth transition back into long distance, or so I hoped. <br />
<br />
So physically I consider myself 85% recovered: the weird pains in my foot/ ankle continue but are NOT getting worse, so as far as I can judge- Im fine to continue. My cardio endurance is stronger than ever, but my quads/ hams hit fatigue around 11 miles. I'd have to throttle back, take this 26.2 easy and just let my body heal... this was the plan anyway.<br />
<br />
Mentally, I was all messed up. Running is just running to many, a form of exercise, perhaps a form of torture. A fewer number find the joy in it. An even fewer number persue this joy. And even fewer than that persue this joy at all costs- driven by something, that cannot be explained by psychology as anything less than obsessive or addicted, but I'd like to hope its the drive to explore.... much like any other research on the human body. But when you have this Drive... it seperates you from many of our human 'pleasures.' Suddenly you feel like you're in a class all of your own and you either intimidate or bore others. Or perhaps its a disconnect from lack of understanding. But as runner- you bond with runners or endurance junkies with the same goals and intentions. You get ripped away from the bar scenes, the house parties, the restaurant meals and television shows your friends enjoy and seem to expect you to, at very least know what they are talking about. But slowly, but surely, you have no idea... the TV hasnt been on in a week or two, you're pulled from parties and meals by your need to maintain health and efficiency in order to keep going.<br />
<br />
My 50miler was more taxing than I'd imagined- not physically... in fact physically I was less ravaged that I expected... but mentally/ emotionally I was raw. I have "I want my mommy" syndrome (or im calling it such- because that how it feels). I suddenly have this incestant need for hugs and human compassion that I've honestly never dealt with before. The first friday after my run I had the chance to see an enitre group of people I adore and felt safe with all of whom offered up hugs at no cost. Glorious, I thought....yes, I actually believed that this would "cure" my new syndrome. But it only lasted a short period. I had gained a new awareness of my own weaknesses and I want the feelings to go away, because they are unpleasant... but finding I need to feel my way through this or possibly re-evaluate my life to somehow meet this new need atop meeting the others is somewhat overwhelming to me. So naturally- I ignored the issue and continued onward.<br />
<br />
Friday- pre PITT... I sort of overbooked my day, nothing out of the usual, except my mentality was ... "weak." "I want my mommy syndrome" was taking over my attitude and my perspective. I even called my mommy (haha) who was too busy to deal with my drama at the time. I drudged through the day hanging somewhere between myself and my 5yr old lonliness. Around 6pm the steady flow of the busy day came to a HALT. I didn't know what to do, and instead of remaining calm... although thinking calmly, I proceeded to cry. Long story short- my syndrome was not cured by this release- another hope/ belief I had.<br />
<br />
Sat- pre PITT... Ok cab is here at 4:32am.. perfect... got to BmorePenn at 4:54 for $20... plenty of time to buy my tickets for the 5:23 train.... WRONG... despite my preparing I'd read online incorrectly- the first train out would leave at 6:10 (getting me to D.C. 13 min after my bus would leave). I remained calm, and discussed this with the information guy... who proceeded to pleasantly tell me, "I have no idea what you can do... a taxi but it'd be a lot of money (short pause) dont you have a friend or a boyfriend... you Must have a boyfriend who could drive you..., I mean I would drive you....." I turned toward the door as his somewhat sweet and somehow gut tearing words created a flood of tears.<br />
<br />
I had messed up.... I wasn't sure if by not having asked for help sooner and not utilizing the friends I do have, or not having enough friends, or by not having a boyfriend- as stupid as that seemed.... but I was now standing alone in the dark in Baltimore shaking with anger and crying out my frustration figuring since there was NO ONE to hear me/ judge me I might as well. Long story short....a $100 dollar cab ride, gifted to me by a very kind cabbie.... we got me to Union station and onto my bus... where I slept and sobbed like shiftwork until about 10am... arriving in Pittsburgh at 12:00 and hitting up the Health and fitness EXPO - A giant running fair with free food samples and cool stuff I won't pay for :)- most importantly running ppl to talk to!<br />
<br />
Then Anthony picked me up and we headed back to his place where we relaxed all day till dinner time @ 7pm a sufficient pub/ restaurant with Bobbie and her family. I was in bed by 9:30... and by now was so emotionally drained and just grateful to have a bed to sleep in. I decided while placing my things for the morning, that despite the internal pull to race and mental pull to rest... I would in fact forget about racing the course and just RUN... go strictly off feeling mile by mile, step by step.<br />
<br />
Marathon time! Still on empty emotionally, it seemed everything "touching" made me well up with tears.... I really had no idea what gave me the idea that I could run... but here I was... jogging through the starting line, I even decided to start my watch last minute- as if the time might matter somehow.The crowd was pleasant, thick but mobile at all times clearing plenty by mile 3 to run whereever on the road you'd like. The Cheering squads surrounding the course and music were loud and enthusiatic- all very uplifting. I was warm by mile 3 and removed my long sleeve shirt which would now work as a paper towel/ sweat rag for the remainder of the run. Miles ticked by uneventfully with runs over the various bridges; up and down, up and down, I was having fun, but holding back, I could already feel the fatigue....Miles 10-13 were excrutiating for me, My legs were tired, not painful, just heavy, and my mind was weak. The idea of stopping with the half-marathoners seemed so enticing... and then the back-lash of my own mind , "How could you think like that? You want to be ultra-runner and you can't stomach a lil 26 mi training run? Some runner you are..." <=My mind can be very cruel....<br />
<br />
Anyway sometime after mile 14 after talking myself down enough to feel like absolute garbage another female and I took turns running in front of and behind one another. I couldn't tell if she was being competitive.... i purposefully tried not to be... she would surge up the hills that I would hold steady on and I would take the down hills stronger and our flat pace seemed pretty much in check... somewhere around 17 miles... we must have done this about 5 times now, and one time she gained a few hundred yrds on me while i gnawed on a power bar chunk from the volunteers. And then it hit me, that she WAS racing, which of course meant - generally in the psyche of a runner you can only come back after being beaten so many times before you let it rest... and one runner or the other moves on alone. So my competitve nature kicked in- just a little ...and took it a little bit harder, I never saw her again, and even kept looking back. I mean having someone to pace with makes it easier.... and as the miles continue and the Spring sunshine keeps pouring down on the open road... the distraction would have been welcomed, but oh well, it was a nice boost for my ego.<br />
<br />
The next few miles were a blur of restablishing myself as a runner- I could feel my gait falling apart and I'd pull it back together. I new I was holding back, but I certainly wasn't having the relaxing run I was "suppose" to... so running with poor form was the key to getting hurt- so I focused harder to maintina alignment and control of my footing and my legs during the ariel phase of my gait ( a common place to lose focus and strain joints and tendons). I kept checking in with my body... my legs were tired, but no pain to be found anywhere... in fact my stride was perfectly rhythmic and cheering ppl on the sideline even commented on it. I felt good, like a training run... but more thirsty :) as I was adjusting the the warmer weather. <br />
<br />
Miles 20-26.2 took a bit more coaxing... reminding myself of my longer runs where'd Id felt much much worse.... and then at 22... there is was: the massive downhill I'd been told about... just over 1/2 mi of downhill... which is painful that many miles in, the pounding is jarring and your muscles start screaming... but hell, gravity is doing a lot of the work... and you can turn your 7:50 pace into a 6:20 pace like nothin'... so I did as suggested and took it all the way through the downhill and once it leveled off the pain set in... just over 5K to go. I thought back to the last painful 5K of my 50 miler and decided to run faster.... cuz comparitvely... I felt fresh!<br />
<br />
As I presumed the last little bit was uphill... race directors love that... me, i think it's sort of cruel... but whatever... you run the course right? so I surged up and kicked in strong, but certainly not sprinting... after all its a marathon.... whats a few seconds in a training run, but 3:25:16 ticking....even though I knew my chip time was 2min faster I didnt want to see the 3:26 pop up... so I finished sometime before that occurred. Still feeling good.... tighter than I'd expected in my hip flexors... but otherwise good to run more... grabbed my medal and photo, a banana, one bite of a bagel and three bottles of water.\I grabbed my things from bag-check and did my usual post long run yoga routine and got all the kinks out.<br />
<br />
I jogged around the city finding a set location Anthony could come get me as he had to dodge all the road blocks... got home rinsed off and grabbed some grub... portabello panini with a side salad and Founder's Pal Ale.... I was Very happy. Finished up there and I was transported back downtown and found my bus stop with 45 min to spare so I stopped into "Sharper Egde" and had beer #2... Paulaner Hefeweizen (my absolute favorite) and had a nice chat with another runner who resides in P-burgh. <br />
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LOOONG bus trip back with a V8 and bag of beef jerky (not much real food at the rest stop... so i went for veggies protein and iron- better than the combo's that seemed enticing.<br />
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I was so unbelieavbly grateful to have Dave there to pick me up... I wanted to be home so badly. And soon enough I was, the Race was over...amen.<br />
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Overall... Strange, gut wrenching mind twisting weekend, with a rather awesome long run and some great friends to help hold the edges together for me. PA is check! some 40 other states to go... haha.<br />
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2 weeks till Run Capon 50K<= TRAILS!!!!! SO EXCITED!<3<br />mxgxc6http://www.blogger.com/profile/03621198021532670742noreply@blogger.com0