Status Post My 50 mile Labor of Love

Firstly, in Case you don't read all the way to the Bottom: 

A special Thank You to The 6^th Branch for allowing me to share my personal achievement with them in a way that I hope benefits many more than I could ever help on my own. I truly adore each of you, and the work that you do. Thank you for letting me be a part of it all! <3

  

I knew when I signed up for a 50 mile run it wasn’t going to be easy.  But after all of the training and the ridiculous amount of time and effort I put forth for 25 weeks endlessly pushing onward including 1 x half marathon, 3 x full marathon, 3 x 50k one of which was extended to  a 40 mile training run…. Well lets just say I was presumably more than ready for the distance.

Going into this as of December 1^st, 2011 my fears included:
#1: failure to finish #2: failure to reach the start line due to injury #3:Failure to create an event/ journey that would mean something more than just that I completed a 50 mile run.

My Fears as of April 20^th, 2012:

#1: Failure to maintain my body temperature #2: Failure to maintain nutritional/ e’lyte intake sufficient for the task at hand #3: Failure to finish/ failure to complete the journey I’d made so public and shared with so many in so many different ways. #4: To come home injured or worse to have had my 1st 50miler also be my last.

On April 20^th I went for an easy 30min jog on the Vegas strip to get just a touch of what the heat would feel like…. After this run I was officially frightened of what I’d gotten myself into…. In 30 min I was parched, and could feel the effects of the sun on my skin…. How in the world I survive more than 10 times as much? I didn’t know, but everyone I sought advice from- 2 ultra runners, 1 father, and two other running friends offered me sound supportive advice: #1: hydrate/ e’lyte, #2: Follow you nutrition plan- no matter what #3: Listen to your body, and #4: You always worry, but I know you’re ready, you will be fine.

With these last words of advice among the other tidbits of advice including a hat, glide for chafing, 50spf sunscreen, a 20oz handheld bottle, goji berries and chia seeds on hand.  I was as ready as I could possibly be…. Would it be enough?

After talking Caitlin into getting up to take Pre-run photos for me at 5am… I hit the road heading away from Vegas into the gorgeous canyons. The sunrise was only beginning as arrived at the race area around 6am and as I drove my hopes of a cooler than planned day began to grow as the temperature dropped from 73 to 52 degrees, suddenly I was wondering if I’d be warm enough (but assumed the sun would heat things up, and fast).

I Parked the car at the lot 2 mi down the road and got shuttled up to the start/finish area where I placed my drop bags in the given “Mid-way(5.5mi)” and “Sky Ranch (11mi)” marked areas. And then went digging through my bag for anything warm… I had my hand warmers, gloves, and WOW… a camping blanket- (when did I figure out how to be so prepared?) So now I was cozy. Within 10 min, the sun had risen another 15 degrees  raising the temperature...in the sun at least, enough to pull one sleeve of my jacket off enough to rub on my spf 50 … once I thought I was good to go, it was warm enough to lose the camping blanket and the gloves. It was beautiful in the sun, with just enough breeze to cause goose bumps.  I felt good and had met a few other runners most were ½ marathoners/ marathoners, but one was a 50 miler who had only attempted one other 50, and had a 100 in July, so he was really hoping to “get it right” this time.  He made me feel comfy and scared all at once. As much as I didn’t really know what I was doing , I was pretty confident I Could do it.

Loop #1(0-22mi: 3:15): Next thing I know I’m running a comfy 9min mile pace with Rudy- a long time ultra-runner with a lot of experience, wisdom, advice and just some great stories. I picked his brain for all that I could in those first 3 hours. He kept me calm, slowed enough and made the fact that I’d apparently been running uphill for 5 miles out-followed by a 1mi steeply declining hill and then 5 more miles of slowly climbing hill to bring us to the turn around seem totally doable. On the way back (out and back so if it wasn’t clear this is now 5mi downhill with 1 mi steep uphill, followed by 5 more miles downhill) we continued our steady pace. The temperature was beginning to climb as we neared 10am. I had the mental idea that I wanted to keep a calm pace, but move as swiftly as I could to get more milage out of the way before noon.  The constant downhill eventually took me as I began to separate from Rudy. I was hoping I’d slow up or he’d catch me as the company made quite a bit of difference.

Loop #2 (22-44mi: 4:25) : Headed back up hill…. (Did I really run this last time… OMG- I mean seriously... I did this 3 hours ago?… I was so caught up in Rudy’s stories and our conversations I hadn’t even truly realized that yes… this is literally all climbing hill… ughh… I caught up to the number one 100 mile Female and just as I did we shared a greeting and then she dodged to the side of the trail to vomit. For the first time it occurred to me I was doing well.. so far.

The Climbing just went on and on, by 3mi back out I felt fine, except my quads begging me to break stride. Each water stop they received their wish as my pace paused and then moving again was refreshing…. Or had been until then. Now I saw the number one 100 miler and he was hiking it… I took a walk break…. And then kept running….. but the pain had gone from a dull ache to screaming with every impact. I hadn’t dealt with it much yet so I was able to pull through and just slow my pace, I was determined to make it to the Long downhill of “Recovery”-> or so my naïve mind thought.

I ran that whole downhill, it felt so good to get the breeze going and feel like I was running again… at the base of the hill was Mid-point check in. I grabbed some snacks and refilled my bottle. The comments began …”you’re leading the pack” “You’re killing it”…. My thoughts: I’m 27.5 miles in….and I’m pretty sure this course is Killing Me…. But thank you for your kindness- hope its enough to keep me in this game.

And off I went for the next 5 mile uphill….jog/walk… I kept trying, I mean constantly battling my mind to let me suck up the pain and run, but I was slowed to a walk. I tried to manage run 4/ walk 1 and that failed, I walked 5min and then got up enough…..whatever it is… to run to the next mile marker. With the same constant effort… and excruciating fail after fail after fail…At a water stop 1.5 miles away from checkpoint a very nice couple of women commented on how hot it was, all I managed was, “Yup, it’s getting hotter still….but if it wasn’t a challenge I’d be bored.” I made it to checkpoint- Mile 33.

Race Volunteer (on bike) “Meg, you’re flying out there, you’ve got ½ mi on everyone, 1 or 2 miles on the next 50miler”

Me “Thank you, but I’m not sure about flying, pretty sure I just walked the last 4 miles”

Race Volunteer (on bike) “Well, then you’re walking fast, keep it up”

I again grabbed food, ginger, heed, thanked the volunteers for their support and headed back out prepping myself to push my mind harder…. After all its 11 mi downhill with a little hike in the middle…. I GOT this… right? 

NOT A CHANCE.

The next 11mi was the same constant strain as the last 5 had been. Yes gravity was definitely helping to pull me along but dealing with more than 1 mi at a time was nearly impossible for me. The being totally alone was the most excruciating part, I kept looking back for anyone else headed my way. The ppl headed on the outbound side were hurting just as bad as I was and nice cordial greeting was often the best we could do, at time it seemed just the nod of the head in acknowledging one another’s efforts was all we had. 

I saw one 100miler camped out sitting under a bush in the shade….I was so jealous! Haha, he had the right idea! By now the extra water stops had been sucked dry. The heat of the day shining down was maxed out at 95ish… but the heat coming off the pavement started to make you feel like you’re running in an oven.

(As I write this now I feel I’m missing so much…. There was so much thought and consideration to each and every sip, each electrolyte tab, each running step knowing that increasing energy meant increasing body temp, meant burning out faster……I don’t know how to judge something like that…. I’ve never had to…..).

Anyway as I hike the mile climb for the final time, I actually sat down for 30 seconds and stretched my legs before continuing onward, again- hoping that if I slow up enough, at least I wouldn’t be alone (probably just my mind’s excuse for weakening… but it made sense at the time… I wasn’t sure I could make it on my own… I’d never been this uncomfortable).

The next 5 miles would prove the hardest stretch of the course… as It stretched downhill, the temperature was at its peak- or so it felt… I was still fighting to run… afterall I’m a runner right? Not a walker…. How could I be so weak? I’ve felt much worse than this and still kept running before… I mean I felt Really good, hot yes, tired, of course, but nothing I couldn’t run 20 more miles on…. But when I tried to move my legs it felt like I was peeling the skin off my quads, raw, tight pain… the pain of muscle fatigue. The heat mixed with long up and the long downs had wasted my leg muscles through and through… didn’t much matter if you could still do cartwheels with my internal energy gauge, my legs weren’t going to go any faster.

I brought to mind all the reasons I run (not walk) and I tried my hardest to get back into the rhythm as walking was beginning to hurt almost as bad… my general rule is “if it hurts as much to walk as it does to run, you might as well run.” Believe it or not this did help and I was running a bit more.

About 41 miles in a car with someone hauling things out of the back was on the side of the road… I had about 3 sips of warm HEED left so I figured I could at least ask for water…. He had only ice (which would be water in NO time… so we filled my bottle and he handed me a chunk of ice). At first I didn’t know what to do with it, then common sense kicked in, I placed the chunk of ice inside my sports bra right over my heart… (from past experience I was a little concerned I’d shock my heart, but the idea of dropping my core temp sounded SO good). I felt good… for about 5 min I was running under 8 min mile, running… like actually striding a little bit….felt so good, but the ice melted and within what felt like only moments the fatigue was back.  

Checkpoint was visible- this would be the last time I’d have to see the finish line without stopping.

I Grabbed more ginger, and my second bag of chips (the salt is amazing… and the bag takes me about 2miles to get down). And as I was about to head out… PEOPLE!!

The 100miler #1 guy (who was previously the #2 guy) was caught up to me.

Competitive Meg was like “Man, you slowed down a lot, L”… but I didn’t care… I had company for the last 3 mi hike!!!! Like Christmas morning! Only I couldn’t seem to express the joy, I kinda wanted to cry. lol!

Loop #3: (44-50!: 0:52min): We headed up the trek, both attempting to pull one another on running stretches of 100-200 yards… and both barely  holding on. I’d cut my walk pace to chat… but once we finished the conversational piece he jogged and I held my steady speed walk… I knew damn well at this point I could walk 4.3-4.5mph and only run 5.6-6mph up these hills and for the cost in pain and fatigue… I was better off walking. So I did, after about a mile of trying , I quit Trying and JUST walked. I was humiliated and angry with myself both enough to Keep me pushing as hard as I could go.

At some point the #1 100miler caught me again and said “You walk really fast” I concurred and said, “trust me this hurts pretty bad too… but I’m 4mi out now…. What have I got to Lose.” I tagged the sign for my turn around, grabbed one more water stop and pushed it….Those last three miles were a struggle, as the last 20 had been… but I pushed. I walked, I ran, I kept moving. Every time I walked something internal forced me back into a run, that would become a jog and then a shuffle until it was again a walk and this cycle repeated and repeated till the very highlight of my race.

With less than a mile between myself and the finish like, I could see the main road, as I’d been able to for the past mile…. But I knew I was close enough to the finish- I had to run…. Just then bounding along beside me was the most flamboyant guy I’d ever met,

(please imagine this convo in the most flamboyant voice)

FG: “HI!, Are you finishing right now?”

Meg: Yea

FG: “Omg… how far did you run today”

Meg: “50 miles”

FG: “Woooow, that’s amazing. You get it Girl!”

And with that he speeds off ahead ….yes bounding a nice fresh 6:30 pace I’d guess in the shortest short I’d ever seen, topless, with his hair in a little pony tail with the cutest headband. And honestly all I could I think was, “I want my legs to move like that… NOW”

So I took everything else I had and I ran, not jogged, I RAN. I replayed the finishes of authors of ultra-books and Friends who have mustered up sub 7min miles at the end of 100 mile races and what not and I just kept moving. Every 10 steps or so it was a new neural connection screaming… WALK!, that I chose to ignore. Somewhere still planning one last walk break before jogging in like a rockstar… but I couldn’t bring myself to stop that close to the end. So I ran up the hill/ small incline to the finish line.\

Behind my sunglasses the tears welled in my eyes, the pain was more than I’ve endured in quite some time. My pride had been devoured by the days efforts. I’d won, I was #1 in the 50mile race and managed to run sub 9 hrs, my original goal at the very beginning of this journey. 8hrs 32 minutes. So why did I feel so…. Sad?

I’d given it everything, it took everything? Didn’t it….. couldn’t I have done better? How could a runner, walk THAT much… I know deep down, that I can be better…. Or at least I had thought I could be….. But I guess that’s up to the future now. 

All in All It was a great experience and I am in fact proud of the accomplishment.

In Hindsight:

#1) I successfully managed my fluids, electrolytes and nutrition… certainly room for improvement but thrilled nonetheless.

#2) when applying sunscreen… Do not forget your neck….dumb mistake

#3) companionship on a really tough journey can make or break your attitude, which when you’re legs are done…. Its your heart is all you run with… nothing else matters.

#4) Thank you to Rich, Dave, Ryan, Cate, Alvaro, Caitlin, Rachael, Allison, Dallas, Beth, Robin, David, Mosi, Marc, Jess, Frank, Everette, Jim, Linda, Gina, Ali, Jen, The Genest Family, The Cicalese Family, My family Bren, Megan, Barb, Joe and Stella (at 96 she's still an inspiration!), members of MCVET Back on My Feet,  John Gibb (RIP), Nicole Boice (RIP),  and the many others who have touched my life, your kind words and presence in my life were the only things that made me able to make it to the finish line.

I could say more and more… as 8 hrs is quite a bit of time to think…. But this is enough.

I am not Done, there will be more….

4/19/12 The Flight and Pre Race commentary

PRE RUN:

At least in the past some of my best writing has come out of my travel time, since you end up with a LOT of timing sitting on your ass thinking about various things while  you hardly secretly people watch all of the people are you.

So, today is Thursday 4/19 of the 25^th week of training. My last three weeks have been severely tapered with extensive recovery… or so I feel. Really I just followed the plan. The only time I didn’t follow the plan was about 4 weeks ago at my last 50K in my long stretch of heavy training weeks. I was so inspired by the 50miler-100K -100mile runners, especially after successfully running 8min pace consistently at Rock n Roll Marathon on March 17^th… I just sort of had the idea, that maybe, just maybe I could push it…ya know… see what I could handle.

Great Idea right?… and I found out I can hold 8min miles for 31 miles … even better. So why was this a poor decision??

Because I let my pride guide my race... My body had already given me the warning signs of persistent fatigue. In fact the night before the NJ ultrafest I was barely able to eat I was so exhausted I felt awful… I was in bed by 7:30….. and I snored (as per my roomie- Frank)… I only snore when something is physiologically off. I should have been more concerned, but my legs felt ok so onward I charged.

I only snore- for the record, when I’m sick… when I enter a coma like sleep for body’s immediate shut down and recharge…. I certainly don’t pretend to understand it but I do know this to be true, and in hind site, perhaps this is a good (and somewhat amusing) warning sign.

Injury rarely occurs from overtraining …. But rather from under-resting:

1)    Fatigue

2)    Aches that aren’t recovering

3)    When EVERYONE starts saying “You need to rest more”… even ppl you barely know and suddenly seems like the Universe has teamed up to TRY anything to get you to listen.

4)    Then the stuff that I don’t experience but you may: weight loss, change in appetite, insomnia, inability to stay asleep,

5)    Physiological signs like : elevated resting heart rate, or higher that usual heart rate at the same pace.

6)    Pain- DUH…. Stop now.. save yourself the trouble… ICE, NSAID, ELEVATE, Support.

So what about this REST : you can still train- cross train and even run… but that depends… are you fighting with warning signs or injury.

Warning Signs: back Down… a LOT… don’t worry so much about losing the work you’ve done… it’s still there, and unless you literally don’t move for weeks on end, you’ll probably feel better for it (I’ll give my opinion on this in a few days..s/p 50 miles!).

If your injured: TAKE the time to recover completely before you start to get back into it. Try to use other modes to keep your endurance up (swimming is great… I don’t enjoy it much, but I am very grateful for the extra 45 min a day I spend with my HR elevated as though Im running).

The flight to Vegas is amusing with everyone drinking and celebrating various engagements, anniversaries, birthdays, you name it… I’ve never truly enjoyed Vegas… but I think this time I will.

Most of my time will be spent outside the Strip @ Lovell Canyon. The first stop after my hotel room and a little time at the pool will be REI!! I’m so excited- I’m such a outdoors junky (I wont even buy anything- except a new handheld water source) but window-shopping there is fun….

I really hope I feel alright after the 50miles because I’ve changed my mind about going out in Vegas and I think I’d really like t be able to stick around the Canyon and hold out for the 100milers and just volunteer my time. But if Im wrecked- getting Home to Treasure Island for a shower and Beer (though I can buy that and bring it out with me…. Cooler needed…hmmmm…. So much to consider)…. And yes I could go back… but again everything depends… I may be close to dead energy wise….. but I hope to take this easy and enjoy my time with the other runners.

I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. It is my 1^st50 mi and it isn’t a qualifying race for Western states so there is no real reason to push it. (I hope I listen to myself on Saturday morning!)

SO Excited!, So rested…. Tired of sitting on this plane…. Haha

Don't Worry About Nothin'

This is just a quick post to express the gratitude in my heart.

 For anyone who knows me, I tend to get myself worked up about a little things. But honestly I think I'm much improved from the girl who used to wind herself so tightly she'd totally lose it with any slight deviation form "the PLAN."  I've long since learned the Plan is nice sketch, but when you add life and color to it, it resembles a kindergartner's artwork, beautiful in its own unique way but only in the eye's of those who love you (plus or minus- kinda reaching on that metaphor- but it seemed like a cute idea :p)

Seeing as I'm now One night's sleep and 1 full week away from my first Ultra-running goal of completing 50 miles; I have never been so excited. It's like the same feeling as a week before Christmas when you're little and the toy you've wanted SOSOSO badly is somewhere (you know you overheard Mom and Dad discussing its purchase... you're 99% certain its got to be there.... and 1% doubting it and fearing the disappointment.

So I'm 75% healed (randomly assigned percentage based of intuitive feeling)... In this last week I've gone through round #2 of sickness, continuing to get over poison oak/sumac/ mean plant with oils that make my skin itch.... and the aching in my 2nd metatarsal has dulled to a 0-1/10...yet it remains present, even after last weeks 24 miles trail run. Ready? Yea, I've never been more ready for anything... but that doesn't guarantee anything.

And Today's List of Moments
1) A gift when I arrived at the yoga studio, a thank you- to me... an unnecessary wonderfully pleasant surprise.

2) Having a friend come to my yoga class- (always makes me twice as nervous as a teacher- shhh) but more importantly makes me feel loved and respected (both things I innately yearn for and habitually run from). Great lessons for myself. Thank you for coming!

3) One of My beloveds told me she saves some of the positive things I say in a file on her cell phone called "megs wise advice" <= <3

4) The Sun was shining enough that I could bike in a T-shirt... my one and only fluorescent piece of workout clothing...and since Frank took me out on the roads of the Columbia Tri course for a "real" 25 mi bike ride I was grateful to have the company... NOT only company- but coaching: I think with his guidance I may almost understand shifting for hills... Still need a lot more work...
But theres not words to explain having someone bike next to you a tell you what you need to do.. and to feel the two-wheeled machine actually move without constant struggle and strain. Riding today was the closest I've been to riding a motorcycle in years and it was AMAZING... only even better, because I was working my cardio system... (Pure Joy and utter gratitude for his patience and support).

5) Throughout this ride, after this ride and even pulling up next to me at the light before diverging paths driving home after the ride, Frank's reminders "Don't worry about nothin'"

6) Coffee + fro yo with a friend its been too long since I've seen and having their presence and support and hugs.

7) The text from another friend with not only suggest running reading <3 <3 but also checking in about my upcoming race... Timing is everything, and this brought tears to my eyes, so grateful to be thought of.

8)The woman working at "EmbroidMe" who made my kick ass 6th Branch Tech-T for my run and who listened to my life story as I explained my upcoming endeavor, goals and driving forces. Just one more set of ears that heard and listened and shared positive wishes for me. Thank you!

9) Yet another friend offering my the sound advice, that YES I do know what Im doing, and Yes I am ready. And to continue to be patient and wise, the same advice  I myself shared with a friend early that day about their own fears and struggles. (Taking my own advice, utilizing my own wisdom... still requires that extra nudge from another human being).

10) And should never forget my Mom who, although she doesn't understand my running she listens intently and offers me as many phone hugs to comfort my fears as any mother could. Thank You.

SO all of this in ONE day... one beautiful day. Three times today I cried because I am so grateful and overjoyed to have any of, but luckily all of these people and many more in my life.

Knowing who I used to be, or at least recognizing my own power to hurt people and to take away joy... I am dumfounded by the Love I'm surrounded by. I can't begin to contemplate how I got to be so Blessed. But I think, I'd perfer to just say Thank You than to ever question something so Powerful and Beautiful.

So, Thank you!! (guess that wasn't that short... whoops ;).)

Integrity and "being who you say you are"

in·teg·ri·ty

   [in-teg-ri-tee] 

noun

1.

adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness ofmoral character; honesty.

2.

the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preservethe integrity of the empire.

3.

a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of aship's hull.

I am preparing to sleep tonight, at home, in CT, the temperature here is 10 degrees cooler atop Bartholomew Hill than it was at my apartment in Baltimore.  My life in the past two weeks has been, different than every other section of my training prior. However, different, does not mean that I have not been challenged in like ways before.

Everything was going well, I posted about my 50K PR with pride, joy and love in my heart. Since that time, I had been stripped of some self-worth- my own doing, naturally.

This is a pattern I struggle with, as a human, this is my battle, this is what makes me a warrior. It is also what cripples me. I can move from totally together, to falling apart. My intent was not let anyone take my trust, as it leaves one vulnerable to abuse and emotional loss. Something that is a PART of life we must all cope with. However,  coping- is my weakness. I knew better than to let my stability within myself be shared because I haven't yet figured out how to re-stabilize  after even the lowest grade of "earthquake."

So there it was, everything going smoothly. And The Earthquake came. No big deal I firmly decided. And logically, it wasn't. Unfortunatly logic does not rule the mind nor the emotion. And in reality, was it "no big deal"? Where was the fault? Was there fault? How can I be blamed for being who I am? Or perhaps I am wrong to have pride in who I am? That, becomes the question. Afterall, we are all faulty, all quirky, abnormal... correct?

So where's the running, my post is about running- although I never did proclaim it to be so.

Well, my running crashed with my psyche. Afterall, If I am NOT who I think I am, then What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Despite my clear intent to explore the human boundaries we mentally place on ourselves, to establish a sort of freedom  and to share this freedom, this sense of well- being with as many ppl as humanly possible.... I know my intent. I know who I am. Layer by Layer I have dissected and examined.... but did I miss something? Had I changed? Who am I Sharing with the world?

This process of re-examining my being, takes more than running an ultra- or atleast a 50K since thats all the experience I have thus far.

My runs SUCKED these past two weeks... I mean, we're talking dropping to paces I can usually speed-walk at, and  just overall fatigue. SO I pulled back, dropped the milage, took some more time for me. 

I cancelled my goal of racing at the Cherry Blossom 10 miler and just had fun running with Jenn as she re-entered the racing world after her own personal battle. And she did wonderfully. I am so blessed to have shared that with her, and Hope she knows how bless I feel, because my attitude that day was disappointing. I was stressed, cold, and probably quite frustrating, as I've been to many. My deepest apologies. I have hit my limit. 

But with less than 3 weeks until my Labor of Love... A true and honest labor of love that I have chosen to take part it to honor my friends of the The 6th branch and all of the men and women their work represents. ... I MUST rest or risk actually breaking down.

The balance has become very thin. Rest is essential this last couple weeks... but I must Try not to lose muscle as the fatigue I've dealt with has cut my hill and strength training already. And my endurance... 4 mo. of building.... to have one week too long recovery before a run like this... 

I will finish either way (with the exception of medical error)...but I am ready for a 50 mi run in 1 week... which is 1 week early. So I have one LAST long run >15 mi.  to get in, there was two scheduled, but this run is essential for my body- but more so for my mind....

Can I do this, and still continue on in my recovery- injury free, because at this moment, the pain is dulled, but I am aware of its every nerve relay. 

My self-doubt pains me. And because I entrusted a piece of this fear in private, against my intelligence of self, that piece was taken from me or in some other perspective- I willingly gave it away. 

I Need My Integrity. I Need to be whole. And I need to be who I say that I am, who I believe that I am. 

For my faults I am deeply sorry. But I am a runner, and I will continue to run because I believe that there is a purpose behind my efforts, a purpose on my life journey that I will follow to its end, wherever that may lie. But a man once saved my life, actually a father and a son- two men, saved my life, and in their honor I will fight to save others or at least, within my means, to make whomever's life I touch, more wholesome.

This is Me, whether I run 5 mi tomorrow or 25mi.... I will be ok, because you have believed in me so strongly, that I have grown to believe in myself. And this faith, provided by you ALL... is the only thing holding me together. This is what must heal me in 2 weeks time. 

Much Love and Respect. <3

14 days to Labor of Love 50 mile run

NJ Ultrafest 2012- 50K

Well, where to start this story. I guess starting around Wednesday I was totally wiped out, but naturally as I always do, I pushed through my workouts and got everything in. I even managed to run with the MCVET Back on My Feet crew and meet some awesome people. By the end of that day I was thinking how much i wanted to up my race to the 50mile run, however, rationally this was not the best plan. Thursday was crazy, I don't remember much of the day but again I hung out with some awesome ppl and stayed up much later that my 48Hr pre-race sleep schedule should allow. By 5am on Friday I was UP and OUT to teach yoga, and then another angel fell into my lap, so I spent 45 min driving her around Baltimore bringing her back to her hotel. I barely had enough time to squeeze in my swim (where another great friend stopped me and gave me some great news- TBD) and then stop to grab fuel for my race. I got home with 35 min to pack for the night and the run and shower.

By 10:30 Frank and I were on the road to NJ. I, felt like death, I continually began to nod off, but was always interrupted by friendly conversation and out of respect and gratitude that I was NOT driving I thought I ought to stay awake. So i did. About 4 hours later we arrived at the Augusta, NJ fairgrounds for check-in/ packet pick up.

 Meeting Jim, ML and her husband we hung out and chatted for a while, checked in to meet Rick, the race director- first impression "What a jerk"... im NOT allowed to fold my bib down?!?! WTF??... but the smarter side of me was thinking, "eh, it's his gig, he put a lot of effort into this, I guess i can deal." After hanging out in the warmth of the Sun for another 45 min, off to the hotel we went. Ahhhh- bed?? Oh wait, its only 5:30... 6pm came, I felt mildly ill, weak and exhausted, presumably feverish, but knew it was important to get one more full meal in. Dinner at the Hampton Diner it was. In my less than 100% health, i wanted nothing to eat, so I got the usual- greek salad with a side of lots of bread. I ate till I was utterly bored with it and then forced a bit more in. Back at the hotel... i was in bed by 7:30, out cold by 8pm (apparently snoring- how embarrassing!!!).

Race Morning- took in more calories than usual- around 600 and then my typical coffee. Surprising to me, I felt pretty good, nothing like i had the night prior. I immediately decided to see what I COULD do. I mean, it was ultra-fest and I was running the 5K of the ultra world, a "dinky" 50 kilometers... so I had half another bar 30min pre race and an Emergen-C and just like that we were off and running. Within the first 200yrds of the race, we'd gone the wrong way and although warned fully by Rick, how STUPID it is to follow the person in front of you, we ALL did just that. So at 1.2 mi in... Rick comes running and screaming at us 50K runners to STOP STOP STOP... not something you hear often in a running race...but we Did HALT and make a 180 hooking us directly into the 10mi loop (adding .2 or so to our overall distance- negligible in my personal opinion).

I was moving fast, or felt fast, pacing with a guy who told me he was a marathon runner who agreed to a canyon run 44mi long who figured he ought to try to up the distance... he eventually took OFF... part of me thinking, cool! and part of me thinking, "no way he's gonna hold that pace."(But I wasn't even sure I could hold MY pace- who was I to judge someone else's race).

By the end of the first loop, it was nice, warm and sunny. the top 2 guys and the marathoner all gaining distance ahead of me, which was of little concern to me, since 1) personal best was all I was going for and 2) the idea of being 1st female was fun enough, i kept an eye out and made an effort to continue to gain distance ahead of the 2nd female. I dropped my long sleeve shirt and gloves at my drop bag and grabbed a Greens bar, and spent the next mile eating 300kcal, already feeling better.

The entire second loop was great, I felt strong, steady, pain free, the breeze kept the sweat drying on us runners so no one was dripping- nice to not be wearing wet clothing. The sun was shining  and overall the runners from 100mi and below looked strong. Circling along seeing the same faces, wishing one another all the best, having full understanding of how different each persons goal was today. I was grateful for every kind comment and every smile. I ran into Frank for the first and second times during this loop, low-5s as we crossed paths.

During this loop I'd somehow managed to bypass the three men in front of me and was now knowingly leading the 50K race. 21 miles down in 2:45min...I was confused, and now getting nervous as the pain began to build that I wouldnt be able to maintain. My hopes were the same: that i had created enough distance between me and female #2 that even when i did, and i expected to, burnout... i'd still walk/ crawl my way through the finish line and maybe hold onto 1st female.

Well, the whole loop hurt, I tried to stomach another bar, half way through i wrapped it up, stuck in my sports bra with the intent to try again in a few, nausea/ the literal "not want to eat" associated with pushing yourself too hard was setting in. I knew I was slowly unraveling around 24 miles, I hit the edge of my comfort zone. My left leg was heavy and then... the magic came. One the top guys I had passed was 2 mi behind me at the loop water station, he took his own time to fill my water bottle... a very very little thing, but the kindness made it all worth it. I felt completely refreshed for the next 15 min. Then the pain settled back in, mentally I knew I had roughly an hour, 6 x 10min sections... I can always run just one more mile, just 10 more mins.

Headed to the last 5K of the course I crossed Frank again, and for the first and only time our low 5 was right on, the resounding 'Smack' recognizing one anothers pain and effort gave me enough to make it my next checkpoint- the beach ball... at mile 4 and 8ish of the loop there was this beachball stuck in the mud, that for some reason signified playfulness and joy and every time I saw it I was revived. This time as well.

I was now oscillating between confidence and crumbling with every 100 yards under feet. Moving through the OMG, can I make this? to the Duh, of course you can... coming back to my sources of strength and motivation: The 6th Branch, Semper Fidelis Health and Wellness, My Catonsville runners, The ppl that inspire me and support me: Friends/ family and the people I have lost through great suffering (Nicole, John and others less personally known).... and all the people out there who have brought my life to where it is today. For All of that, Relentless Forward Progress (RFP)- ONE MORE STEP... always just one more was continually possible.

Then there it was, the end of the trail, 1 mile-ish to go... I ran into Zsuzsanna, another new running acquaintance running the 100mi, a couple loving words later I was headed up hill (the only hill in the loop)... and OMG, new muscles (aka not the exact same pounding my legs had been taking the last 8 miles of flatness) ... i took off, and carried it in. 4hr 9 min 6 seconds I had actually placed 1st. Kinda Cool, I thought.

More awesome ppl, high fives, and some food later. The day was at its end for me, and soon enough Frank too. Wishing I could stay and support the 100milers through the night, Frank shuffled me into the car as he has family to attend to back in MD... so back on the road we went.

RACE Highlights:
1) Beach ball!!
2) The woman that totally fell on her face, got up and kept going- she's awesome!!
3) one of the marathon girls had a Killer smile, that just made you feel so damn good to see someone that happy.
4) the marathoner I raced with for the first few miles, he made it! In a good deal of pain I'd say from the facial expressions we shared in the final loop, but he made it!
5) The Greens bar was amazing, best mid race meal I've had thus far.
6) Hammer's HEED being at each stop was great, but the ice cold Poland Spring water stop was like heaven!
7) oh yea, the turning around in the first mile... seeing that angry, yet clearly big hearted race director running and yelling like a bad comedy show... PRICELESS!
8) the compliments post race felt pretty good... as one the volunteers attempted to talk me into running 20 more miles for the 50mile race.
9) Frank finishing, and proclaiming how hard it was (even though he did fantastic!)
10) The Weather- yay SUN! Post race sweet potatoes and oh yea: post -race Sam Adams Alpine spring ;)...


4 weeks to Labor of Love 50 Miler!!

1 week to Cherry Blossom 10miler!!

Rock And Roll Washington D.C: 3/17/12

So, this was an unexpected addition to my racing season. Although I had already convinced myself that it was the perfect way to get my 26 miles in, I was not registered as Rock n Roll marathon series races tend to run a bit pricy than my running budget allows. Nonetheless with 4 ppl in my running family headed down for the race, I HAD to be there anyway. Then almost like a crazy gift from .... whichever version of god you'd like.... A friend called to ask me if I'd like to take someone's bib for the half-marathon. Naturally- Hell YES!... So I was put in touch with Michele <= nicest person I've never yet met... and she sent me everything I needed.
I transferred the race to the marathon distance for a small fee and then BAM.. there we go, I was In. Training run scheduled. Also- btw- it was St. Patty's Day.... so I splurged (with the $ I didnt spend on the race to buy some green stuff...lol).

Friday Pre-Race: s/p 22.5 mi run thursday night... taught some yoga that AM and just kept going all day... not enough nutrition in... and felt rather fatigued going off 3.5 hours of sleep. Already I was laughing at how I had commented the evening before on my Run that I've never had a bad race day (with the exception of some college 5Ks). Friday ended with a movie: "Wanderlust" which was quite amusing and then off to bed for 11:30... little later than I was hoping.

Saturday 4:20am.. woke up 10 min before my alarm...got prepped and walked out mind set on coffee and chewing gum, 7-11 stop and then off to catonsville to meet up with Linda, Gina, Everette and Frank for an exciting day of running!

Arrived- parked- sat around... the usual... and then good lucks and what not as I left my half marathoners and ran off to find the 3:30 pace group, with a few newer friends, Dave, Mike, Mosi all running as pacers, to run a nice long training run.

So we started running, so far so good.... I think around 4 miles the fatigue of the last 48 hrs pre-race set in, I was running tired, and hungry. My breakfast was not enough... I was already running out of glucose... So around 5 mi I had my first GU, the earliest I've ever used fuel, especially on a training run.... but my mind was set, I'd hold steady as long as I could. Looking down at my wrist to be reminded often of my Sanskrit motivational quote which reminds of those who are truly faced with the task of survival was a continuous positive reminder to Keep Moving, at any pace, because certainly, it is possible to do so.

Ran with a couple other ppl shooting for 3:30 pace... around 10 mi i felt pretty good once we got into the rolling hills and just with my internal eb and flow of pacing. I had no watch on so I'd stick to instinct as much as possible. I lost track of my newest running friend :(.

By 13.1, my body felt like i was around 18 mi... which I've felt enough now to know that even though it didnt feel good, I was ok to keep rolling. Also around here was when I finally caved and took a pit stop.... by the time I'd gotten back out and running the 3:30 group i was 45 secs ahead of, was now 20 seconds ahead of me. I didn't wanna burn myself by playing catch up too hard so I caught up over the next 3/4 of a mile. The little extra push was tough, I figured I'd play it safe and ride along with the group at 8min miles but once i got there, it felt unnatural to cut my stride, so I rolled passed them again. Sadly around 16 mi another pit stop ate about 60-90 seconds off the clock. Once again I was back with pace group and once again I kept rolling.

The heat of the day was upon us, the course had opened up to a much more planer course... in other words... long mostly flat stretches in direct sun... I was thrilled to be seeing the sun, but knew it was draining me. I'd had another GU a few miles back, but I was again running low, making it on the 25kcal of gatorade I was getting down at the water stations (thank god for the nasty stuff- sorry if you like gatorade... between gatorade and GU by the end of every race my mouth feels like I gorged on straight sugar packets ...YUCK!)

Anyway, I was still chugging along, I knew my pace was falling off a little, I was short on energy, water and totally unprepared for the suns impact. By 23mi I was counting down minutes. Knowing I had the Pacers less than a minute behind me was the best support system I've ever run with... well, kind of the only support I've ever Run with. I knew if I couldn't hold it up where I was and had to fall back, they'd keep me going with them. So I fought, as I always do to keep myself strong enough that I wouldn't actually need to use the support....plus- there was only a 5K left... I could suck up just about anything for 3.1 miles... right?

Around 25 miles, my feet started to hurt... which is actually amazing since I expected them both to be killing me by 16... so I didn't read into it much. Mile 26... 1.2 to go.... pace group is probably 20 seconds behind... Only goal was to not get "caught"... i picked up the pace as much as I was able... until the last stretch which- go figure was uphill,  and then fell into the "well, just hang on, slow and steady" mantra and bam finish line, goal complete with "I dare you to move" being played by Switchfoot- Live. Medal, food, music... Sunlight.

I'd done it, stuck to the goal... nutritionally I was *$@('d but I'd fix that over the next 24-48 H and heal up just fine.

Race Highlights:
1) Sunshiny Day!! Can't beat it!
2) Music literally every mile... saves you from the 3-6 note repetitive song playing over n over in your head And offers a cadence to keep pace to.
3) The number of ppl commenting on the pacers tutu's, the number of ppl commenting on the hat the guy next to me for miles 14-19 was wearing which by the way- i never even saw directly and can't even tell you why it was cool...
4) the band member dressed as a panda... not sure why this was better to me than the Elvis dude, but maybe I just like panda's more, anyway it lifted my mood.
5) Dave's shirt post race with blood stains over both nipples and his exclamation that it didn't really hurt (just grateful I don't have to know what that feels like)
6) Great Support from Friends  and getting to spend the day with Frank, Ev, G, Liddy couldn't be beat by much of anything... <3

And Yesterday I completed a rather tough week of training with a very pleasurable 10 mi run, 1.5 mi swim and 30 mi bike ride, most of which was great because of the getting to share it with Jim, Frank and Marc.

5 weeks till Labor of Love 50 Miler.

1 week to NJ trail 50K !!!

Seneca Creek Greenway 50K

So the last week of training was different from all the others thus far. Instead of putting in steady daily mileage I went for it and did a 20+ mileage day, knowing I had a 40 mile run on Saturday. And the easy days would give me my 75 miles.  By the end of my run on Tuesday, ending up around 21.25 miles, my ankles and feet were aching, which believe it or not I have Never felt before. Nonetheless I wasn't very concerned knowing I had three days to fully recover.....skipping over the carb loading, the biking, the swims and the yoga and we'll jump into Friday- pre-race prep. Only a couple things to note here, but they must be acknowledged.

Pre-Race Friday: ME- scared/ excited, anxious, feeling still under the weather although I have never progressed to any sort of symptomatic illness.... trying to pack for my 6 mi prerace, the race depending on condition the clothing changes, the caloric consumption and liquid/ e'lytes changes.... I may have kind FREAKED out. :) Like I usually do.. And most likely will continue to do (since it always works out well- I have lots of positive reinforcement. Anyway, I posted my most authentic cry for support and received enough support to cover every mile.

My heart was so touched by the kind words and thoughts shared. I want everyone to know how grateful I am that you are there to remind me that I am in fact strong-willed and quite able. Thank You!!

So Saturday... raining but 48.... 48... thats it VERY different from 36... I was THRILLED!!! So after getting slightly lost I parked and ran my 5 mi warm up, then proceeded to change- by which time the rain ceased- EVEN bettah!!! ;).

So i checked into the race, had half a double shot- which is like a single shot ;)... and headed out for 1 more mile and then met up with everyone at the starting area. 

REady-set-go: And from there It was mud-ridden slip and slide for the first 4 mi, at which point someone at a road crossing yelled, "watch out- that next section is muddy" We all laughed, thinking, it's already muddy dude.... onward we romped... and yes, the mud got more intense... each step was a battle for balance and to gain even minimal distance as your foot slid back (the opposite way of the finish-line!). The hills were small, the water was cold, but nice as rinsed off the shoes and kept my aching feet at bay.

Miles passed, and annoyingly I'd decided to wear my GPS, since its my longest training run, but this kept the ongoing calculations of the fact that I was 6mi deeper into this, and I was beginning to fatigue at my 20mi mark... 14 miles into the 34 miles stretch... only 20 more to go.... But other than my mind playing with me, I was having a BLast, the trail was consistently windy, unsteady, a constant challenge. Plus, not gonna lie, being one of the top women is always nice cuz nearly every guy you pass offers a tini-tiny confidence boost (thanks to the mothers born in the 50's who rave about equality... love you mom)... Means little, but there is a bow of respect from the male runners that is very kind and is certainly not- yet in my experience- present with other female runners- So thank You Guys, lol.

Anyway, One step at time, mileage ticked off, I only fell on my face once, took enough time to check my hand for blood.... (there was none) and kept moving.... no new pains developed post fall, so assumed through my head to toe assessment that I always take intermittently that I was still A-OK to keep pushing, so naturally- I did.

Around 23 mi- by my watch (so 29 miles) I was tired... felt better than I did in my first 50K muscularly, but the fatigue was actually greater. My hip flexors were screaming from playing slip n slide although for now the running was nearly slip-free. A few miles to go, and that changed.... the mud was Ridiculous in the last 2-3 miles of our adventure. The hills were slightly more extreme, but most of us walked 'em anyway- (ouch- to say the least). Anyway, as it always does, the finish line came, 4:58, jogging through with Dave for a the end of a great race. 2nd Female, only about 5 minutes behind #1... (just happened to be a lot closer than the 32min I was behind #1 out in Cali :) ). 

Highlights: 

Pre-Race Facebook support!

The first river crossing- I love natural obstacle courses!

The weather was great- dry, cool, and sunny post-race!

Meeting new running friends, and having running partners for 75% of a long training run... not to mention I just like meeting people- they're awesome.

Windy trails are fun! elevations changes are great too- even though they don't always feel like it.

The people cheering- I never realized before how much I LOVE cow bells !!

The support/ volunteers- I didn't get lost- always a plus!

Free food during/ after the race!

The picnic was great- met even more ppl, got BS about running for 3 hours+.. Great Times!

Coming in 2nd Female... was a very unexpected treat, very grateful.

7 weeks Till 50MILES!

Thanks Again everyone for making it seem do-able- You're all an inspiration to me every day!! <3